The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes TV Programs
+Vote List
by  * Power
Ranker
tags 1,982 votes 221 voters 24,435 views 46 items f p @

The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld is arguably one of the funniest sitcoms ever, and inarguably one of the best quote-able comedies of all time. I put together a small sampling of some of the best quotes on the show, and yes, it is missing a LOT... because, come on. I have a job. (But I did manage to put in the ones I love the most that I could remember.) So, please, add your favorite quotes to the list and vote on the ones that are the best, most iconic, greatest quotes of the show's history. It's hard, I know, because so much of the funniest stuff is full bits... but if you want, go ahead and add those. Your discretion. Just the funniest stuff from Seinfeld is the only rule!

Check out more lists like all of the greatest TV shows ever made, the most hilarious TV shows and the best British TV shows

  • 2 ReRanks
    • Region
  • See list ranked by
L The List
Z
B Comments
& Embed
G Options
  1. 1
    + 74
    - 17


    Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away. Jerry

  2. 2
    + 76
    - 20


    The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli George

  3. 3
    + 75
    - 21


    Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. George

  4. 4
    + 59
    - 12

    added by Ron Mexico
    I need the secure packaging of jockeys. My boys need a house. Kramer

  5. 5
    + 42
    - 6

    added by udontneedtoknowmyname
    No Soup for You

  6. 6
    + 64
    - 18


    When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. George

  7. 7
    + 53
    - 14


    You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. Jerry

  8. 8
    + 49
    - 14


    You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect. George

  9. 9
    + 46
    - 12


    Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty Kramer

  10. 10
    + 47
    - 13


    You're killing independent George! George

  11. 11
    + 38
    - 7

    added by birdiejay23
    I'm Out "Kramer"

  12. 12
    + 46
    - 13


    I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think That's why I'm not a heterosexual. George

  13. 13
    + 50
    - 17


    Yada yada yada Elaine

  14. 14
    + 36
    - 10


    I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs. George

  15. 15
    + 27
    - 5

    added by taichungcanuck
    SERENITY NOW! Frank Costanza

  16. 16
    + 24
    - 4
    No image

    added by looksharp
    Hello, Newman. Jerry

  17. 17
    + 21
    - 3
    No image

    added by WarrenMitchell
    We're Not Gay. Not That There's Anything Wrong with That.

  18. 18
    + 34
    - 14
    No image

    added by jr4150
    Dolores! "Jerry"

  19. 19
    + 23
    - 6
    No image

    added by falsedawn
    They're Real.....and They're Spectacular! "Teri Hatcher" 

  20. 20
    + 33
    - 15


    Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For? Jerry

  21. 21
    + 31
    - 15


    Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can't do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. Jerry

  22. 22
    + 26
    - 11


    I hate asking for change. They always make a face. It's like asking them to donate a kidney. George

  23. 23
    + 27
    - 12


    You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist. George

  24. 24
    + 30
    - 16


    People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax. Jerry

  25. 25
    + 31
    - 17


    You, my friend, have crossed the line between man and bum. Jerry - to George

  26. 26
    + 16
    - 4
    No image

    added by looksharp
    He's a re-gifter. Elaine

  27. 27
    + 25
    - 13


    I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. George

  28. 28
    + 15
    - 4
    No image

    added by looksharp
    She has man hands. Jerry

  29. 29
    + 26
    - 14


    I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers? Jerry

  30. 30
    + 26
    - 14
    No image


    Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong. George

  31. 31
    + 23
    - 13


    Why should I hire you to be my latex salesman? Jerry

  32. 32
    + 12
    - 4
    No image

    added by looksharp
    Worlds are colliding. George

  33. 33
    + 22
    - 14


    That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me Jerry

  34. 34
    + 9
    - 3
    No image

    added by looksharp
    He's a close talker. Elaine

  35. 35
    + 21
    - 15


    Nobody drives like me. Nobody. I'm doing things in this car, you have no idea they're going on. George

  36. 36
    + 23
    - 17


    Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia? George

  37. 37
    + 20
    - 16


    I've always been a stall man. George

  38. 38
    + 18
    - 14


    Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour. Jerry

  39. 39
    + 23
    - 20


    Look to the cookie, Elaine! Jerry

  40. 40
    + 4
    - 1

    added by jdathenscsr
    Sweet fancy Moses

  41. 41
    + 4
    - 1
    No image

    new! & added by woogyjones50
    He took it out.

  42. 42
    + 16
    - 15


    The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since one-hour martinizing. Kramer

  43. 43
    + 14
    - 13


    Parking at a garage is like going to a prostitute. Why pay for it when you can apply yourself, and then may be you can get it for free. George

  44. 44
    + 17
    - 17


    Women don't respect salad eaters. Jerry

  45. 45
    + 16
    - 17

    added by Ron Mexico
    My friend Jay Reimenschneider eats horse all the time Kramer

  46. 46
    + 14
    - 15


    You are way past the phone call break up stage Elaine

47 +

Something missing? Add it!

L List Options B Comments & Embed z Share Next List >

viewers of this list also saw...

more popular lists