Robert Pattinson Constantly Assaultedv
Sure, everyone craps all over Robby Patts for being a little too unappreciative and condemning of his fame and fortune, but here's a pretty funny and then off-putting video of Twihards following Robert Pattinson, as if they were hired extras following a rockstar in a Hollywood movie. This is real, though, and apparently actually still happens.
00:28 - 00:38 Perhaps the most disturbing bit happens during the 10 seconds where there are girls screaming at him (listen for it) "Please, Robert, PLEASE!"
It's as if they're asking for some (much needed) help from someone who can save their lives (which it seems they're running low on to begin with).
Also, Here's a video of a fan attempting to kiss Robert Pattinson on the street.
And THAT, friends, is SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
Last, but not least, let's not forget the time Robert Pattinson was almost killed by a taxi cab because Twi-hards chased him out of a bookstore.
They really are going to kill this guy. Is being one of the richest people really worth this constant harassment?
Twilight Fans Almost Killed Some Non-Fans
In the world of Twilight, it's Vampires vs. Werewolves.
Here in the real world (yes, we actually DO live in a world that's REAL), there are the Twihards (die-hard Twilight fans) and Antis (people who hate or are "anti" Twilight). Though most people are either neutral or "Anti", the die-hard Twi-hards have done their best to ensure that people know that if they don't like Twilight, they will have to PAY.
Here are 3 Example Anecdotes From People Who Were Actually Assaulted For Being Anti-Twilight ( via io9 ):
"ANTIS" GET SHOT WITH A FLARE GUN
"Not with a gun but with a signaling rocket, today or yesterday actually (time zones) me and 3 friends (1 female 2 males) were talking about how much Twilight sucks ass and were bashing it. We were down by the fishing docks on the north strip of the island watching the fishermen unload their catch when apparently a twi-hard overheard us behind some shipping basins (for stowing fish).
She apparently just got off her fathers boat, and had a whole bunch of equipment. Including a red Orion single shot/use hand-held rocket flare (you know those tubes that you are suppose to hit the bottom and the rocket flies out? anyways she overheard us talking and pulled out this flare, from her basket of stuff.
The last thing I herd was the cap flying off the front. With a loud psshhh sound my friend yelped and dropped to the ground. The flre bounced off him and flew to the ground. We kicked the flare away, just then the parachute popped out and a bright red light nerly blinded all of us. Four fishermen ran over to help, one saw everything and restrained the twi-hard (who was kicking and screaming). My friends left arm was sizzling where the rocket moter had burned him (thankfully not the para-flare or it would have been much worse). One of the fishermen shoved all of us in his pickup truck and drove us to the local hospital where my friend is still unable to completely use his left arm. The girl is being held on $50,000 bail for attempted murder with a deadly weapon. We plan to go to court in a week with all of us as witnesses."
TWIHARDS JUMP A STUDENT :
"Our school journalism team makes a monthly magazine with various topics. The newest issue came out today and featured two opposing views of Breaking Dawn. Curious, I read them over. The Breaking Dawn supporter rambled on about how the series' ending left her breathless...The writer [of the anti Breaking Dawn side] called Breaking Dawn a literary piece of trash.
Then the fantards came, they were fairly pissed after reading the anti article. On my way out of last period, there was a big crowd around the lunch room. I'm sure you can guess what happened....Three twitards were beating the hell out of the anti article writer. While calling her a bitch, one actually screamed 'HOW DARE YOU INSULT STEPHENIE'S WRITING!'..."
Anyway, Justice has been served, to some extent. After I left school on Friday, the three girls were taken to a juvenile facility, and are currently serving suspension, though I'm not sure how long it is. The girl who wrote the article said she was doing fine, she had to get a few stitches above her eyebrow and her lip was split..."
ATTEMPTED THROAT SLITTING :
"OK, I don't hate Twilight. But I'm not in love with it either. Heres what happened. At lunch today every single girl at the table is talking about Twilight. I try to tell them about the crazed fan girl attacks that have been going on lately (which is making me dislike the series more and more).
One of the girls actually tried to talk some sense into ME! She tried to explain that the Fan girls were just angry. And I said, "If people who don't like Twilight, get on obsessed fan girls nerves that much Twilight should be destroyed!" Some of the girls at my table understood. Some got really pissed. One of the girls marched off steaming. I thought I had made my point. But of course in Algebra I went to go sharpen my pencil, and that girl who marched off was in my class. she came up behind me and tried to slit my throat with a shank!
She screamed "How dare you say Twilight should be destroyed!" Now, I had to do something. So I took my pencil out of the sharpener and stabbed her in the side (thank god i had already sharpened my pencil or she wouldn't have felt the stab). She lost concentration for a second or two, so she could look at the pencil sticking out of her.
Without such a strong grasp, i was able to break free. By now students were restraining her as she kicked and screamed. She was expelled, but I got after school detention for defending myself (our principal is a ass)! If you were about to die, Would you fight back? So I'm talking over the detention with my idiot principal, back to the matter at hand, Has the world gone mad? Its a book! Nobody should obsess like that. I mean god! She tried to kill me! Because I said that the fan girls are really hurting people? That just proves my point."
Urban Dictionary definition:
The mixed feeling of wondering awe and devastating sadness when a person finishes the last book of the Twilight saga, Breaking Dawn. Caution: Persons may have suicidal thoughts after finishing this unrealistically intriguing series...if you are one of these people be sure to remember the f*ture Twilight movies that are yet to be released and that the half book Midnight Sun is posted on Stephanie Meyers website.
Here's a real life account of someone "suffering" from Post-Twilight Depression, and the people who came to her aid with advice like:
"... The best thing to do is start thinking of things that make him [Edward, the lead vampire in the series] not perfect. The best thing is time, eventually you'll find something new too obsess over."
Post Twilight Depression Support Thread on a Forum That Is, We S**t You Not, Under the "Health" Section Of This Website
Picture on the left is actually of a fan's reaction to Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart attending the Eclipse premiere (via NYPost )
This doesn't just affect teenage girls, though. This "kind of" depression actually affects grown women and has even ruined some (most likely on thin ice anyway) marriages.
Here's a full article on an account of this, and below is a quote from the article.
WOMAN ADDICTED TO TWILIGHT:
"It's like a drug," writes one concerned fan with the username Ally. "I have to read it or I break down crying. It’s awful. I don’t want to tell anyone about it. But I fear it’s unhealthy."
"My husband finally came to me and said, ‘I think you love "Twilight" more than you love me,’ " says Johnson, who had become especially attached to the community she’d found online. "I ended up moving out of the house and fought for my marriage for six weeks. I had to take a step back and detox myself from ‘Twilight.’ I was really angry that I had allowed it to suck me in. Now I meet women every single day where ‘Twilight’ has become a major issue in their marriage."
Homelessness - Twilight Fans Line-Up DAYS Before Premiere
Look out Star Wars fans, Twi-hards are the new "Comic Book Guy" of passionate, rabid, crazy fans. Twilight fans started lining up DAYS before the premiere of the newest film "Eclipse".
Click the image to the left for more ACTUAL pictures of Twi-hards camping out for this release
After being cleared by security, they lined up in pajamas just to catch a glimpse of the stars of the movies.
Unlike Star Wars fans, though, they don't even get to see the film. They're sitting there to try and attack poor Robert Pattinson again, or to cull autographs from the likes of his co-stars, forcing their parents along with them to suffer through the cold, dead sting of the night air... of course, cold and dead is how they like it, so maybe that's not a problem for them.
Sex Toys = Too Far
Although this is not a direct fan reaction, it IS a company reaction to fan reaction. This product was made due to "popular demand".
A little background: In Twilight, vampires don't burn up in the sun like all the other vampires in the history of vampires, but they "sparkle", unlike any other vampires that are actually vampires. Maybe we've been reading too much Stephenie Meyer...
Another fun fact is that vampires are "dead", not alive. Therefore, their skin would be cold.
ENTER TANTUS (no pun intended... until now)
Tantus is a sex toy, or d***o, that is supposed to look like a penis, just like any other normal sex toy. How is it different?
1. It sparkles when you take it out into the sunlight (HEY, just like-... Oh...)
2. Its built with a kind of silicone that retains temperature, so that you can (according to their website) "toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience."
According to the people who originally made this, they made a sparkling sex toy for women (and gay men), but got complaints that they couldn't keep the temperature right. This feature was made because of popular demand.
We'll let the demo video speak for itself.
View the video demo via this link, picture not included here for the purposes of your dignity.
Renesmee Fan Art
Apparently, one Twihard actually took the time to craft vamp-loving Bella's vamp-baby-carrying womb from felt . Not only is it anatomically correct - or at least, as anatomically correct as you can get when building a womb containing a vampire baby out of felt - it's also interactive, so you can open and close it at will. Because what fun is a felt vamp-baby fetus if you can't forcibly remove it from the womb at whim?
And, if that wasn't enough for you, there's an entire treasure trove of fan art celebrating Bella and Edward's vampire baby Renesmee, including plenty of pornographic pics portraying the infant Renesmee's love affair with Taylor Lautner's teen wolf character. Yes, you read that right. There are actual fan art communities devoted to drawing a baby getting it on with a big, bad wolf.
And you thought the fan fiction was weird...
Some people have chosen to express their passionate love for the series via a complete overhaul of their entire lifestyle, starting with their rooms.
Click the picture on the left for a full gallery of "Twilight Rooms"
According to a popular blog that regularly follows how crazy all these Twilight fans are :
"After her husband refused to let her decorate their bedroom, Moore transformed the guest bedroom of her Katy, Texas, home into a 'Twilight fantasy.' 'One of my best friends says she wants to spend her birthday in there!' she told PEOPLE. 'Everyone who has seen my Twilight room either loves it or thinks I’m crazy.'
Might want to replace the "either loves it or" part of that sentence with a blank space.
Hmmm... Wonder if any of them have the Robert Pattinson Shower Curtain
Welcome to Black Island Farms in Utah, everybody, where among 400 acres of carrots, onions and cabbages you can find two huge 24-acre-corn mazes of Edward Cullen's and Jacob Black's faces. One per Twilight bachelor.
Aerial photos show a side design in the corn depicting a KUTV reporter holding a microphone.
That reporter better be a male, because you know that devoted fangirls will go in with some grass shears and literally chop her head off. NO FEMALE CAN GET THAT CLOSE TO MY FICTIONAL LOVER!
*Ahem*... which is what I'm assuming , they'd say.
The intricate patterns made to embody Edward and Jacob's features were done with the help of GPS technology.
Oh, science, how useful you are to the things that matter.
Panties - Both On AND Off
Twilight is all about lust and that emotional turmoil we felt when we were teens. TEENS, people... or so we thought.
In a 2009 interview with Jay Leno, Taylor Lautner, the bronzy man-boy who plays werewolf Jacob in the Twilight series, claims that a 40-year-old woman tried taking off her Team Jacob panties for him to sign.
For those not interested in showing their wahoo to the world, you can be a little bit more discreet with your Twilight fantasies with the Robward Panties. Created by one naughty fan who goes by the name of "Red Bella", these panties have desire and enticement sewn all over their cotton body. The front has an image of Rob/Edward and his glaring eyes.
The back? Well, the back is his mouth.
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