The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes TV Programs
1Vote List
by  * Power
Ranker
tags 1,721 votes 199 voters 23,330 views 45 items f p @

The Funniest Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld is arguably one of the funniest sitcoms ever, and inarguably one of the best quote-able comedies of all time. I put together a small sampling of some of the best quotes on the show, and yes, it is missing a LOT... because, come on. I have a job. (But I did manage to put in the ones I love the most that I could remember.) So, please, add your favorite quotes to the list and vote on the ones that are the best, most iconic, greatest quotes of the show's history. It's hard, I know, because so much of the funniest stuff is full bits... but if you want, go ahead and add those. Your discretion. Just the funniest stuff from Seinfeld is the only rule!

Check out more lists like all of the greatest TV shows ever made, the most hilarious TV shows and the best British TV shows

  • 2 ReRanks
    • Region
  • See list ranked by
L The List
Z
B Comments
& Embed
G Options
  1. 1
    + 69
    - 17

    The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli George

    ) open
  2. 2
    + 63
    - 15

    Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away. Jerry

    ) open
  3. 3
    + 66
    - 19

    Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. George

    ) open
  4. 4
    + 51
    - 10

    added by Ron Mexico I need the secure packaging of jockeys. My boys need a house. Kramer

    ) open
  5. 5
    + 33
    - 4

    added by birdiejay23 I'm Out "Kramer"

    ) open
  6. 6
    + 56
    - 16

    When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. George

    ) open
  7. 7
    + 46
    - 11

    You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. Jerry

    ) open
  8. 8
    + 43
    - 12

    You're killing independent George! George

    ) open
  9. 9
    + 40
    - 10

    Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty Kramer

    ) open
  10. 10
    + 44
    - 13

    You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect. George

    ) open
  11. 11
    + 20
    - 2
    No image

    added by looksharp Hello, Newman. Jerry

    ) open
  12. 12
    + 31
    - 5

    added by udontneedtoknowmyname No Soup for You

    ) open
  13. 13
    + 38
    - 11

    I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think That's why I'm not a heterosexual. George

    ) open
  14. 14
    + 44
    - 17

    Yada yada yada Elaine

    ) open
  15. 15
    + 29
    - 10

    I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs. George

    ) open
  16. 16
    + 30
    - 14
    No image

    added by jr4150 Dolores! "Jerry"

    ) open
  17. 17
    + 18
    - 4
    No image

    added by falsedawn They're Real.....and They're Spectacular! "Teri Hatcher" 

    ) open
  18. 18
    + 24
    - 10

    You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist. George

    ) open
  19. 19
    + 19
    - 6

    added by taichungcanuck SERENITY NOW! Frank Costanza

    ) open
  20. 20
    + 29
    - 15

    You, my friend, have crossed the line between man and bum. Jerry - to George

    ) open
  21. 21
    + 14
    - 2
    No image

    added by WarrenMitchell We're Not Gay. Not That There's Anything Wrong with That.

    ) open
  22. 22
    + 23
    - 10

    I hate asking for change. They always make a face. It's like asking them to donate a kidney. George

    ) open
  23. 23
    + 27
    - 14

    Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can't do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. Jerry

    ) open
  24. 24
    + 28
    - 15

    Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For? Jerry

    ) open
  25. 25
    + 24
    - 12
    No image

    Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong. George

    ) open
  26. 26
    + 22
    - 13

    I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. George

    ) open
  27. 27
    + 22
    - 13

    I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers? Jerry

    ) open
  28. 28
    + 25
    - 16

    People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax. Jerry

    ) open
  29. 29
    + 21
    - 13

    That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me Jerry

    ) open
  30. 30
    + 10
    - 4
    No image

    added by looksharp She has man hands. Jerry

    ) open
  31. 31
    + 10
    - 4
    No image

    added by looksharp He's a re-gifter. Elaine

    ) open
  32. 32
    + 19
    - 13

    Why should I hire you to be my latex salesman? Jerry

    ) open
  33. 33
    + 8
    - 3
    No image

    added by looksharp Worlds are colliding. George

    ) open
  34. 34
    + 19
    - 14

    Nobody drives like me. Nobody. I'm doing things in this car, you have no idea they're going on. George

    ) open
  35. 35
    + 20
    - 16

    Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia? George

    ) open
  36. 36
    + 6
    - 3
    No image

    added by looksharp He's a close talker. Elaine

    ) open
  37. 37
    + 21
    - 19

    Look to the cookie, Elaine! Jerry

    ) open
  38. 38
    + 16
    - 14

    Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour. Jerry

    ) open
  39. 39
    + 2
    - 0

    new! & added by jdathenscsr Sweet fancy Moses

    ) open
  40. 40
    + 17
    - 16

    I've always been a stall man. George

    ) open
  41. 41
    + 14
    - 13

    The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since one-hour martinizing. Kramer

    ) open
  42. 42
    + 13
    - 12

    Parking at a garage is like going to a prostitute. Why pay for it when you can apply yourself, and then may be you can get it for free. George

    ) open
  43. 43
    + 15
    - 16

    added by Ron Mexico My friend Jay Reimenschneider eats horse all the time Kramer

    ) open
  44. 44
    + 15
    - 16

    Women don't respect salad eaters. Jerry

    ) open
  45. 45
    + 10
    - 15

    You are way past the phone call break up stage Elaine

    ) open
46 +

Something missing? Add it!

L List Options B Comments & Embed z Share Next List >

viewers of this list also saw...

more popular lists