Her AccordionYes the constant breathy reverberations of the piano bag haunt my steps but usually just for 3-4 hours after dinner every night.
I sometimes have to spin the annoyance positively for guests as I encourage them to imagine we're trapped inside a Fellini film.
Feeding her CatsI'm not sure why she throws their food up into the air kamikaze style but its probably because she loves watching them chase it around her hardwood floors while she eats desert and drinks Yakult.
"Oh you should try Yakult Laurence its sooo good."
Okay I love it. Are you happy now? Its delicious, alright, fine, so what.
Entertaining Strange MenSo you're either murdering someone on a jet ski or having sex on a water bed while you watch NASCAR.
No really thats great we love the smell of cigars, cigarettes and don't mind your bathtub overflowing into our kitchen.
Watching JeopardyJust try and think of it as free night school.
Did you know the Bering Strait is known to natives as "Imakpik"
Masterb@$%ingSo you can sit on your Dremel strapped to a cushion - - why go on screaming about it?
Yes, we can hear every echoing mechanical whir and gravely sinful moan but fortunately only in our hallway right by the living room archway.
I wish people handled excitement more... modestly. Like... writing about it.
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