Sam and Bill Steam Up The Showerv"I hear the water in Arkansas is very hard"... easily one of the greatest homoerotic lines ever uttered on this show. The whole conversation was an innuendo and the scene played out pretty much like the beginning of a really hot gay porn, which is really, other than the thought of Bill and Sam, what brings this item to the top of the list. Spoiler alert: it was a dream sequence (which didn't make it any less hot).
Anyone and everyone watching this episode was a little more than surprised to see Sam saunter over to the motel door and open it to find Bill shirtless and breathing heavily. We're getting the feeling that something is not quite right... until Bill begins to take off his pants and eyeballs Sam's lips repeatedly. Then it's confirmed. By the time they were bound for the shower together the answer was clear and jaws were on the floor. We rewound it...twice.
Eric Stabs Talbot in the BackvWell, you could say that Talbot really got f**ked in this episode. **rimshot** (no pun intended)
Though this goes well beyond subtle homoerotic-undertones and steam trains (wakwakwaka) into gay sex, the details were really there. Eric tells Talbot to turn over to which he responds "Yes Daddy!"
Season 3 Spoiler, but the reason this item is on this list:
This one makes it in just on the basis of being a visual double entendre. Not to mention a shocking, hilarious, somewhat heart wrenching and thoroughly bad ass kill. Also, even though Eric has been shown to exhibit some homoerotic tendencies with some straight characters, he's never been outwardly and openly gay, as he primarily lusts after women.
Jason Vogues, Dances for LafayettevThere’s nothing quite like a little "blackmale" to really heat up a romance. It’s a dom/sub fantasy that even finds its way into the PG world of the rom-com (please see The Proposal – really don’t – but do note that blackmail is the major plot theme).
There is something about Jason expressing his inner Madge (circa 1990) in his tighty whiteys that is both boyishly charming and erotically appealing. Perhaps it is his slow surrender to his burgeoning career as "America’s Next Top Web Cam Model." Or perhaps it is just his lick-o-licious abs attached to his "aw shucks sir, silly ol’ me is just prime for the taking advantage of meat" demeanor, but Jason and Laffy + camera spells = a Campbell's style ".mm, mmm good" emotion.
The Bill and Jason Bromancev"Was that, okay for you?" Oh, it was a lot more than "just fine" for us Jason. Ryan Kwanten, who plays Jason, has both stellar comedic timing and a raw sense of vulnerability that makes Jason one of the most compelling and fun characters to watch on this show.
Throw in a rock hard body from tip to toe and color us card carrying members of team Jason.
This scene has the all the best flavors of Jason: sweet, well-intentioned, vulnerable and helplessly, hopelessly dumb.
We love it. It also captures that tantalizing mix of awkward curiosity and embarrassment that sometimes occurs between two straight men when they are caught touching each other... and liking it.
Lafayette Peacocks for EricvLaffy and Eric were one of True Blood’s greatest couples towards the end of season two.
They had chemistry, wit and a healthy dose of well deserved fear and animosity in the mix. Once Lafayette ingested Eric’s blood, the universal nature of the blood induced sex dreams came to the fore. Any time you put the words Eric, Nothman and sex together in a sentence, it works for us.
Yet prior to his hemoglobin induced wet dream, Lala felt it necessary to "present" to Eric in what we can only imagine is a Bon Temps mating ritual. This scenes works both as a great site gag, and as a humorously erotic moment between Lala and Eric.
Eric Kneels Before His KingNothing says supplication or delicious quite like the site of Alexander Skarsgard, who plays the blond vampire Eric on the show, on bended knee.
This scene works for us on a few levels. First, it illustrates the all out, balls to the wall, "in your face viewer" joy ride of the ridiculous that True Blood tends to be.
As an audience member, Eric’s "bait and switch" with the King seemed to hail straight out of the archives of an old Scooby Doo episode. How was it that a vamp as old and savvy as Russell didn’t see what Eric (that pesky kid) was up to with his declaration of fealty? Particularly when it seemed almost painfully obvious to us sitting at home.
As the interplay between the two progressed one went from an eyebrow raise, to a quizzical look to all out laughter at (or with?) the scene. That is when you see some of the true genius of this show. Not only does it not have to make sense (because the fun is in the outrageous nature of the circumstance), but the crazy part is that eventually it does make sense. Knowing what we now know of Russell, it seems perfectly feasible that one suffering from such insane megalomania would be easily fooled when appealed to, given that level of Vanity.
Second, as someone who is accomplished at turning just about any statement into a sexual innuendo I really must in fact (metaphorically) kneel before Alan Ball as the master. One thousand years of torment and sorrow over the untimely and brutal death of your family? If there is a way to turn that into a blow job joke – Alan Ball will find it. And we love him for it.
The Whole Eric/Godric RelationshipvThough I know we've been told many times that the Maker/Progeny relationship is sacred and pseudo parental and all that blah, blah, blah... LOOK at these two! Eric kneels before him at every opportunity, stares longingly and weeps like a lover forsaken when Godric decides to end his life. We all kept waiting to hear cries of "What about me?!!"
Even if they hadn't been lovers in the books, the passion that was exercised by Eric in his quest to find Godric and his captors would make Hawkeye from The Last of the Mohicans blush.
And although it is sort of a "sacred" relationship, it's still blatantly, if not overtly homoerotic, as a lot of vampiric relationships are. Vampires, in this kind of iteration, are always erotic with almost every character they encounter; this just happens to be a male relationship with some light S&M undertones... hot ones.
Here's a video of Eric and Godric's relationship set to Boyz 2 Men's "On Bended Knee":
Eric and Bill Go Shopping!vNow this tasty little treat of a scene is straight out of a forgotten episode of My Two Painfully Hot, Blood Guzzling, Dads.
Every so often Alan Ball takes a momentary breather from the steady stream of femoral artery gore and titillation that is True Blood and offers his audience a momentary respite in the form of the salty-sweet moment.
Here is one of those moments.
Arch rivals Eric and Bill somehow manage to simultaneously capture the essence of every woman’s fantasy men and that of a really cute couple. This scene depicts that apparent dichotomy perfectly. Part of what made season one of True Blood so enjoyable was the image of the vampire, as a species, assimilating to our mundane, human world.
Bill shopping for his teenage "baby vamp" daughter with a track-suit-clad Eric in toe is a quintessential "vamp assimilation" moment.
Please do note Bill’s "I am vampire" proclamation to the sales clerk for an extra dose camp.
The Bill and Werewolf Pack “V”ehicular Gang BangFor a minute there it appeared as though we watching the new Raging Stallion porn Epic. Bill chained up and sandwiched in the back seat between 2 burly, muscled werewolf "Daddies" who are sucking his blood and rubbing their bodies with pleasure.
Oh, and let's not forget the driver who's jonesing for a shot of Bills "blood." After a few "uh huh..." moments, one of Bill's rear seat captors snowballs the blood it into the driver's mouth. Mmmmm, group pleasure.
And just for good measure, and because there's little to no werewolf love on this list, here's a picture of werewolf hero Alcide shirtless and staring at you, because we know you're into it.
Eric Dips His Ducky Into Bill's Tubbyv"Depends on how you look at it" indeed. This is perhaps one of the subtlest homoerotic overtures on the list.
Ostensibly speaking, two undead Lotharios are having a combined "my fangs are longer than yours" pissing contest over Sookie (and world music seminar) in the buff.
Approach it from the correct angle and you will see the subtle overtones that play out in their relationship.
Eric takes a soak in Bill’s tub to illustrate his superior position, and Sookie is the "bone" that these two chew on, true. Yet with a grown man "balls out" in another man’s commode as they discuss each other’s "business", the scene, and a lot of this show in general, does somewhat beg the question "Is this strictly straight boy behavior?"
Either way, we are 100% completely and utterly fine with it.