The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes TV Programs
+Vote List
by  * Power
Ranker
tags 2,015 votes 224 voters 24,599 views 47 items f p @

The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld is arguably one of the funniest sitcoms ever, and inarguably one of the best quote-able comedies of all time. I put together a small sampling of some of the best quotes on the show, and yes, it is missing a LOT... because, come on. I have a job. (But I did manage to put in the ones I love the most that I could remember.) So, please, add your favorite quotes to the list and vote on the ones that are the best, most iconic, greatest quotes of the show's history. It's hard, I know, because so much of the funniest stuff is full bits... but if you want, go ahead and add those. Your discretion. Just the funniest stuff from Seinfeld is the only rule!

Check out more lists like all of the greatest TV shows ever made, the most hilarious TV shows and the best British TV shows

  • 2 ReRanks
    • Region
  • See list ranked by
L The List
Z
B Comments
& Embed
G Options
  1. 1
    + 75
    - 18

    Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away. Jerry

    buy now
  2. 2
    + 78
    - 20

    The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli George

    buy now
  3. 3
    + 76
    - 21

    Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. George

    buy now
  4. 4
    + 60
    - 12

    added by Ron Mexico
    I need the secure packaging of jockeys. My boys need a house. Kramer

    buy now
  5. 5
    + 65
    - 18

    When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. George

    buy now
  6. 6
    + 43
    - 7

    added by udontneedtoknowmyname
    No Soup for You

    buy now
  7. 7
    + 54
    - 14

    You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. Jerry

    buy now
  8. 8
    + 49
    - 13

    I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think That's why I'm not a heterosexual. George

    buy now
  9. 9
    + 47
    - 12

    Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty Kramer

    buy now
  10. 10
    + 48
    - 13

    You're killing independent George! George

    buy now
  11. 11
    + 39
    - 7

    added by birdiejay23
    I'm Out "Kramer"

    buy now
  12. 12
    + 49
    - 14

    You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect. George

    buy now
  13. 13
    + 50
    - 17

    Yada yada yada Elaine

    buy now
  14. 14
    + 36
    - 10

    I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs. George

    buy now
  15. 15
    + 27
    - 5

    added by taichungcanuck
    SERENITY NOW! Frank Costanza

    buy now
  16. 16
    + 22
    - 3
    No image

    added by WarrenMitchell
    We're Not Gay. Not That There's Anything Wrong with That.

    buy now
  17. 17
    + 25
    - 5
    No image

    added by looksharp
    Hello, Newman. Jerry

    buy now
  18. 18
    + 34
    - 14
    No image

    added by jr4150
    Dolores! "Jerry"

    buy now
  19. 19
    + 24
    - 6
    No image

    added by falsedawn
    They're Real.....and They're Spectacular! "Teri Hatcher" 

    buy now
  20. 20
    + 34
    - 15

    Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For? Jerry

    buy now
  21. 21
    + 28
    - 12

    You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist. George

    buy now
  22. 22
    + 31
    - 15

    Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can't do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. Jerry

    buy now
  23. 23
    + 26
    - 11

    I hate asking for change. They always make a face. It's like asking them to donate a kidney. George

    buy now
  24. 24
    + 32
    - 17

    You, my friend, have crossed the line between man and bum. Jerry - to George

    buy now
  25. 25
    + 17
    - 4
    No image

    added by looksharp
    He's a re-gifter. Elaine

    buy now
  26. 26
    + 30
    - 16

    People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax. Jerry

    buy now
  27. 27
    + 16
    - 4
    No image

    added by looksharp
    She has man hands. Jerry

    buy now
  28. 28
    + 27
    - 14

    I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers? Jerry

    buy now
  29. 29
    + 25
    - 13

    I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. George

    buy now
  30. 30
    + 26
    - 14
    No image

    Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong. George

    buy now
  31. 31
    + 23
    - 13

    Why should I hire you to be my latex salesman? Jerry

    buy now
  32. 32
    + 13
    - 4
    No image

    added by looksharp
    Worlds are colliding. George

    buy now
  33. 33
    + 22
    - 14

    That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me Jerry

    buy now
  34. 34
    + 10
    - 3
    No image

    added by looksharp
    He's a close talker. Elaine

    buy now
  35. 35
    + 21
    - 15

    Nobody drives like me. Nobody. I'm doing things in this car, you have no idea they're going on. George

    buy now
  36. 36
    + 23
    - 17

    Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia? George

    buy now
  37. 37
    + 20
    - 16

    I've always been a stall man. George

    buy now
  38. 38
    + 18
    - 14

    Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour. Jerry

    buy now
  39. 39
    + 5
    - 1
    No image

    added by woogyjones50
    He took it out.

    buy now
  40. 40
    + 23
    - 20

    Look to the cookie, Elaine! Jerry

    buy now
  41. 41
    + 15
    - 13

    Parking at a garage is like going to a prostitute. Why pay for it when you can apply yourself, and then may be you can get it for free. George

    buy now
  42. 42
    + 4
    - 2

    added by jdathenscsr
    Sweet fancy Moses

    buy now
  43. 43
    + 18
    - 17

    Women don't respect salad eaters. Jerry

    buy now
  44. 44
    + 16
    - 15

    The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since one-hour martinizing. Kramer

    buy now
  45. 45
    + 1
    - 0
    No image

    new! & added by slaft
    when you control the mail you control information Newman

  46. 46
    + 16
    - 17

    added by Ron Mexico
    My friend Jay Reimenschneider eats horse all the time Kramer

    buy now
  47. 47
    + 14
    - 15

    You are way past the phone call break up stage Elaine

    buy now
48 +

Something missing? Add it!

L List Options B Comments & Embed z Share Next List >

viewers of this list also saw...

more popular lists