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Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks
I carefully considered the title of this article, but couldn’t come up with anything more succinct or unambiguous as the one I chose. Kinect, quite simply, sucks.
The most recent statement from Microsoft outlines exactly how hard it sucks. Kinect is like a stuck up princess that won’t let you so much as hold her hand without first being admired, flattered, fed, bought presents and worshipped as a goddess as she rubs caviar and buttered lobster in your hair while you polish her boots.
Here are the ten things Kinect NEEDS YOU TO DO before it will consider working:
The most recent statement from Microsoft outlines exactly how hard it sucks. Kinect is like a stuck up princess that won’t let you so much as hold her hand without first being admired, flattered, fed, bought presents and worshipped as a goddess as she rubs caviar and buttered lobster in your hair while you polish her boots.
Here are the ten things Kinect NEEDS YOU TO DO before it will consider working:
- 6
Get saving
You don’t get Kinect for free you know, bringing you the f*ture today costs money. Its gonna cost $150 or £130 (Kinect cares not for fair exchange rates). Then you have to buy the games. Don’t worry, they cater to the hardcore gamers as much as the casuals. Check out those pics!BUY @ amazon - 7
Change your wardrobe
You’ll have to wear clothes that Kinect can pick out from the background. Once again, Kinect gives you fun but makes you a better person too. Its Queer Eye insists you dress brightly, no more black t-shirts and dark gaming rooms for you tubby, time to fashionize!BUY @ amazon
*Note, apparently this is no longer an issue, so you don't need to buy new clothes. Just as well, you won't have any money left after all those great launch titles!* - 8
Uh-oh, are you even Kinect ready?
The newest Xbox’s describe themselves as Kinect ready. What does this mean? Simply that they don’t require an additional power supply for Kinect. What if you’re not Kinect ready? Well its back to the power block of doom for you!BUY @ amazon - 9
Tidy your room
Kinect despises mess! Clean up your floor or Kinect will be unable to find the ground level and the game won’t work. Kinect: the Mary Poppins of consoles. Only less British, and more demanding.BUY @ amazon - 10
In case you think I’m biased….
There is no doubt that standing up in a barn with a stadium lighting system, wearing a neon tracksuit and playing your Kinect on your new TV and speakers without your friends is awesome. What could be more awesome though? Perhaps waving glowing neon sex toys to play a game almost indistinguishable from Wii sports.BUY @ amazon
"Put that back in mommies dresser where you found it or we'll send you back to the orphanage!"
One final tip: Microsoft has said that you want to put as much distance between you and the Kinect sensor as possible. I suggest serious gamers do just that.
More of my lists:
See more lists like this at calmdowntom.com
Top 10 underwhelming videogame bosses
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Top 5 unintentionally funny game moments
Top 10 worst game levels
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Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/04/2012 9:30 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/18/2012 10:30 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 10/03/2012 1:30 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 7/31/2012 5:30 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 7/13/2012 12:30 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 6/10/2012 6:30 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 5/30/2012 12:49 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 5/27/2012 5:13 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 5/26/2012 3:01 PM
That was a fantastic line.
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 5/23/2012 6:03 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 5/23/2012 6:02 AM
F**k you bastard.
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 5/13/2012 6:57 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 5/13/2012 6:56 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 4/27/2012 7:43 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 3/19/2012 10:05 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 3/14/2012 1:03 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 3/13/2012 3:16 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 3/08/2012 6:17 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 2/26/2012 12:30 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 2/20/2012 10:08 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 2/16/2012 11:14 AM
For those of you that say it's not innovative, go suck a chode.
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 2/08/2012 10:07 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 2/08/2012 10:05 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 2/08/2012 7:28 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 2/05/2012 12:45 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/31/2012 7:47 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/30/2012 12:14 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/26/2012 2:22 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/25/2012 1:56 PM
Dumbass.
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/25/2012 7:28 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/25/2012 3:45 AM
Why do people even bother? The internet is full of enough retards!
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/21/2012 1:48 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/21/2012 1:43 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/17/2012 12:00 PM
From person in England.
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/11/2012 1:21 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/30/2011 9:41 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/29/2011 10:49 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/25/2011 9:34 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/21/2011 5:25 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/19/2011 9:33 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/06/2011 1:14 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/23/2011 2:23 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/20/2011 2:17 AM
In case you think I’m biased…. at 11/18/2011 2:14 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2011 8:48 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2011 2:23 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/05/2011 11:02 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/04/2011 6:58 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/02/2011 7:07 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/01/2011 11:30 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 10/31/2011 8:56 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 10/25/2011 11:46 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 10/21/2011 2:58 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 9/27/2011 3:21 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 9/10/2011 1:05 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 7/17/2011 2:08 PM
1. I live in a small room and the kinect allows me to play, of course i can't be right next to the TV why the hell would i be?
2.Buy new lights huh? lol i dont even have my lights on and the sun alone is enough for my kinect to recognize me
3.wtf? If you want to sit down and play then dont buy the kinect, obviously i aint going to play Dance Central standing up.
4.Wait what? Lol, the kinect can be placed anywhere as long as it's 2 feet above the ground, honestly i just put my kinect on the floor right now and it works....
5.Obviously you need space to move around, common sense...
6.Get real this technology cost money to make and it wont be made without a profit and this isn't simply a camera...
7. Never had this problem but im sure all your clothes match your rooms color lmao...
8.This is the only thing i can agree with, the kinect should bring the extension to be used with older xbox's
9. Even if the kinect can track you with your mess on the floor why the hell would i leave a mess on my play space?
10.It's common sense that your not gonna play Gears 2 with the kinect
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 10/12/2011 6:02 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 9/23/2011 3:09 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 7/07/2011 9:36 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 7/07/2011 9:41 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 9/03/2011 11:50 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 8/16/2011 11:34 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 7/07/2011 12:07 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 7/04/2011 1:27 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 8/21/2011 5:49 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 6/18/2011 3:25 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 5/01/2011 10:58 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 5/01/2011 6:30 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 7/14/2011 1:37 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/02/2012 1:02 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 3/03/2011 9:49 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 2/07/2011 3:58 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/02/2011 10:50 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/15/2010 4:25 AM
I adore people that think they are part of a movement (macs, PS, Xbox, PC, Wii) instead of just realizing that they are nothing but money slaves to said company.
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/11/2010 6:44 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/08/2010 8:36 AM
Get saving at 12/05/2010 3:02 PM
you truly ARE an idiot like you signed
Kinect = 2 Players = $150
Move = 1-4 Players = 1 PS Move $40 = 2 Players 80$
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/04/2010 5:31 PM
And "Xbox Rocks!," you need to think about life outside of games.
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/04/2010 1:18 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 6/30/2011 6:09 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 3/07/2011 8:36 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/04/2010 1:17 PM
Kinect is AMAZING! I mean, I haven't bought it, or even played it, but if it's Microsoft brand you know it's great. Sure they brought us the Red Ring of Death, but as the XBox Bible says, that is just a test to weed out the disloyal amongst us. I love the idea of exercising while playing video games. Why would I want to get into REAL shape and buy a gym membership, when I can spend more money on a horrible system? This is a brand new concept. The Wii and Move are completely different. Sure, the Wii came out sooner, and the Move comes with everything the Kinect has, plus more, but neither of those have Halo. And as we all know, that is the ONLY game that is any fun. You would think it would get old after the first four came out, but nope! I'll still buy them forever! I 3 Bill Gates!
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/04/2010 11:51 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/26/2010 2:33 PM
Move B***h
Get Out the Wii Get out the Wii
Buy new lights at 11/26/2010 4:46 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/23/2010 11:20 PM
If you want motion gaming for 4 people, get a Wii or Move. Otherwise, get a large hangar, neon jumpsuits, a black curtain to stand in front of, new directional speakers, and waste the money on the Kinect.
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/22/2010 2:52 PM
Kinect sold 1 million units in 10 days…. It shopws ps3 gamers dont have money, all those kids want new games all the time, and ask mommy for them, but now it shows, even paretns dont want to invest in s**tty toys anymore
We should have kinect on ps3… ah well…ill just go back to playing ma lil big planet again
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/22/2010 9:52 AM
Getting 4 move controller packs is more expansive then kinect
You need just as much space to play like Kinect.
Kinect uses your whole body, comparing it with a eye toy is just hilarious, the Live vision camera is exactly like a Eye toy, and both are DEAD. Kinect is very much alive!
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/22/2010 9:20 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/22/2010 9:56 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/21/2010 10:40 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/19/2010 4:27 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/18/2010 6:42 PM
The best way to burn callories to me. And time goes just as fast as sitting on a couch.
You really dont need to have that much light in your room by the way, i dont think my room is very well lit, but it works fine, and sitting in a dark room is bad for your skin anyway and hurts your eyes giving you headaches faster.
And i can see how they will implement motions in games like the new Ghost recon, where you just sit on the couch and silently move your team forward by waving a hand in the air , or just yelling commands without the always annoying headsets.
The possibilities are endless and i can see how the biggest game developers will make use out of it, but they also need to think of people that do not have kinect.
I had to go to 5 shops before i found one that didnt sell out on Kinect, and on ebay the prices are getting higher already, claiming theyr the last few in stock, and very limited, I seen em bid 175 euros on it already , while i bought mine in the shop for 140
To me, kinect doesnt suck at all , ITS AWESOME! Just inform yourself on your local shops return policy, so u can buy kinect and take it back if you dont like it, its worth a try, youll love it.
They should also sell them without the Adventures game, so people can choose to buy a seperate game like Kinect Sports, which should have been the game in the package.
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/18/2010 6:25 PM
First, Turn on the Game Mode on your Tv It will improve reaction time, we were experiencing some lag in sonic and joyride, but the game mode really makes a difference (on our 40 inch sony bravia 40w5500)
Kinect sports is awesome! I still have muscles aching in my arm and shoulders from playing Boxing, i never gave a damn about football, but in this game i actually love it! The whole atmosphere of the game is very good as well. And the playability is excellent. We are loving it people !
Kinect adventures is fun, we enjoy the Squash type of game, hitting the balls back and kicking them, its just fun people! The waterslide is a bit getting used to though, but its definetly not a bad game.
Kinect Joyride is a fun racer, when you get the hang of it, i dont see how a site like 360achievements can rate it a 3 out of 10 though, i guess it depends on the players state of mind. But we enjoy this stuff
Sonic is hard at first but the sound and things happening keep it interesting.
You just have to... how do would they say it in english... row with the paddles that you got.
Kinect works great and we really love Kinect sports, its just worth getting it only for that game already.
You will need enough space in your room here its about 3 meter long by 2 meter wide, and it works fine for 1 player, we havent even really tried multiplayer yet cause we antic**ated its just a bit to tight.
anyway, those saying kinect sucks without even trying it, should check it out cause your really missing out.
I bought it with the thought that if it sucks, ill sell it again, but i aint selling it now i tried it, i just needed to get it to see how it was, even when i read most game reviews were c**p. In reality, game reviews are c**p, cause they often give people wrong impressions
Kinect is a WINNER! cant wait to see what the f*ture will bring, id say Bring it on!!
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 5/16/2011 9:11 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/12/2010 7:27 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/21/2010 11:43 PM
and the people pointing out the flaws are way too oblivious to notice that it's all in good fun.
either that or they seem to think that this is some serious business going on here.
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/13/2010 8:10 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/11/2010 9:50 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/12/2010 5:28 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/27/2010 6:34 PM
Change your wardrobe at 11/10/2010 10:36 PM
Get saving at 11/10/2010 10:34 PM
Move everyone out of the way at 11/10/2010 10:33 PM
Move your speakers/buy a new telly at 11/10/2010 10:31 PM
Buy new lights at 11/10/2010 10:27 PM
Buy a bigger house at 11/10/2010 10:26 PM
In case you think I’m biased…. at 11/10/2010 10:12 PM
Also the lighting conditions are not that bad... I played as dusk with just my blinds drawn open, no you can't play in pitch dark...but then again this is a social experience is it not. Perhaps its not aimed at hardcore gamers and thats why you are upset? Microsoft is merely trying to penetrate a market that they have previously failed in, casual gaming.
Anyway, your list really sucks and you are biased, as am I...but then again, I'm not the one writing articles....
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 10:03 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 9:49 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/13/2010 2:04 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/11/2010 3:57 AM
In case you think I’m biased…. at 11/10/2010 8:21 PM
Buy a bigger house at 11/10/2010 6:55 PM
Buy new lights at 11/10/2010 6:51 PM
Don’t slouch at 11/10/2010 6:46 PM
Move your speakers/buy a new telly at 11/10/2010 6:43 PM
Move everyone out of the way at 11/10/2010 6:41 PM
Change your wardrobe at 11/10/2010 6:35 PM
Get saving at 11/10/2010 6:33 PM
Tidy your room at 11/10/2010 6:22 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 5:22 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 1/02/2012 12:58 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 1:48 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 12:57 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 12:04 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 11:13 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 10:42 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 11:22 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/27/2010 6:32 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/28/2010 5:17 AM
Keep up the good work on the site, the only thing more fun than writing for it is reading it!
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 10:42 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 10:42 AM
In case you think I’m biased…. at 11/10/2010 10:38 AM
Thanks for the feedback though.
Move your speakers/buy a new telly at 11/10/2010 10:36 AM
Don’t slouch at 11/10/2010 10:35 AM
I could only go with the facts available at the time. Thanks for the feedback though.
Don’t slouch at 11/10/2010 10:12 AM
And please if you're going to bash on something, please have all the facts next time before writing the article.
www.computerandvideogames.com/article.php?id=270084
Move your speakers/buy a new telly at 11/10/2010 10:06 AM
In case you think I’m biased…. at 11/10/2010 9:57 AM
Why not say it in simple terms?
Kinetic doesn't work well in low lighting conditions. I tested the unit in "x" lighting (typical of an average household) and it did/didn't work.
AC
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 9:40 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 11:31 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 10:16 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 7/17/2011 11:55 PM
Summer is coming!
I find these sport shoes,cool sunglasses,
Pop**ar & Classic, Sexy Shaping & Comfort.
they're perfect for this summer.
what do you think: would you take them ?
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 9:33 AM
www.k2incense.com
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 9:27 AM
www.online-privacy.edu.tc
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/08/2010 11:49 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 10:15 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/07/2010 9:34 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/07/2010 3:52 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/07/2010 3:35 PM
It's just a shame that a load of Gay - Box 360 fangirl cheerleaders have come here to spam the comments section because they don't like the truth. If any of you retards actually though Kinect was a good product then you would be playing it now instead of writing fanboy nonsense on the Internet!
Kinect is a broken product that, quite simply, sucks. All of you know this deep down inside but your blind fangirl allegiance to Microsoft stops you from being able to admit it. Why don't you get your head out of Bill Gates ass and look at things from a normal perspective for a change? Morons........
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 1:57 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 12/01/2010 7:30 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/07/2010 3:17 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 11:32 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 10:11 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/07/2010 3:15 PM
Sure, facial recognition requires light, but that hardly breaks the system now, does it?
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/07/2010 3:09 PM
Change your wardrobe at 11/07/2010 2:48 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/05/2010 9:12 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/07/2010 2:50 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/10/2010 10:13 AM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 11/17/2010 9:27 PM
Top 10 reasons Kinect sucks at 2/28/2011 8:40 AM