To Cable! | Commercials To Schedule TV Watching Around

Record TV in advance, and your insomniac tendencies won't be a problem. Forget to DVR your HD cable, and you'll probably get stuck watching one of these commercials -- all of which could serve as an example of why it's bad to watch TV without a fast forward button at your fingertips. Unless of course you like having the $5 footlong tune stuck in your head all day. In which case, you and the creepy Six Flags guy are totally on your own.

Rank

Name

Blog Text

1

The Frosty Posse

I have a visceral reaction to this commercial. Yeah, I want to run right out and buy a Wendy's Frosty because this band of white boys, dripping in $.99 store jewelry, tell me to. I was partaking in Frosties long before these idiots were in diapers. Good thing they have day jobs, because the boy band movement died about ten years ago.
2

Schick Quattro Trimmer

Beyond tacky. Got that? This commercial had to have been designed by a man, because only a man would see humor in comparing a woman's pubic hair to a topiary garden. While I won't disclose my own preferences, I hope I never come across a man who shaves his own into a heart. I like this lawn the same as I do facial hair - you've either got a full face of forest or nothing.
3

Subway 5 for $5

It doesn't have a beat. It doesn't have a rhythm. It doesn't have a tune. And it's now stuck in my head.
4

Enzyte

Yeah, this beauty is exploding with imagery. The faux male reindeers head-butting as "Bob" corrals the women. "Bob" carrying a large stick. "Bob" giving the gift that keeps on giving. I hate Bob. I want to pop him full of pills, slice it off and serve it at that Christmas party. That'll wipe that creepy, nightmare-inducing smile off of Bob's face. Suck it, Bob.
5

E-Harmony.com

You know, I'm happy as a clam that these people found each other. But I lose my lunch every freaking time I have to watch them slow dance in slow motion and gaaaaze at each other with googly eyes. Ugh. Spare me. Stick "David" in a room with a hot 18 year old wearing a g-string and see how long that compatibility lasts.
6

McDonald's

Young man, eat your real dinner and go to your room. And I don't know what drugs you sold to buy that outfit, but I know we didn't pay for it. Not cool, little, dude. Not cool.
7

Girls Gone Wild

WARNING: What you are about to see shouldn't be viewed by anyone. It will shrink your brain and cause your penis to fall off. I fail to see what's hot about this. Each girl is maybe 17 years old, weighs 80 pounds and is an A cup. How is this tempting? Oh, wait. That's right. I'm not an 80 yr old man.
8

Progressive Insurance

I swear, this woman gets WAY too excited about insurance. I just want to punch her in the face and then throw her in a pit with the Geico Cavemen.
9

NutriSystem

For all I care, Dan Marino can lend his name to whatever he wants. But Larry the Cable guy? His pot belly was part of his act and now he doesn't even look like a redneck as much as he does an abusive lumberjack who hasn't eaten in a year who drinks Acai Berry and wheatgrass shots. He doesn't belong on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. He belongs in The Vagina Monologues.
10

Larry H. Parker

I'd pay 2.8 million just to get this descendant of a baby bald eagle off the air.
11

Time Life Collections

Peter Fonda is an Oscar nominated actor who is part of an Oscar winning family that has the bluest blood in the industry. What the hell is he doing in this commercial in that God awful biker get-up?
12

Valtrex

"I have genital herpes." And now everyone knows it. Good luck getting a date with this kind of acting exposure.

Comments

We have matched and added your list to this consensus list. Why?