- 1+ 17- 8
101 Piece Play Food AssortmentI believe I threw out a plastic banana and a piece of plastic toast only a few weeks ago (my kid is 9 years old). When they say 101 pieces, they aren't kidding. If you think any of those pieces of plastic are staying in one place, you have many years of disappointment ahead of you.
- 2+ 14- 7
Hasbro Playskool Busy Ball PopperWhee! Balls! Fun! You turn it on, the vacuum starts up and the balls come flying out the top. So many plastic balls! The baby loves it! Grab the balls, put them back in the slide, grab them when they come flying up! There goes one, skittering and rolling across the wood floors under the couch. And another! And another!
I am still finding those things whenever I move a bookshelf or pull back the couch. My chiropractor knows all about them from all time I needed my back snapped back into position from retrieving them from under everything.
- 3+ 14- 9
Little People Animal Sounds FarmIt was the chicken. The clucking chicken. I am not kidding when I tell you that we still hear it sometimes, clucking for no reason to itself up in the attic under a heap of old baby toys in a box. Also, sometimes, the squealing pig.
Cluck cluck cluck CLUCK! Cluck cluck cluck CLUCK! Cluck cluck cluck CLUCK! Cluck cluck cluck CLUCK!
- 4+ 12- 8
Fisher-Price Elmo's World Talking Cell PhoneSure, elmo's voice is annoying. Now put its electronic version onto a toy that will activate by pressing buttons. (Little side note: babies love to press buttons. All the time. Over and over. ) Make sure that whatever buttons they have available to them are either not annoying, or not shrill, or not loud.
All the talking phones are bad. This particular phone puts them all to shame. Bonus horror: those eyes open when you flip the phone on.
- 5+ 9- 9
Little Tikes Buzz About MailboxThis toy seems like such a good idea! Kids love mailboxes! Right? RIGHT?! So lets have a toy where they can pretend to have a mailbox. Only in this terrifying land of plastic mail, there is an electronic bee that sounds like a bag of gravel in a blender when activated. No problem, you think... we won't activate it. Guess what? Movement activates it. As in, someone walking across the floor nearby. Or vacuuming. Or, say, brushing it with your leg as you struggle with the diaper genie.BRURRRRRBRURRRRBURRRRRURURURURURURURURURURUBRUUUUUBRRRRRRR.
And it doesn't stop, for like, a full 30 second count. Enjoy!
I can still hear this sound as I type this. It's replaying in my head right now. And my son is now 9.
- 6+ 5- 6
IQ Baby BuzzPerhaps our experience with this one was bad because of malfunction. Well, probably, yes. But it was also crazy. This thing has a couple of experiences when you press the buttons. One of them involves vibrating quite strongly. If you put this toy into a toy box - as one does - and you put another toy in said toy box with it - as one does - then you might wonder why there's a buzzing sound coming from the baby's room in the middle of the night for no reason. After investiagation, you will find that if another toy even touches one of these very sensitive buttons, it will vibrate. If the contact is sustained, it will continue to vibrate.
A vibrating toy amongst a box of electronic, motion activated toys is not something you want to deal with in the middle of the night. Or, well, ever.
- 7+ 7- 11
Play Doh Play SetSure, lots of us might kind of remember how much fun play doh was, but really... think back for a minute. How much fun WAS it? I mostly remember that the commercial seemed fun. But as a parent, Play Doh sucks. Hard. First of all, it immediately ... and I mean immediately, makes a mess. It gets into the carpet. It smears onto their clothes. And... if you have a toddler, odds are high that they will eat it. I mean, its colorful and you can smash it into shapes that resemble candy. If you don't immediately re-store it, it gets hard and unusuable... and just imagine what it does when it turns hard and its still in your carpet or furniture. The play set blows for the simple reason that every kid wants it, and it is entertaining for approximately 5 minutes... leaving you with a lifetime of dried, encrusted play doh in the cracks and crannies of your home.