The Most Epic Amazon Reviews Anything

The Most Epic Amazon Reviews

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Ordering anything on the Internet can be scary and even stressful but with these most epic Amazon reviews, online shopping is both easy and hilarious. Anyone can write a review for a product sold on Amazon.com, but only a select few have what it takes to produce an absolutely epic user reviews for products sold in the virtual marketplace.

While many of the items reviewed here are funny to begin with, some are normal everyday items we use everyday. From the classic three wolf moon T-shirt to gallons of milk to army tanks to ballpoint pens, these epic Amazon reviews are sure to please.
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  1. 1

    Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

    If you were to look up epic Amazon review in the dictionary, the entry would be wearing the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt. Clearly this T-shirt has magical powers that can change lives and of course attract the ladies. As awesome as the shirt may be, there's always room for improvement, as noted by one reviewer who yearns for a fourth wolf to enhance the other three.

    Mr. A. Brett: "I have seen many t-shirts in my time - almost five - but none have inspired me in quite the same way.
    One wolf is a luxury; two, pure decadence; but three? 'Surely no man wields such a mighty chest as to be able to harness these averagely transferred beasts?' thought I. But if mine were such a chest then perhaps womenfolk might gaze upon me and say 'Oooh'."


    HarveyMasonJnr: "Don't get me wrong, this T-shirt is ace. I just can't help thinking an additional Wolf wouldn't go a miss."

  2. 2

    Tuscan Whole Milk

    Anyone can walk to the end of the block and purchase milk in a store, but few have the immense pleasure of buying Tuscan Whole Milk, which is available exclusivly for sale on Amazon ranging from $50 to over $1,200. With over 1,000 reviews, clearly they are putting something special in the milk over there at Tuscan.

    Spencer K. Stephens: "I drank my Tuscan milk on a Monday. By Tuesday, I was able to tell jokes in languages I don't even know. People told me I had been the life of parties that I hadn't even attended. My words began to carry a weight that would break the jaw of lesser men. I totally aced a Rorschach test. ... Stay thirsty, my friends"

    Roy Batty: "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. But the creamy yumminess of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz will be praised across the galaxy for ever more. Time to die."

  3. 3

    Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

    Described as "a completely unique, extremely rare land vehicle and battle tank," the Badonkadonk Land Cruiser comes with a six-horsepower Tecumseh gas engine that can reach speeds of 40 mph. Up to five can fit comfortably and enjoy a 400-watt premium sound system inside the steel shell.

    Thomas Dunham "Los Pepes": "I'll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I've purchased overpriced, so-called "battle tanks", then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter.
    But not this baby, no way.
    This tank R-O-C-K-S! Literally- the 400-watt sound-system keeps me rockin like a crazy man as I'm dishing out justice commando style. Wow. I just can't say enough. And the kids love it, too- imagine the look of terror in the eyes of the enemy as I'm dropping off my kid's team to their soccer game. Shock and awe, my friends, SHOCK AND AWE!"


    jk202: "I can't believe the Badonkadonk was released without a high-def/Blue-ray DVD player as standard equipment. I'm not impressed with customer service, either - I sent in my bonus coupon for a free flamethrower and mounting bracket, but have yet to receive any notification of a shipping date."

  4. 4

    Wheelmate Laptop Steering Wheel Desk

    For everyone who enjoys multi-car pileups, multitasking and using their laptop while driving, the Wheelmate Laptop Steering Wheel Desk is just for you. The specially designed desk attaches directly to your car steering wheel to provide a sturdy place to eat a meal or work on your laptop. How this is not standard on all vehicles is beyond me.

    T. Meadows "TM": "Wow is this thing great! I use it as a "mini-bar" when the friends and I go out to the bars. I can quickly fix multiple shots of tequila for myself and the friends as we drive from one bar to the next. We also discovered that if you place a pillow on top of it and turn on the cruise control you can catch quick naps on the interstate. If you swerve to the left or right the rumble strips on the road wake you up in plenty of time before you get into trouble. I can now take longer trips without being tired!"

    Bruce Morgenstern "As a physician, i can never tell when an emergency may arise. I am proud to report that ive added a small ventilator and a full life support unit. With this helpful tool, i have been able to perform appendectomies and last week even delivered a baby on this Laptop steering wheel desk!! I am sending away for the optional defibrillator paddles in case of cardiac arrest. After getting into an accident while performing a surgery, i was able to amputate my own leg on the desk!!! And even bill for both services!!!"

  5. 5

    UFO-02 Detector

    Worried that aliens in UFOs will visit the planet and you'll be the last person to know about it? Worry no more with the UFO-02 Detector! This small device can sense these unidentified flying objects and alert you with a flashing LED and noise. Take that sneaky aliens!

    A Trustworthy Human: "I, as a resonable and trUstworthy hUman, do not gleep nerp this ungood prodUct. Bad it is for Us hUmans to purchase and opperate this online pUrchasable prodUct.
    As the person from Earth that I am, I think that all of my other fellow hUmans on Earth should immediately disUse and florgnify this Utterly Zorglefran, I mean bad item for bUying..."


    Modern Blue Argonaut: "I wasn't really sure when I ordered this if it was going to actually help me identify overhead UFO's, but by gosh, it does the trick. You see, I'm a taxi driver and as I drive people around I sometimes get these odd feelings, and I wasn't sure if it was that my passengers were creeping me out, or if some other sinister force was at work. I installed this on my dashboard, and as we approached EPCOT (A Disney theme park) this thing started to go off like crazy! Yes, the "Spaceship Earth" as they call it at EPCOT is in fact a real UFO. As a nation, we have been led to believe that Disney is all about make-believe and fairy tales, but I tell you folks, WATCH OUT! I can't wait to take this with me when my family and I head down to area 51 this summer. Any other ideas of places I should check out?"

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