quotations The Very Best Conan O'Brien Quotes  

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Conan O'Brien quotes highlight some of the brilliant late night TV host and writer's funniest jokes. Some quotes are more serious and introspective (many, not surprisingly, deal with overcoming disappointment), while others are true zingers aimed at everyone from political figures to corporations. Over the years, Conan O'Brien has provided faithful viewers with some classic comedic quotes - many in his hilarious monologues. His new documentary, 'Conan O'Brien Can't Stop,' also contains some absolute gems. Check out some of the best Conan O'Brien quotes here, and if you don't see your favorite, be sure to list it in the comments!
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On Goals


"I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too."

And if Jay Leno wants to do it too, you're SOL. Unless you're Conan - then you just move to cable, keep being witty, and beat the crap out of Leno in the ratings.
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On Starbucks


"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!"

Great idea. Companies aren't immune from being the butt of Conan's monologue jokes - not even Starbucks.
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On Scientology


"The other day, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg criticized the Church of Scientology, saying the religion doesn't make sense. In response, a furious Tom Cruise said, 'Cupcakes, Zipper, Armadillo."

Lots of jokes about Scientology, but few as funny as Conan's.
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On Disappointment


"I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality."

Conan O'Brien delivered the commencement address at Dartmouth on June 12, 2011. He offered graduates truly insightful advice, drawing, of course, on his own experiences.