tv characters The Ten Greatest Moments in Star Trek Slash Fiction  

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Out of everything Star Trek has spawned in its 45 year span (six television series, ten films and an avalanche of merchandise), almost nothing has been more of a game changer than slash fiction. Star Trek introduced the world to Slash fiction, which is essentially fan fiction with a sexual (usually same sex) bent.

The original "slash fic" was K/S, all about the forbidden love of Kirk and Spock. Eventually slash fic expanded out of Trek (I even found a slash fic for short lived 90's TV series "Due South". Who knew anyone cared about that show, much less wanted to see the main characters have sex with each other??) But Star Trek is where it all began and it is with those characters that slash fiction continues to thrive.

So in honor of Trek creator Gene Roddenberry's birthday, let's celebrate the Top Ten Trek slash fic pairings, and their tenderest moments. 

Captain Kirk & Mr. Spock

Captain Kirk & Mr. Spock is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Ten Greatest Moments in Star Trek Slash Fiction
Photo:  uploaded by Eric Diaz
Like there could be any other choice for #1.

The sexual pairing of Kirk and Spock not only started the entire slash fic craze in the first place, but spawned a million copies and parodies that continue to this very day.

This all started back in 1974, when the first Kirk and Spock romantic pairing was written, called "A Fragment Out Of Time" Kirk and Spock were not called by name in this original story, but rather referred to them as "he" and "him."

Thus, a new mini-genre was created, now known as "Slash Fiction".

By 1987, there were 58 Kirk/Spock fanzines. The phenomenon of K/S was so widespread that when Gene Roddenberry was writing his adaptation of Star Trek: The Motion Picture, he even had an internal monologue of Kirk's dealing with all these rumors of his relationship to Spock.

"I was never aware of this 'lovers' rumor, although I have been told that Spock encountered it several times. Apparently, he had always dismissed it with his characteristic lifting of his right eyebrow, which usually connoted some combination of surprise, disbelief, and/or annoyance. As for myself...I have always found my best gratification in that creature called woman. Also, I would not like to be thought of as being so foolish that I would select a love partner who came into sexual heat only once every seven years. "

—Admiral Kirk, Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Mmmhm. Someone doth protest too much, I think.

In any case, Kirk/Spock slash fic is still the #1 of its kind, and the re-casting of Kirk and Spock with much sexier actors for the 2009 reboot has only made the popularity of K/S swell.

Swell like a throbbing, hard... dilithium crystal.

Worf and Wesley Crusher

Worf and Wesley Crusher is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Ten Greatest Moments in Star Trek Slash Fiction
Photo:  uploaded by Eric Diaz
This one is wrong on SO many levels.

Mind you, during his time on the show, the character Wesley Crusher (played by geek superstar extraordinaire Wil Wheaton) was only 15-18, give or take. So just with that, this is pretty wrong.

And Wil Wheaton was always a soft skinny little pretty boy. So, ya know... why not pair him with an aggressive Klingon f*ck machine like Worf? Just makes sense right?

it should also be mentioned that there are also a few slash fics where Wesley has sex with not just Worf, but the entire crew. One in particular had the brilliant title "Behind the Red Door" (actor Wil Wheaton has even commented on some of these in his blog; nice to see he has a good sense of humor about stories where his teenage self is sexually abused by his castmates). In one Worf/Wesley fic though, It was Wes who was in charge of a drugged Worf, and essentially rapes him in sick bay. It goes something like this:

He pierced his eyes into Worf's. "All those years, I had something to keep me going...the visions of what I'd do to you one day, how I'd pay you back for all the times you handled me like
a piece of sh*t, a clueless little bugger... Oh yeah, you're so big, Worf," he muttered with eyes closed, slightly rocking on his seat. "My soiled warrior...where's your honor now? F***ed by a human s**t,and you can't do a thing about it." Leaning forward again, he placed his hands on the Klingon's chest, burying his fingernails into the leathery skin.

it gets much worse than that, if you can imagine what a Klingon penis can do to a teenage male virgin, but I think you get the idea.

Data and Geordi LaForge

In the second episode of TNG, we found out that Data was anatomically correct when he put it to security chief Tasha Yar under some alien drunken stupor. He then proceeded to not have sex for several seasons (until the movie First Contact actually) But not in the minds of slashfic writers. Nope, he and his best friend, blind engineer Geordi La Forge were getting it on big time on the Enterprise. Here’s an exchange from "Buddies," a nice little Date/Geordi S&M slash I found:

Geordi brought the riding crop down on Data's back again. WHACK!

"Oh God, YES! Beat me, Master!" Data screamed. "Whip my golden
bitch ass! Whip me like a DOG!" He exclaimed, arching his back.

And, that’s pretty much how it goes. There are lots of other Date pairings, but it seems that his blind boy Geordi is his number one guy. At least there isn't anything about Data and his cat Spot. That I know of....

Captain Picard & Q

Captain Picard & Q is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Ten Greatest Moments in Star Trek Slash Fiction
Photo:  uploaded by Eric Diaz
Actor John deLancie, who plays Jean Luc Picard’s omnipotent nemesis Q on Star Trek the Next Generation once called Picard his "main squeeze."

Apparently, fandom took that to heart, as there is way more slashfic portraying Picard/Q in love than say, Picard/Commander Riker or Picard/Data. And Q was a character who only appeared on the series as a guest star once a year or so. He wasn't even a main cast member.

Since much of Q's character on the series involved him torementing and humiliating the crew of the Enterprise-D, it only makes sense that the writers of slash fic would translate that into some kind of S&M relationship with Jean Luc Picard. Almost all of the stories involving Picard and Q have a master and servant flavor to them, it seems.

This story in particular is hands down my favorite one. It's called "Pet's Day Out", where Q takes Picard (his "pet") shopping at Ikea, and they have sex on a display bed.

"I'm soooo embarrassed," Picard said as he sprawled out on a sample mattress in the bedroom department. "You look it," drawled Q, surveying Picard's artfully draped, cut-for-an-old-guy manly physique. "Now get hard for Daddy."

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, I'm thinking it too....Isn't it great that Ikea will still be in business in 400 years?

Dr. Bashir and Garak

Dr. Bashir and Garak is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Ten Greatest Moments in Star Trek Slash Fiction
Photo:  uploaded by Eric Diaz
This is overwhelmingly the #1 slash fic pairing for fans of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, by a significant margin -- which is interesting, as both are supporting characters, and Garak was only a semi-regular character.

When Dr. Julian Bashir, CMO of station Deep Space Nine was introduced to Garak in the second episode of the series, there was a definite gay vibe to the way Garak (the station's tailor and shopkeeper, as well as exiled spy) approached Bashir, who was sitting alone having lunch.

They would eventually become confidants, even friends, and this relationship launched a thousand slashfics, with titles such as "Spy, Tailor, Tease Extraordinaire" and "Too Hot for Odo’s Monitor’s".

Captain Janeway & The Entire Crew of Voyager

Captain Janeway & The Enti... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Ten Greatest Moments in Star Trek Slash Fiction
Photo:  uploaded by Eric Diaz
Captain Kathryn Janeway holds a special place in the Trek Captain pantheon, as she is the first and only woman to command a ship on a series.

As a woman in charge of an entire crew, this leads to a special form of slash fic, one where Janeway is paired with the essentially the whole ship, like a leather clad dominatrix, and the entire crew are her submissive sex slaves.

The most well known of these S/M romps is a series called "The Secret Logs of Mistress Janeway".

These are most famous mostly for being mentioned in the documentary movie Trekkies, and also for the sheer number of stories in the "secret log" (64, at last count). Here’s a typical exchange from one of these stories:

"Janeway to Kim," I said much more stridently, than I should have.
"This is Kim," I could hear the confusion in his tone.
"Where are you?"
"My quarters with Tom."
I squeezed my eyes shut trying to blot out the images of their young, naked bodies entangled together. "Understood. I’m on my way."
"Yes, Captain!" he said brightly.

For years, stories of Mistress Janeway forcing her crew into submission ruled the slashfic world, until Voyager went off the air, at which point they started to slow down. Still, those Secret Logs are out there for those who bother to look...and I'll bet some of you reading this will. Good luck.

Sulu and Chekov

Sulu and Chekov is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Ten Greatest Moments in Star Trek Slash Fiction
Photo:  uploaded by Eric Diaz
Let's face it....there were only three real characters on the original Star Trek series (four if you count Scotty) but Sulu, Chekov and Uhura pretty much sat around the bridge for 79 episodes and just made expository comments or bad jokes about Russia. They rarely got a lot to do.

Not in the slash world though. Nope, in this world these two yellow shirted characters are gettin' it on left and right. And considering how often Captain Kirk beams down to a planet on an away mission, it is easy for the boys to play "when Daddy's away". The Sulu/Chekov pairings usually go something like this:

"'Good morning!" Lt. Sulu's voice was obscenely cheerful as he entered his cabin. "Boy, the bridge is sure quiet today." His captive had no choice but to remain quiet himself. "Pretty boring stuff," the helmsman reported brightly, making unidentifiable noises around the room. "You know how it is -maintaining standard orbit around a planet with a skeleton crew while everyone else is down there having a good time... Well, almost everyone." "Mmmm," the lieutenant said, cupping the ensign's rump in his hands. "Nothing better for a coffee break than sweet buns..."

Somehow, this all ends in some S&M type scenario, but then...doesn't everything?

Odo & Quark

Odo & Quark is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Ten Greatest Moments in Star Trek Slash Fiction
Photo:  uploaded by Eric Diaz
Odo is Deep Space Nine's shapeshifter security chief whose natural shape is a bucket of goo.

Quark is basically Ferengi with giant ears that wrap around his head, and bulbous cranium, and fangs for teeth.

Somewhere in the world, there is someone who wanted these two characters to have sex SO much they needed to write about it, and then share it with the world.

I guess the contempt these two characters shared for each other on the show ultimately had to result in some kind of sex, no matter how frickin' weird it was.

Odo also had relations with the former Cardassion head of Deep Space Nine, Gul Dukat. In one story, Dukat makes Odo use his shape changing ability to his advantage -

"I heard you know some more tricks," the Cardassian said. "Maybe, but I won't perform them for you." "You are nothing, Odo. That's your name. Whatever you do here, you do so because we allow you to." Odo's head sank, his gaze coming to rest on the man's boots. "And tonight, you will do as I say."

I gotta say, shapeshifting for your evil master makes more sense than Odo ever having sex with Quark.And it is probably a hell of a lot sexier.