'The Sitter' movie quotes include some of the funniest lines from the 2011 Jonah Hill comedy. In 'The Sitter,' Hill plays Noah Griffith, a young man with very little ambition. He winds up agreeing to babysit three unruly kids, and hilarity ensues. Nearly all of the best quotes from 'The Sitter' movie include Noah, but some also include quips from his three young charges: Slater, Blithe and Rodrigo, the biggest troublemaker of all.
'The Sitter' is directed by David Gordon Green, who also directed 2008's 'The Pineapple Express.' 'The Sitter' stars Jonah Hill, but other big name cast members include Ari Graynor, Sam Rockwell and J.B. Smoove. The hellacious kids that Noah is forced to babysit are played by Max Records (Slater), Landry Bender (Blithe) and Kevin Hernandez (Rodrigo).
Noah really bites off way more than he can chew when he agrees to keep Mrs. Pedulla's children. The kids are little monsters, way more than Noah can handle. Things get even worse when Noah agrees to meet his girlfriend, Marisa (Graynor) at a party. He winds up being chased by two drug dealers bent on revenge, all while trying to keep the kids in line. Worst. Babysitter. Ever.
If you missed 'The Sitter' in theaters, you'll get another chance to see the film when it's released on DVD on March 20, 2012.
2011 was a big year for Jonah Hill. Not only did he star in 'The Sitter,' but his role in 'Moneyball' earned him an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor.
Noah: ""My name's Noah Jaybird. Ca caaa! What's your name?" Soul Baby: ""They call me Soul. Soul Baby." Noah: ""Soul Baby?" Soul Baby: ""Yeah." Noah: ""Keep it in control baby. Tears, no fears man." Soul Baby: ""Is that right?" Noah: ""Respect it, don't neglect it. Treat it, don't beat it."" (Walks away) Soul Baby: ""You're a bada** motherf**ker.""
Noah brings the kiddos to a bar and encounters Mr. Soul Baby. His attempts to fit in and be cool are cringe-worthy, to say the least. Noah Jaybird is just looking to get his a** kicked. Fortunately for him, Soul Baby seems to like him.
Noah: ""What is your deal? Why are you wearing so much makeup?" Blithe (singing along with the radio): ""Lookin' all fly on my way to the club, gonna dance all night, and get f**ked up!' Say whatever you want, I know I look good.""
Blithe has got to be one of the most obnoxious children ever. Forget her brother's GPS, she's going to need to be locked UP by the time she's 13.
Another great quote from Jonah Hill/Noah from 'The Sitter.' I wouldn't recommend this particular nickname for the kiddo if you're babysitting, though. Not unless you never want to do it again.
Blithe: "My real babysitter, Nancy, she does what I want her to do." Noah: "I'm not a real babysitter. I'm more of a sit on the couch, do what I say or I'll kill you type of babysitter." (Blithe sprays Noah) Noah: "Ah, you sprayed perfume in my mouth!" Blithe: "I hate you." Noah: "I'll destroy you." (Blithe sprays Noah, again) Noah: "Ahhh you did it again!!!"
How hard can babysitting be? That's probably what Noah was thinking when he agreed to do it. Not the most glamorous of jobs, particularly for a young guy, but hey, you earn what you can how you can. Unfortunately for Noah, all three of his charges wind up being monstrous little creatures, including sweet-looking little girl Blithe (who enjoys using perfume like pepper spray, apparently).
Soul Baby: "You know this ain't no place for no kids." Noah: "These aren't kids, these are little people. (Points to Blithe) "This woman is forty eight years old. Her children have children!" Blithe: "Hi! I'm a grandma!"
Soul Baby is easily one of the funniest characters in 'The Sitter.' Blithe, however, is a very close second.
Maitre' D: ""May I help you, sir?" Noah: ""Yeah. Uh...I'm looking for a small Hispanic boy. About four foot eight, leather jacket, pajamas, cowboy boots. Have you seen him?" Maitre' D: ""No. I've not seen a four foot eight Hispanic boy in a leather jacket, pajamas and cowboy boots. Probably would remember that."" Noah: ""Something tells me that you have before, you f**king asshole.""
The Maitre'D isn't going to be snickering or laughing once he realizes just how destructive this little boy, with his cowboy boots and leather jacket, really is.
Sandy Griffith: "Noah can you get the phone?" Noah: "Mom, the phone's ringing." Sandy Griffith: "Noah, please get the phone!" Noah: "Mom the phone's ringing, do you hear it?"
Noah doesn't seem inclined to do much of anything at all, does he? Payback's coming (in the form of three obnoxious, misbehaving children and two drug dealers who want him dead).
Noah: "Oh, what's up twins?" Twin #1: "Is Slater home?" Twin #2: "Is he here?" Twin #1: "Yeah! Oh, my God!" Noah: "Slater! You got the two Redrum chicks from The Shining here to see you!"
Slater's observation about the red-headed twins seems about right. Creepy. Don't let them in!
Blithe: "Hey Noah, I have an idea. How about you start your own signature fragrance?" Noah: "That's a great idea! I'll just alert my team of scientists, have them invent a new perfume. We'll starting selling it and we'll have seven grand in the next forty five minutes!" Blithe: "I'm just trying to help! All I know is that I'm gonna be a famous celebrity, who designs on the side, and I'm gonna be rich!" Noah: "What the hell are you talking about? You do know that just being a celebrity and having a good time is not a real job, right?" Blithe: "Yeah, it is! Being a famous celebrity is the greatest thing in the world. I mean, people take your picture and you could have Birthday parties at the coolest clubs and dance on tables." Noah: "Even for a small child, you sound like an idiot."
Meet Kardashian-in-training, Blithe. She seems pretty ready for her own reality show. In the meantime, Noah still has to raise 7k within the hour, or Karl the Drug Dealer is going to take him down.
Noah: "Slater, seriously: Tell me you're not wearing a fanny pack. Tell me I'm imagining that and that's not what I'm actually seeing." Slater: "I need it to carry my pills." Noah: "Why do you take those pills anyway?" Slater: "I already told you I have issues." Noah: "Issues? You look like a Gap model! When I was your age I had a mouth full of braces and a face like a Papa John's pizza. Those are real issues, my man." Slater: "Whatever."
Noah, Slater clearly has issues that go way beyond the typical teenage problems. A fanny pack is a must.
Wendy Sapperstein: ""Mom, this is my night! This is my celebration and I did not invite these nerds to my Bat Mitzvah!" Mrs. Sapperstein: ""Okay, can we just for an hour pretend that you're a decent human being!" Wendy Sapperstein: ""There's so much blue cheese here! It smells like barf, mom!" Noah: ""Damn, Wendy Sapperstein is a big old bitch!" Slater: ""Yeah, she scares me.""
Noah takes the kids and decides to crash the Bat Mitzvah that Slater was invited to - to try and drum up some cash to pay the drug dealers. He quickly realizes why Slater didn't want to go.
Noah: "Why did you marry such an A-hole?" Sandy Griffith: "That A-hole gave me the greatest gift in the world." Noah: "Crabs?" Sandy Griffith: "He gave me you."
Noah's dad hasn't given him much over the years, especially considering that he's a "diamond dealer."
Noah: "Hey, how old are you, man?" Slater: "Thirteen." Noah: "Thirteen. What am I doing here? Why are you babysitting yourself?" Slater: "I'm not a babysitter, okay?" Noah: "Yeah, neither am I. And if you would just man up and babysit, I wouldn't have to be here tonight. I could be out having fun." Slater: "I have severe anxiety issues. And my doctor, he's says that I can't handle any kind of responsibility or else I could just snap. At any moment."
When Noah meets Slater for the first time, he quickly realizes that the kid has some serious issues. Mainly, he needs to relax!
Bethany: ""Noah! What are you doing here?" Noah: ""I'm uh...babysitting these children. Looks like we finally have something in common, right?" Bethany: ""I'm not your babysitter anymore, Noah." Noah: ""Oh, you're not! That's right. Because you f**ked my dad while he was still married to mom and ruined my life. I forgot! Is he home by the way?""
Noah needs money. He needs help. When he goes to his dad's house, we learn exactly why Noah hates his dad. Babysitting is bad, very very bad.
Jacolby: ""Look here, little homey. I like your style, you there?" Noah: ""I appreciate that, thank you." Jacolby: ""You stand up for yours and I can respect that. If we ever need a crazy a**ed white boy to roll with us one day, and get punched in the face by m**********rs, I'll call you.""
Noah is defintiely crazy, but he's just had enough. And hey, he might have a new job with these thugs!
Noah: "What are you doing in here?" (As Rodrigo comes out of a bathroom stall, toilet flushing) Rodrigo: "I dropped a bomb." Noah: "Oh that's very cute. Come on, wash your hands." (Rodrigo laughs) Noah: "What's so funny?" (Bomb explodes out of the toilet)
The kids in 'The Sitter' are pretty funny, especially Rodrigo. Beware the child wearing a leather jacket and cowboy pajamas - always the most trouble!
Noah: ""I've been stuck babysitting these three kids, I'm being chased by two insane drug dealers. I came for my motherf**king keys to my motherf**king minivan, and that's what's up!""
After a night filled with far too much excitement, Noah's pretty much had enough, going all Samuel L. Jackson in a bar as he tries to get his keys and get the heck out of there.
Mrs. Pedulla: "You kind of have to watch out for Rodrigo, he has a habit of running away. Here, hold onto this." (She hands Noah a small monitoring device) "We sewed a GPS into his jacket, so we could keep track of him. You know, it's kind of like a LoJack for kids."
Noah remarks that the special GPS device allows him to follow the kid like a fugitive. It's likely at this point that he has no idea how sneaky and elusive Rodrigo really is...
Sandy Griffith: "Have you started looking for a job yet? What about babysitting?" Noah: "Babysitting sucks. Adult men don't babysit things." Sandy Griffith: "You're wonderful with children."
Noah would probably be content to just sit around watching TV all day long, playing video games and drinking beer. His mom, however, has other ideas: She wants him to (*gasp*) get a job. Her suggestion that he try babysitting leads to way more excitement than Noah bargained for...
BUY @ amazon
BUY @ amazon
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