The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes TV Programs
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The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld is arguably one of the funniest sitcoms ever, and inarguably one of the best quote-able comedies of all time. I put together a small sampling of some of the best quotes on the show, and yes, it is missing a LOT... because, come on. I have a job. (But I did manage to put in the ones I love the most that I could remember.) So, please, add your favorite quotes to the list and vote on the ones that are the best, most iconic, greatest quotes of the show's history. It's hard, I know, because so much of the funniest stuff is full bits... but if you want, go ahead and add those. Your discretion. Just the funniest stuff from Seinfeld is the only rule!

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  1. 1
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    The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli George

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    Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. George

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    added by birdiejay23 I'm Out "Kramer"

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    Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away. Jerry

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    added by Ron Mexico I need the secure packaging of jockeys. My boys need a house. Kramer

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    When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. George

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    You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. Jerry

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    Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty Kramer

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    You're killing independent George! George

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    You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect. George

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    I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think That's why I'm not a heterosexual. George

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    Yada yada yada Elaine

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    I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs. George

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    added by udontneedtoknowmyname No Soup for You

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    added by jr4150 Dolores! "Jerry"

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    added by falsedawn They're Real.....and They're Spectacular! "Teri Hatcher" 

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    You, my friend, have crossed the line between man and bum. Jerry - to George

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    I hate asking for change. They always make a face. It's like asking them to donate a kidney. George

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    You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist. George

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    Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong. George

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    Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can't do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. Jerry

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    Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For? Jerry

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    People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax. Jerry

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    new! & added by looksharp Hello, Newman. Jerry

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    I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers? Jerry

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    I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. George

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    added by WarrenMitchell We're Not Gay. Not That There's Anything Wrong with That.

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    That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me Jerry

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    added by taichungcanuck SERENITY NOW! Frank Costanza

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    added by looksharp He's a re-gifter. Elaine

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    Nobody drives like me. Nobody. I'm doing things in this car, you have no idea they're going on. George

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    Why should I hire you to be my latex salesman? Jerry

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    I've always been a stall man. George

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    added by looksharp Worlds are colliding. George

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    Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia? George

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    Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour. Jerry

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    Look to the cookie, Elaine! Jerry

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    added by looksharp She has man hands. Jerry

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    added by looksharp He's a close talker. Elaine

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    Women don't respect salad eaters. Jerry

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    Parking at a garage is like going to a prostitute. Why pay for it when you can apply yourself, and then may be you can get it for free. George

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    The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since one-hour martinizing. Kramer

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    added by Ron Mexico My friend Jay Reimenschneider eats horse all the time Kramer

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    You are way past the phone call break up stage Elaine

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  45. 45 +

    Something missing? Add it!

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