Top 10 Most Ridiculous iPhone Apps By logan_hasson

Apple's iPhone is most certainly an awesome, wet-dream-inducer of a super gadget. And for a fanboy such as myself, it is difficult to see it as anything other than a gift from the gods. But, I can't help but notice that the App store is incredibly over-inflated. Sure, there are a gazillion useful, well designed, and functional applications to be had for free or cheap, but there is also a huge pool of terribly useless and ridiculous wastes of space. If I could, I would list them all here, but instead I have chosen my top ten.

These ten apps are so incredibly past the "this is stupid" line, that it is almost embarrassing. Most of these, even more mindbogglingly, are the most popular apps in the whole catalog. I'll admit that some of this is open to interpretation. But really, if you see this list and then have an intense desire to go download one of these apps, something is seriously wrong. Seriously wrong.

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Coin Flip DIY

When is the last time you had to make a decision between Pizza Hut and Taco Bell? How about yellow socks or purple socks? Wish you could make those decisions more easily? A simple coin flip too pedestrian? Good thing there is Coin Flip DIY! Oh yes, so plain ole' quarters for you if you have Coin Flip DIY on your iPhone. You can customize coins with pictures. Now *that* is fancy.

My question is this. Why would you need coins with pictures of your choices on them? Are you going to routinely be deciding between Burger King and something fancier, like Outback? Or, alternatively, do you forget what you are choosing between while the coin is in the air?

Well, at least this app is free. I guess that is a plus.

+ 0 BUY @ amazon
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Airport Sounds

I really don't know what to say about this one. Why would you want to hear airport sounds? What are airport sounds anyway? But, I could forgive this app and write it off as quirky or something if it weren't for the description:

"This app contains a set of various sounds which are sure to entertain you. They are playable within the app itself and are NOT ringtones. Play them with friends and family anywhere. Play them at the dinner table or at a park. You are sure to get smiles every time."

Yeah, I just gotta have this.

+ 0 BUY @ amazon
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Cry Translator

This app, I have to say, makes me angry (but that laughable kind of angry). It supposedly does just what it says: translates cries. Who's it for? For terrible parents I guess. Supposedly, you hold your phone up to your baby when he/she is crying, and the app tells you why: hungry, tired, wants a toy, needs a new diaper, or wants a pacifier. Oh, and then it gives "suggestions" as to what you are supposed to do in each case.

This is really really wrong. First of all, what parent needs their baby's cries translated? If they do, well, they failed the parenting test and should probably give their kid up for adoption. Also, this thing is apparently accurate "according to clinical trials" but I really think that is a load of c**p. Who knows, maybe it works, but I have a feeling this is a waste of your c**ppy-parenting dollars.

I am sorry, this is embarrassing.

+ 1 BUY @ amazon
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Alarm Clock Free

Umm. Really? I was under the impression that the iPhone already had a clock and alarm function on it. (Hint: it does.) While I guess this is a cool idea in that it keeps a big clock on all night so that you can see it easily (after all, it is waaaaaay to much to ask to press the frickin' home button just to see what time it is), it is beyond impractical. Last time I checked, the iPhone docks in a vertical position, right? Well, this clock works in landscape mode. Cool!

How you get your iPhone to stand up by itself on its side all night is beyond me. But hey! You got a free alarm clock that is green!

+ 2 BUY @ amazon
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Twilight: The Move Game FREE

I don't think this deserves even a comment. Really, come on. It's like a freaking Twilight quiz game. Dear god.

+ 2 BUY @ amazon
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Waterslide Extreme

This game sounds exciting! You get to navigate down an exciting series of waterslides!

I mean, come on, were they that hard up for racing game ideas? When is the last time you had to "navigate" down a waterslide? I am pretty sure they a self-working. I guess I could be wrong though. It has been several years since my last visit to a water park. Maybe I am just a bit clueless.

+ 2 BUY @ amazon
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Beautiful Boobs

Not all that different to Pocket Girlfriend, this app seems to be just a collection of pictures. (I guess Pocket Girlfriend has a leg up on this one though—no pun intended at all—in that it talks!) But what makes this app really lame and sad is the comments in iTunes. People complain and complain about the general crappiness of the app. What causes that crappiness though? Why, no nudity of course! What a piece of s**t!

+ 1 BUY @ amazon
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Flashlight.

We have all used our cell pones as flashlights. But a dedicated application for this? Come on. Making the screen all white doesn't really help that much, and it is just silly to waste your time programming something like this. Seriously, what self-respecting programmer would feel proud of an app called "Flashlight."? And, that brings up another question...what is up with the "." at the end of the title? Must be a really original application if you have to add a period just to make the name different from an earlier application with the same function.

But wait! This flashlight app does different colors! Noooo waaaay!

+ 0 BUY @ amazon
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Pocket Girlfriend

Ok. I'll just go ahead and say it: I am a nerd. Therefore, I am all for making the lives of geeks and nerds all over the world easier. But, seriously, this is going too far. I've never actually used or downloaded this application, but here is the basic gist of what it is:

When you open up "Pocket Girlfriend" you are presented with a picture of a girl in very little clothing...so I guess not so bad so far. (I believe you can choose who your "girlfriend" will be from among several scantily-clad ladies.) But, here is where it gets dumb. You have three options at this point: zoom, ask, and talk. With "zoom" you get to zoom in on various body parts. Yay! (That was sarcasm, just in case it blew by you.) With "ask" you can type in a question, and apparently your new gf will answer in an oh-so-very-cute kind of way. And, of course, there is "talk" which will have your virtual buddy talk all sexy-like to you.

Sound awesome? It better not.

+ 1 BUY @ amazon
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Camera Flash

I think this is a good idea. The lack of flash on an iPhone is beyond lame. But the description of this app is laughable. Here, for your reading pleasure, the top three reasons to buy Camera Flash over other similar applications according to the listing on iTunes:

" 1. We are the FIRST one in app store to provide Flash app, any other app makers just purely copy our idea and our app design, and even use similar names.

2. Most users choose to buy our app, but not other flash apps. Our user number is the biggest in the app store among all of the flash apps. Our user number is at least 10 times than any other flash app.

3. The overall ranking of Camera Flash in app store #11 in July and August, no any other flash app can achieve this ranking, or even close. "

Hmm. So, the reason to buy is because others copy them, more people buy, and they have a higher "user number". Nothing about it being better.

(Oh, and PS, these apps are c**p any way. They all work by just lightening the pictures. You lose soooooo much contrast from the already c**ppy looking iPhone pictures.)

+ 0 BUY @ amazon