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Pat Robertson on the Earthquake in HaitiThe news anchor may refer to Pat Robertson's "blessing in disguise" (0:19) explanation for the Haiti earthquake as a "pretty optimistic attitude" (0:28), but we sure as hell don't. (See what we did there? hell reference? No? Okay, moving on... )
0:48 - Robertson delivered a damning accusation to the Haitian people by claiming that they "swore a pact with the devil" during the French Revolution. It's a true story. He was there.
This man literally believes in demons AND many people STILL ask him for advice on a regular basis... let's keep going.
Pat Robertson on Karate + Chuck NorrisThis Pat Robertson clip gets a little tricky because he's almost likable when he starts talking about Chuck Norris. References to "ghetto kids" (0:40) dapple the conversation but hey, the guy's got to start slow. He's like an orchestra of crazy, he needs to "build."
In the long run, a Pat Robertson show is a Pat Robertson show and the crazy s**t has gotta come out somehow. And boy does it come at...
1:00 - when Pat starts talking about martial artists inhaling "demon spirits." He then wards off the audience from having anything to do with that type of stuff.
This is one of the craziest things he's ever said, but with it he's accomplished something awesome and therefore finally contributed something positive to this world: giving us the idea that Chuck Norris' awesomeness is powered by DEMONS. Freaking DEMONS! hell yeah! (See what we did there? hell reference? No? Moving on... )
Pat Robertson Predicts TerroristsEvery year Pat Robertson talks to God and God tells him what to expect for the upcoming year.
In 2007, God told him about some terrorist attacks that would happen at the end of the year killing possibly millions of people. MILLIONS. Move over Roland Emmerich, Robertson's got opinions to shoot at America with a THOUGHT-CANNON!
Mr. Robertson padded his prediction by adding that maybe if the people prayed hard enough, the attacks won't happen. I guess in 2007 people prayed hard enough. Not so much in 2001. Clever, Mr. Robertson, real clever.
Watch from 00:20 on.
The Dangers of Yoga0:48 Connecting yoga to Hinduism and pantheism, Mr. Robertson is convinced that "it gets really spooky". In actuality, the only thing spooky about yoga is if we ever saw Mr. Robertson in a downward dog position. *Shudder*
Pat Robertson on Gay Marriage/BeastialityThe first minute of this video gives you what Pat Robertson really said, but watch the video from 1:03 to the end get the full Pat Robertson visual and soundtrack. Embrace your hatred...
Mr. Robertson thinks he can define gay marriage on his own terms. Everything that comes out of his mouth is much like what's in his head, unicorns and leprechauns.
He relates gay marriage to polygamy, beastiality, child molestation and pedophilia.
The only plus side of his verbal spillage is that it makes it easier for us to throw out all his ideas on those topics at one time.
Pat Robertson Figures Out How To Deal w/ Your Gay SonWatch 0:20-1:49 for Pat Robertson's advice on how to cure your gay son.
First of all, the person that calls in refers to their son as "their neighbor". Well, Pat Robertson takes this very well and starts off by correcting the question, saying "he's not your neighbor, he's your son" (0:35). And that's about all the love you're going to get from Pat if you're gay.
From there, he outs all homosexuals as "victims of sexual abuse". Of course, something or someONE has to have MADE them that way, right? Because homosexuality is TOTALLY an STD.
Pat Robertson's head: "Don't sneeze on me! No! No!...Awww, now I'm gay!"
Then he proceeds to call gays an "abomination before God", in a very matter-of-fact way, as he does.
Pat Robertson on Hurricane KatrinaIn another superman-like leap of logic, Pat Robertson links Hurricane Katrina to supporting abortion or "the wholesale slaughter of innocent children."
Whatchu talkin' bout, Robertson? Furthermore, according to our favorite Troll-doll-lookalike, anyone who supports abortion will be "vomited out of the earth" and "be unable to defend themselves."
Is there an unknown clinic harvesting millions of unborn babies for use in Satanic rituals somewhere in Louisiana? If you're listening out there, Pat Robertson says it's your fault! Thanks a lot, guys.
September 11th0:29 - On September 11th, 2001 a terrible tragedy struck our country and we all know who was to blame: the ACLU, abortionists, feminists, homosexuals and jews. Wait, what?
1:15 - The best part of the video, however, is when Pat Robertson (who for once is upstaged by someone just as matter-of-fact-insane as he is) says (bewildered) "Well I -- I totally concur."
If fundamentalism was a comic book, these guys would be Batman and Robin.