The Jugum Penis
It was once believed that masturbation was not only unhealthy, but that nocturnal emissions are a disease (they even had a name for the disease -- "Spermatorrhoea."
Men in the Victorian era really were caught in a ruthless circle. You're looking at it on the left, over there.
The Jugum Penis was intended to cure "spermatorrhoea", a Victorian-era name for nocturnal emissions. The device was fashioned out of a metal ring, which would fit at the base of the penis and was attached with a clip, which already explains why you never see any paintings of dudes from the Victorian Era with a smile.
Essentially how it worked was you were fine unless you got at ALL aroused (or unless you were a shower).
The Jugum Penis was barbaric, as it was quite literally a bear trap for erections, which meant, unfortunately, that men in those times had to choose between white stains on their bedsheets in the morning and red ones.
The Mechanical Sheath
In 1906, a man named Raphael Sohn invented what was essentially a chastity belt for dudes.
The way it works is that you're supposed to position it over your penis. It fits so snug, that it is then impossible to move off of your penis without "great physical pain and possible mutilation." And if you were to even TRY to remove it and miraculously (bloodily) succeed, it can't be replaced without the tiny, tiny key.So basically, if you put this on and want it off, you'll either have to ruin your penis or NEVER lose a tiny, tiny, unique and life-changing key. Here's betting five bucks that douchebag guys in the early 20th century would take turns slapping people's keys out of their hands and into gutter then running away: the ultimate prank. *Shiver*
The Stephenson Spermatic Truss
One must wonder how many trials the Spermatic Truss (patented in 1876) went through before it achieved success -- success in this case being enclosing an entire package in a pouch and in the process, stretching it to fit against a man's leg and then binding it between the legs, making any natural attempt at becoming aroused or performing the splits, as most Victorian men did, impossible.
Stephenson continuously tinkered with his invention and some 20 years later had the common sense to free the male member to its natural, just hanging out, state. However, at even the slightest chance of getting excited, the member would have to deal with the spikes now lined on the pouch if any stiffening occurred, making this yet another Penis Iron Maiden (a metal band that somehow still does not exist.)
Wait...so it was always extremely uncomfortable on the crotch area and getting an erection was incredibly painful? Come to think of it, this one's still around today. It's called jeans.Here's a side view of this obscenely horrific device, just to give you some more perspective .
In 1837, a health food nut preached sermons about the dangers of masturbation and soon invented a cracker to help ward off those dangers. If you ate your cracker in the morning, the blandness of the cracker was supposed to lower your lust all day so that you would not have "vital fluid" expending urges.
That man’s name was Sylvester Graham and his cracker, the Graham cracker , is an anti-masturbation practice many of us still use today.Disregarding the ridiculous notion that a cracker could impact sexual drive, I only have one question: if it works so well, how does everyone get laid on camping trips?