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My Drunk Kitchen Episode Six: Brunch?Our charming drunk chef decides to go all fancy in episode six of "My Drunk Kitchen," entitled simply, "Brunch?" Mimosas are a must when making brunch. After sharing her recipe for perfect Mimosas, and then partaking of her delicious cocktail, she gets her buzz on. She then partakes of another age-old brunch tradition: whining about "problems that aren't actually problems." Bravo, drunken chef, bravo!
Time to cook. She's making pancakes. She quickly learns that having pancake mix doesn't actually mean you've got all the ingredients you need. After adding (we think) all the necessary ingredients and gently mixing, she waits for the fire to heat the pan. And drinks. And then she adds trail mix to make some "f**kin' fancy pancakes." The result? A pancake "that looks like my dreams!"
Her final message?
"If you have a dream? You should...have it...in your heart face. Pancakes!"
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My Drunk Kitchen Episode Four: Not Easy, Bake OvenEpisode four of "My Drunk Kitchen," entitled "Not Easy, Bake Oven," opens by defining Drunk Baking:
"An art best performed with moderate supervision so as not to burn down one's apartment."
How wise. Safety conscious! And we're baking! Or getting baked. Our key ingredients? Champagne and eggs. Oh and the fire marshall. He's helpful. Our drunken chef snags a cookie recipe off the web, sets the oven to "bake" and drinks. A lot. While she waits for the oven to heat up.
Our additional ingredients:
"Some f**kin' flour"
"Some f**kin' butter"
"Some f**kin' mother f**kin' eggs."
This ain't the Food Channel. And that's why we love it.
In a mixing bowl, our (now heavily intoxicated cook) is getting a little bored with this complicated recipe. Way too many f**kin' things. She wants easy recipes, not stuff that has secret codes. Her best advice for handling this "pretentious ass recipe?" Put all the s**t in a bowl and mix it up. Yep. That's the best drunken cooking advice yet. Oh, and try to have enough alcohol on hand to get you through making the whole recipe, start to finish.
While you're waiting for the cookies to bake, you can clean up your mess so your roommates don't get pissed you're doing a drunk cooking show. Also, you can look up cookie baking sheets and order them online. You know, so you don't make cookie biscuits. Or cookie cornbread.
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My Drunk Kitchen Episode Eight: Ice Cream? Someday...Uh oh. Our drunk chef is clearly more intoxicated than usual in this "My Drunk Kitchen" episode, entitled, "Ice Cream? Someday..." In this video, our chef recognizes that it's summer. It's warm. So she's gonna keep the cooking to a minimum. This likely means way, way more drinking (this episode's choice is a nice rose wine). And ice cream. Because it's nostalgic.
Our drunken chef has decided that making an entire batch of homemade ice cream is a bit much for her to handle. She's making a smaller amount, using a sandwich bag and a snack pack baggie. She adds milk, vanilla, and a little sugar (she substitutes a little raw sugar instead) in her baggie. She's tired, so she has a little more wine. In the larger baggie, she adds ice cubes and salt, putting the smaller bag in the larger one. She shakes. And shakes. And shakes the baggie. A bit too much. Things get messy. Her solution? More wine. And put the bag in the freezer. Get out a real carton of ice cream. Put on cone. Smother cone with s**t. Cram in face. Easy peasy!
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My Drunk Kitchen Episode Seven: TacosAlright kids, it's time for tacos! Episode seven of "My Drunk Kitchen" finds our talented, tipsy (well okay smashed as hell) host opening with a rant about the fact that she thinks guys who say they can "drink her under the table" are pretty much losers. And she's making "jargaritas" - margaritas in mason jars.
She's making Mexican food. Tacos, no less. Her secret ingredient for making delicious Mexican delights: "a s**t ton of lime." Remember that. Using ground turkey (turkeys are much less cute than cows, after all), our chef prepares the meat. While the "cookie is turkeying" she gets the other ingredients ready. She even uses a cheese grater to prepare the lettuce - genius! She suggests going out, in a Camaro, to possibly secure some tacos. We think.
What we learned: "Tacos are like nachos, but in your hand and not on a plate." Oh, and the taco "is the most versatile fruit." And also, we should learn another language, "so Americans seem less ignorant."
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My Drunk Kitchen Episode Three: Omelette You FinishOur drunk chef begins this "My Drunk Kitchen" episode, "Omelette You Finish," by opening a nice bottle of wine, which she will no doubt finish during the course of her cooking.
This time, she's making breakfast for dinner! Yay! Drunk chef with eggs - always a good plan. She's making an omelette! She's showing us the freckle on the end of her nose! She's also eating Mexican food leftovers while she works. She's adding the rice to the omelette (which kind of morphs into scrambled eggs - much easier for the intoxicated to make). Safety advice: How do you know there's no salmonella? If you smell burning. Of course. But what if your breakfast "tastes like s**t?" Drunk kitchen chef highly recommends adding cheese. Unless it's trapped. Trapped cheese is bad.
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