Comic Con Confidential - m4w - 33 (Convention Center/Gaslamp)
Before we get started...
INTERNET HOOKUP GLOSSARY:
M4W = Men looking for Women
M4M = Men looking for Men
W4M = Women looking for Men
W4W = Women looking for Women
M4WW = The saddest thing in the world
D/D Free = Disease/Drug Free
[X]" = The size, in inches (sorry Europe), of a man's penis
6c = The number is the guy's "size" and c is "Cut" (once again, sorry Europe). The opposite being, of course "Uncut"
"Host" = When a person hosts, they mean that the "encounter" can happen at their place
If there's one thing we know gets all women hot, it's awkward sexual puns. (What gal doesn't want to hear about your "Giant Sized Man-Thing" during a romantic evening out?) But if you can combine those awkward sexual puns with nerdy references... well, then, my friend, you really have something.
Perhaps the best part of this whole post, though, is when he sort of runs out of steam halfway through. "We can go Back to the Future in my TARDIS"?
Is that a sex pun? Is the TARDIS his penis and the DeLorean a willing female's genitals? Or is the TARDIS his car and "Back to the Future" representative of the sex act itself? Please explain.
Looking for HOT mac n' cheese - m4w - 23 (San Diego)
Is this guy just REALLY confused as to how Craigslist Casual Encounters posts work, and thinks that someone bringing food to his hotel room for him sounds like an IDEAL and very casual first encounter. (I'm not sure how things work in the OC, after all...) Or is "Hot Mac and Cheese" some kind of new sexual term with which I am unfamiliar? ("We'll be macking, gurl, and that's when I start spreading around my hot cheese sauce...") I spent way too long considering these possibilties.
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I'm going to Comic Con as a shirtless catboy - m4m - 19 (SDCC)
Who could forget that beloved '90s children's show, "The Adventures of Shirtless Catboy"? He traveled around the magic land of Gaslamp posing for pictures and just mildly creeping out townfolk everywhere with his attempts to just "hang out" with them. (He wore the pictured mask to protect his real identity, as mild-mannered pet supply salesman Felix Pawman.)
But most surprising about this whole post is this: It was the very first Casual Encounters post to get flagged out of all the other options on this list. THIS was the guy Craigslist felt unsure about. Not the guy who wants to bury his Master Chief in your Zerg Swarm or whatever.
COMIC CON ,,LADY'S AN COUPLES ONLY/CUM ON MY FACE - m4w (U HOST,NOTHING IN RETURN)
DUDE, THERE'S NO NEED TO YELL!
But seriously, this guy wins 2012's coveted "Most Likely to Be Criminally Deranged" Casual Encounters award. I think the main creeptastic thing about it is how he wants to skip right to the end of the sex act. Guy, you're just introducing yourself to this woman for the first time. Maybe at some point, after an evening of pleasure, she will want to cum on your face. But no need to jump right in from the first word of your Craigslist post. Give her a kiss, boy!
Also, one more tip. Telling someone you're "clean" in a CL post is fine. Saying you're "very clean" is also acceptable, though it sort of smacks of trying too hard. Saying you're VERY VERY CLEAN in all caps means you are the sexual equivalent of the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock.
"The Trash Heap has cum on your face... Nyeah!"
Attending Comic-Con? I'd love to give you nsa Oral - m4w - 27 (Downtown)
Rule #1 for eating a stranger out while visiting San Diego Comic-Con is to make sure they are nice. Rule #2 is to make sure they are CLEAN. I can't really stress this enough. (Also, who is this guy imagining that he's eliminating by putting that in the ad? Some women would be reading this and thinking, "Yes, I'm in San Diego, I'm very nice, and I'm looking to have a guy who loves comic books put his head between my legs. Oh, but I'm filthy and untouchable. I guess I don't meet this dude's exacting personal standards. Never mind. I'll just keep browsing.")
Also, note that he doesn't care if the girl is from San Diego or elsewhere. How refreshingly open-minded!
Last night in my giant hotel room - m4w - 29 (Coronado)
This one is actually not quite as awkward as some of the others, even though the guy does kind of imagine that the average woman will be extremely sexually excited by the sight of a large hotel room. Perhaps he's watched a lot of '30s movies lately, where charming but penniless waifs are taken in by captains of industry and can't resist the charm of a penthouse at the Waldorf, even as they know he just wants to get a peek at her knickers. Today, I feel like most girls would say "Oh, yeah, it's a nice hotel room. Is there a Toblerone in the mini-bar or... Wait, you want me to do WHAT?"
But then, so close to the end, he loses the thread with this bon mot:
"And if you love a beard tickling your thighs, I'm your guy."
Gah! I'm betting even girls who LIKE that don't like hearing it described that way. If Kevin Smith wrote this line for a Jay and Silent Bob comic book, he's throw it away as "too juvenile and perverse."
Visitors Only - m4w (San Diego)
Attentive, Sherlock Holmes-esque readers may have been able to deduce that this guy probably lives with a girlfriend or wife (or, to be fair, Catboy), what with the insistence on hookups being from out of town, inability to host and just generally acting like Tony Soprano any time he meets an Italian woman in charge of something.
Two things that also stand out as particularly awesome in this post:
- "This cock is armed..." ARMED! To the teeth! So if you get into any skirmishes or melees on your way into this guy's pants, have no fear! He's got your covered.
- "PHD in oral sex..." Giving your verbal dissertation in this field is particularly challenging.
are you a comic con hottie and needing a HJ or BJ? - m4m
Let's go on a date your way - m4w - 28 (San Diego)
This one is sort of mildly heartbreaking, because the guy clearly wants to ask a girl to come by and have sex with him, but he's afraid to, and so he Socially Awkward Penguins his way around it and just asks the hypothetical girl out on a date. Remember, he's addressing a STRANGER over an anonymous Internet message board, and he STILL can't bring himself to ask her out!
He could really take a lesson from the guy whose cock is armed. After this kind of meek, retreating display, guy... 7 inches isn't going to help.
I mean, this other guy's a VIRGIN and he's pitch is more confident:
Looking for a Comic Con freak for PnP! - m4w - 50 (Downtown)
Big time points here for creativity. This guy is the Chuck Palahniuk of Craigslist filth. I will say that the fantasy he outlines here is extremely specific - possibly even more so than the guy pinning his hopes on the shirtless catboy thing - and so he's really needlessly limiting the potential supply of willing females, EVEN AT A COMIC CONVENTION. I mean, what if a girl really dreams of being violated by a creature from LV-221? GAH, it's only 2 planets over! Close e-goddamn-nough, amirite?
PS: Female Twi-hards, please respond in the comments... Is it accepted canon that Edward and other vampires have cold penises? Cause that's just upsetting.
Last night in a downtown SD hotel... - m4w (Ash Street, Downtown SD)
A big theme in SDCC Casual Encounters posts is this notion of it being the "last night" in a hotel room. I'm not sure if this is just kind of a hillbilly "aw shucks I'm in a hotel room in the fancy big city!" or if this is supposed to be part of the enticement. Like, "Hey, I've been hanging out bottomless on this bed for 3 days now, and have had a chance to ejaculate on every item in my surroundings a minimum of 13 times. Wanna come over?!?!??!?" I'd think the FIRST night in the hotel room, when you haven't had a chance to really foul the place up yet, would be preferable.
Also, this guy better hope the Women of Comic-Con aren't like me, and can read the phrase "sensual massage" without hearing this guy's voice:
In need of Mommy - m4w (North of the 8)
No. No no no no no no no no. I'm really sorry about this one.
Someone is not into the whole brevity thing.
Believe it or not, this keeps going.
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No expectations... except the ability to speed-read long blocks of text.
Seriously, no one wants to read JRR Tolkein-reminiscent tomes about some stranger's mommy fetish, brah. Cut to the chase. Pyramid structure! Learn it, live it, love it!
Also, this: "I've been on high school campuses and have gotten flak by teachers/security, 'I'm here working,' showing the ID." On a totally separate, unrelated note, perhaps it's time to consider the virtues of homeschooling!
Darth Vader Mask - m4w (comic Con Hotties)