When you think of "flashing" you probably think of some guy running naked across a sports field, or opening up a trench coat, maybe giving a wiggle and running away. That's the normal flashing stories you hear, but these stories are anything but normal. From getting busted by an undercover dog to a door to door flasher. These guys made flashing even more crazy and uncomfortable than you thought possible. How about the excuse "I was just airing it out, it needed some air." Yes, that happened. Here are the top ten shameless naked flashers of all time.
Who are public flashers? Take a look here and see for yourself.
Who are public flashers? Take a look here and see for yourself.
81-Year-Old Man Tries to Bang an Actual Bush
Connecticut resident Wallace Berg gave onlookers the show of their lives when the 81-year-old dropped his pants in public in order to have sex with some shrubbery. A neighbor filmed the ordeal (worst sex tape ever) and sent it to police, who eventually charged Berg with public indecency and second-degree breach of peace. The same neighbor confronted Berg during the incident, and said that Berg covered himself with his grill cover and apologized. He was released after posting a $10,000 bond.
Man Exposes Himself During Alvin And The Chipmunks
Edward Brown stood up from his front row seat, faced the 86 people in the audience who were just there to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, and showed them his junk. He then sat back down to enjoy the film because, why not? The manager of the theater stopped the film and offered vouchers for everyone in the audience to see the film at another time. But really, wasn't the damage already done?
When police arrived Brown told them an unknown woman let him into the theater for free, told him to sit in the front row, take off his clothes, and that she'd come in and have sex with him after they do heroin. At a screening of Alvin and the Chipmunks.
So how could he possibly be arrested? His hands were tied. This, to me, sounds like a normal day. Chicks always invite me to kids movies so we can do drugs naked during the middle of the day. This all makes perfect sense.
The man was arrested, of course, and, according to Vince at FilmDrunk, was charged with three felony counts of sexual exploitation of children, aged 4, 6 and 6; one misdemeanor count of sexual exploitation of a minor aged 14; and one misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct.
A Flasher Goes Door To Door Showing His Goods
(Still better than Jehova's Witnesses.)
A 22 year old Pennsylvania man named Brody Hall decided it would be a really great idea to get completely trashed, then go knocking on people's doors, yelling at them, then exposing himself. I mean, what else is there to do in Pennsylvania?
Everything was going fine until this poor soul (yes, poor soul) knocked on the wrong door: the interim chief of police -- who was less than amused. Hall knocked on the chief's door at 6:15 am and told him that he was there "to scare the children", always a good way to get not only into someone's home, but their heart. Hall then tried to push past the police chief to get into the house until the police chief wrestled the young man to the ground and arrested him.
A little hint, if you decide to become a door to door flasher... make sure the police don't live next door (or just try not to do it at all).
Victims call him "The Funny Flasher"
This man has been called "The Funny Flasher" for some reason. That reason is probably a small wang.
I mean, it's not really funny as much as it is "funny". He chose to do his flashing at a public school, re-living much of my childhood nightmares. Goodrell went to a school to do his flashing and according to the students, Goodrell dropped his pants in front of several of them and didn't make any attempts to flee and didn't seem to have exactly "malicious" intent.
"It was strange... there he was, laughing and jumping around. His privates were flapping all over the pace and he seemed to just want people to pay attention to him" said a female Brockport sophomore who most likely, ironically, watches Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
The man was, of course, arrested and his flashing antics have given a whole school of kids a story to tell to their therapists for the rest of their lives.
A Flasher Has The Tables Turned On Him
Mario Valdivia picked the wrong lady to flash. New York women aren't known for their "lay down and take it" attitude and this woman certainly didn't take anything from Valdivia (except his dignity and then his freedom).
While riding a train a woman said she was curious why someone was pressing up against her when there was ample space for both of them... that's when she looked down and saw it. "I was like why is this person pressing up against me? Then I realize you have all this (expletive) space here. Then I see his penis out! That’s it!"
Someone flipped on their video camera and caught the entire thing: "Oh you’re getting (expletive) arrested! I’m not leaving your side! My plans are done for tonight. I’m escorting you to the police station, okay?" the woman said. Emily May recorded the incident and put it up on her blog, Mario was promptly arrested and charged.
Technology(/Justice)...it'll get you every time.
The Female Flasher: It's Not A Crime If I'm Not Aroused
Yes, there is a woman on this list.
Annette Kaiser lives in Germany and has found a loophole in flashing while getting away with it. According to the law in Germany, flashing is only a crime if you are aroused. Let that sink in.
Officers say it's easy to prosecute men for the crime because you can easily see if they are or are not aroused, but with a woman it's hard to tell. Which says a lot about the sex lives of German Police Officers. Not to mention the fact that a man's body is never all that pleasant to see, aroused or not pretty much nobody wants to see a penis. Ask the MPAA.
But back to the lady parts flasher, Miss Kaiser says she'll continue to flash because she likes the feeling of freedom. 'I like to show off my body. I give men an eyeful and then I’m quickly gone,' she added.
This woman is doing the Lord's work.
A Man Shows His Hot Dog To A Hot Dog Vendor
In Cary, North Carolina Edwin Alsie McCracken was arrested for flashing. The story isn't as strange as some of the other stories on this list...but in Edwin's case it was WHO he flashed that made it ridiculous -- as if flashers aren't ridiculous enough. Edwin released his little McCracken... on a hot dog vendor.
A man with a last name that has the word "Cracken" in it, showed his wiener to a guy at a wiener cart. That is all.
Grandmother tells flasher he's got "nothing worth showing"
Ryan Briggs is the man accused of flashing a Grandmother in Dunstable, Bedfordshire (that's in the UK). The woman, a 45 year old grandmother (so okay, she wasn't an old-lady-with-a-crotchet-bag-and-walker grandmother, but she still is a grandmother) said she was on her way to pick up her granddaughter from school when Briggs stepped out of the bushes and onto the footpath where he exposed himself to her. Like flashers do in cartoons and old movies. Classic.
The woman told a jury at Luton crown court: ‘I was two or three feet away. I noticed his genitalia. He was facing towards me. It was a shock. I swore at him. I said: "What the f...... hell do you think you are doing you dirty bastard?"'
The grandmother said that after she told the man he had nothing worth showing he swore at her saying it was good enough for him.
The adult-flasher equivalent of "well my mom says I'm cool!".