The Worst Baby Toys (For Parents) Anything

The Worst Baby Toys (For Parents)

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Have a baby or a toddler? If it's your first, you will soon be experiencing the wide and wonderful world of hateful, hateful toys that will inevitably make their hateful, hateful way into your home. I am sure that, 90% of the time, the people giving you these things just don't KNOW.... but I bet, secretly, deep down, 10% of the people are giving these to you ON PURPOSE. I often wonder if the product development teams that make these things have a good laugh around the conference table when they are determining features. Sure, these bad baby toys might be loved by your kids (and probably just to spite you!), but they will live in your nightmares, and some of these sounds will never leave you. Add the baby toys you hate the most to this list!
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    Little Tikes Buzz About Mailbox

    This toy seems like such a good idea! Kids love mailboxes! Right? RIGHT?! So lets have a toy where they can pretend to have a mailbox. Only in this terrifying land of plastic mail, there is an electronic bee that sounds like a bag of gravel in a blender when activated. No problem, you think... we won't activate it. Guess what? Movement activates it. As in, someone walking across the floor nearby. Or vacuuming. Or, say, brushing it with your leg as you struggle with the diaper genie.

    BRURRRRRBRURRRRBURRRRRURURURURURURURURURURUBRUUUUUBRRRRRRR. 

    And it doesn't stop, for like, a full 30 second count. Enjoy!

    I can still hear this sound as I type this. It's replaying in my head right now. And my son is now 9.

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    Hasbro Playskool Busy Ball Popper

    Whee! Balls! Fun! You turn it on, the vacuum starts up and the balls come flying out the top. So many plastic balls! The baby loves it! Grab the balls, put them back in the slide, grab them when they come flying up! There goes one, skittering and rolling across the wood floors under the couch. And another! And another!

    I am still finding those things whenever I move a bookshelf or pull back the couch. My chiropractor knows all about them from all time I needed my back snapped back into position from retrieving them from under everything.

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    Fisher-Price Elmo's World Talking Cell Phone

    Sure, elmo's voice is annoying. Now put its electronic version onto a toy that will activate by pressing buttons. (Little side note: babies love to press buttons. All the time. Over and over. ) Make sure that whatever buttons they have available to them are either not annoying, or not shrill, or not loud.

    All the talking phones are bad. This particular phone puts them all to shame. Bonus horror: those eyes open when you flip the phone on.

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    Little People Animal Sounds Farm

    It was the chicken. The clucking chicken. I am not kidding when I tell you that we still hear it sometimes, clucking for no reason to itself up in the attic under a heap of old baby toys in a box. Also, sometimes, the squealing pig.

    Cluck cluck cluck CLUCK! Cluck cluck cluck CLUCK! Cluck cluck cluck CLUCK! Cluck cluck cluck CLUCK!

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    IQ Baby Buzz

    Perhaps our experience with this one was bad because of malfunction. Well, probably, yes. But it was also crazy. This thing has a couple of experiences when you press the buttons. One of them involves vibrating quite strongly. If you put this toy into a toy box - as one does - and you put another toy in said toy box with it - as one does - then you might wonder why there's a buzzing sound coming from the baby's room in the middle of the night for no reason. After investiagation, you will find that if another toy even touches one of these very sensitive buttons, it will vibrate. If the contact is sustained, it will continue to vibrate.

    A vibrating toy amongst a box of electronic, motion activated toys is not something you want to deal with in the middle of the night. Or, well, ever.

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