- 1+ 33- 9
Marty Huggins: "Now that I'm running for Congress, we're going to be under a lot of scrutiny. Anybody have anything that they want to share with us? I promise you I'm not going to get angry."
Dylan Huggins: "I said the lord's name in vain at school."
Marty Huggins: "I said I wasn't going to get angry and I'm not angry."
Clay Huggins: "I went to the petting zoo and I let the goat lick my p***s."
Dylan Huggins: "One time I put a firefly in my butthole."
Marty Huggins: "Why?"
Dylan Huggins: "To make my farts glow"
Clay Huggins: "I shaved the dog and glued the hair to my n**sack so I looked like a grown man."
Dylan Huggins: "The old biker man at the end of the street let me tough his wife's t***y."
Marty Huggins: "That's a good one, but I..."
Clay Huggins: "I'm legally married to the babysitter."
Dylan Huggins: "I accidentally got a man killed on the Internet."
Clay Huggins: "Once a week I pray to the devil."
Mitzi Huggins: "Almost every day I touch myself to Drew Carey on 'The Price is Right.'"
Cam Brady: "Cam, anything you want to talk to your dad about? You want to get a tattoo or a nose ring or anything like that?"
Cam Jr.: "Dad, just be quiet."
Cam Brady: "Because we can talk about those things."
Cam Brady: "It occurred to me, and I been meaning to ask you this for the longest time, do you have p***c hair yet? It dawned on me that I have no idea."
Cam Jr." "Dad!"
Cam Brady: "Believe me on our side of the family, we grow it. Thick... and bushy"
Cam Brady: "You ever want to talk about make-out techniques, I can show you how to turn your tongue into a magic wand."
Cam Jr.: "Stop!"
Cam Brady: "With females, not with dudes"
Cam Jr.: "Please, dad! Dad!"
Cam Brady: "If you're into dudes, that's fine too."
Cam Brady: "Camo, what are you studying in school right now, dinosaurs? I'm asking cause I don't know. What grade are you in now? Have you been using those hair products I gave you? Just trying to reach out to you more. Do you want to talk about testicles? I have one ball that hangs lower than the other one. If you want to make a funny father-son video, put it on YouTube, we can do that too."
Cam Jr.: "Nope"
Cam Brady: "That's OK, I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at you."
In this clip of the two candidate families sitting around the dinner table preparing for secrets that might come out during the campaign, we learn some intimate details about the candidates' loved ones. By intimate I mean too much information, more than we'd ever want to know, ever.
- 2+ 10- 7
Like a Vacuum Cleaner
Cam Brady: "How you doing?"
Marty Huggins: "Hate to break it to you friend but your balloon's getting ready to pop. That balloon's full of your own butt toots."
Cam Brady: "You trying to trash talk me? Your mama's like a vacuum cleaner. She sucks, she blows and gets laid in a closet... That's what nuts feel like."
Meeting on stage for a debate, the two candidates engage in an awkward impromptu trash talking session. It's all fun and games until Cam Brady pulls Marty Huggins' hand toward his crotch, then things just get weird.
- 3+ 9- 6
Cam Brady: (naked on tape) "I'm Cam Brady and I seductively approve this message."
Cam Brady: "Love it!"
Rick: "Worst numbers we've ever seen."
Cam Brady: "Worst as in?"
Rick: "In the history of numbers"
Well to defend Cam Brady, making a seductive ad certainly is something not all candidates would do to reach under-served demographics but in this case, the numbers just don't lie.
- 4+ 9- 6
Cam Brady: "Everyday I come in contact with women. Do I fantasize about their undergarments? Sure. Do I go uhlululuh when I see them? No!"
You got to give it to Cam Brady, even with a pastor by his side he puts the truth right out there. There will be no sex scandal for this candidate who reminds us that fantasizing is OK, motorboating not so much.
- 5+ 7- 4
Say That Again
Reporter: "You're challenging our four-term congressman, how do you plan to do that?"
Marty Huggins: "... Say that again."
After (barely) making it in the door at the courthouse to put his name into the Congressional race, Marty Huggins learns really fast that when you're running a campaign, you have to answer a lot of really tough questions. While this zinger was very much on the easy side, Marty fails to provide anything other than awkward dead air in response.
- 6+ 13- 11
Marty Huggins: "Here is a Communist manifesto called 'Rainbow Land.'"
Cam Brady: "I was eight, but I wrote that."
When you're running for office, few things are ever entirely off limits. So if you happen to write a happy book about rainbows and sharing at a young age, remember that before you put your name in for public office as it might just come back to bite you.
- 7+ 8- 6
A Tasty Tongue Twisterv
Marty Huggins: "A super sassy salesman sold me Sicilian sausages."
Entering the race with no experience means that Marty Huggins has to do some pretty hefty practicing and training if he wants to beat Cam Brady. For Marty, this means reciting tongue twisters while walking on a treadmill.
- 8+ 7- 5
Cam Brady: "How's my hair?"
Mitch: "Strong, so strong"
Cam Brady: "My hair could lift a car off a baby if it had to."
Cam Brady: "That's what I like to hear."
Perhaps he's exaggerating just a little bit about that whole lifting a car off of a baby thing but Cam Brady does have some damn strong hair and that is what this country really needs from its politicians, strong hair.
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