Top 10 Reasons to Work in Pornography By Ian Tindell [18 more lists]

In these hard economic times, many of us are out there looking for work, but where should one even start? Did you cut your teeth in the auto trade? Ha! Good luck. Is your basic training in real estate? Whoa there, try again! Are you a college graduate tired of flipping burgers at McDonald's? Do you ever think, there's just so much more to life, like being penetrated by two penises? If you answered yes to any of these questions then maybe you should take a look at a career in the exciting world of pornographic films!

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The Money Shot

If you're a female star, then you can easily make 100K - 250K per year! For you males out there, however, salaries tend to average closer to 40K per year, which isn't bad in this economy. Also, consider the work. You're having sex with hot girls.

Still worried about the pay grade? Don't worry gentlemen, the world of p**n does have its advancement opportunities and if you're willing to go gay, then you could be looking at a pay increase. Hint, hint.

For the females, that difference between 100K and 250K breaks down to just how ambitious you are. If you're a run of the mill blowjob giver, then expect a run of the mill $200 to $400. However, if you're a REAL go-getter, then give double anal a try for a whopping $2,000 per scene! Sign me up!

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Your Job Will MEAN something

Are you worried that not every second of your life counts? That you're not taking advantage of each moment the Lord has given you? Well, in the world of p*********y, each second takes on a whole new meaning.

Every second...

$3,075.64 is being spent on p*********y

28,258 Internet users are viewing p*********y

372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines

Kinda makes you wonder how the people around you are spending their seconds, doesn't it? If you were in p**n, the industry would be more widely appreciated than pretty much anything else you can possibly do.

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Your Co-Pilot Actually Measures Up

Now, you might be worried that your little soldier might not be big enough for the task. On average, though, the man shafts you see on screen are at about the same average as they are in real life (6.3 inches), so you have nothing to worry about! Everything's all smoke and mirrors when photographed anyway.

But do you ever wonder whose one eyed monster was the biggest? Well, legend has it that John Holmes had the biggest albino cave dweller on the silver screen. Reports tend to vary on the size of Mr. Holmes digitus maximus, but his manager was quoted as saying the length was 12 5/8 inches. Even if this estimate is true, it would still not be the biggest throbbing pink Jesus on record. The record for that belongs to an anonymous gentleman from a sex study whose fandangled mandangler stands at 13.5 inches long and 6.25 inches around! Lord Almighty!...Penis.

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It Can Kick Start Your Acting Career

So what if you're already an actor in Hollywood but are having a hard time of getting your career off the ground? Starring in a p**n is a fantastic way to start anyone's stalled career! Sylvester Stallone did this when he made his first film called "Party At Kitty and Stud's" (later retitled "The Italian Stallion"), a low budget skin flick for which he earned a whopping $200. And look where it got him!

Also, Sasha Grey, of This Ain't Star Trek XXX fame, has really made herself into quite the business woman. She's also recently starred in a Stephen Soderbergh movie! A starring role in an award-winning director's film? Who says the p**n industry is a black hole? (heh)

Warning: Results may vary.

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5

Career Goals to Shoot For

Now, an important thing in any industry is to have goals. While Sylvester Stallone just did one p**n and lost his stamina (or regained his self-respect) the same cannot be said for this man: Ron Jeremy.

This grotesque little "if Super Mario really existed and was a rapist"-looking man, famously nicknamed, "The Hedgehog" holds the Guinness world record for "Most Appearances in Adult Films."

That total? A staggering 1,750...and counting. So much for Brett Favre's iron man starting streak. Ron Jeremy...now there's a REAL iron man. At least you know that when you get started, you'll have some catching up to do; and who doesn't like a job with a challenge?

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It Is A Recession Proof Job

In America everything is bigger right? Well, why not participate in one of America's more booming businesses? With our domestic p*********y grossing 13 billion dollars across all media anually, the total finds itself above the gross of ABC, CBS, and NBC combined....can you say Recession-Proof job?

But if you're looking to participate in the biggest p**n business out there, h**l, the amount our citizens spend on p**n is only fourth in the entire world. What country is number one you ask? Well, that would be China at 27.4 billion dollars. I'll help you get your passports ready.

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High Pay Right Away

Alright, starring in a p**n may not be for you, but how about some behind the scenes investing? If you work in the industry long enough you learn a few things. One of these things is how to produce/write scripts. Why write a p**n script? Why film, produce or direct a p**n? The delta between production costs and profits on p**n is HUGE. Good huge. Not scary huge.

You think that Avatar is mopping it up at the box office right now? What is it at? $350 million domestically? HA! Child's play. According to the documentary "Inside Deep Throat" a little p**n from the '70s called, you guessed it, "Deep Throat" has earned an astronomical $600 million dollars. And it only cost $48,000 to make. If those numbers are true then the biggest money maker in the history of ALL entertainment (movies, books, video games, music, you name it) would be a p**n film. Now that's money well spent.

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Something to Tell Your Loved Ones

Getting pretty interested so far, but worried about how you're going to explain to your parents and children that you're suddenly in the sex trade? Have no fear! You can put a spin on it without even lying!

According to noted Time writer Richard Corliss, "Mona: The Virgin Nymph" (1970) is “the first known feature-length film that integrated explicit sex into a fictional plot.” Before this time, most pornographic films were no more than 10 to 20 minutes.

See! P**n DOES have more than just sex, there's an entire plot there. It might not always be easy to spot, but it's there. So you can just rationalize the whole thing away by declaring that you're a storyteller first and foremost. And they'll have to believe you because it's TRUE.

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There IS Respectable Porn

Finally, when you enter the weird, wild world of p**n, you don't have to worry about doing just silly, low budget stuff all the time. Most professional p**n now-a-days cost $25,000 to make. Last year, however, p**n saw its "Titanic" when "Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge" was made for the sizeable sum of $8 million. Oh, the tides are a turning.

Warning: None of that $8 million went towards acting lessons.

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STD FREE!

So p**n is probably starting to sound pretty appealing right now, isn't it? Well, before you embark on your new career let's keep the following in mind:

Between January 2003 and March 2005, approximately 976 performers were reported with 1,153 positive STD test results. Of the 1,153 positive test results, 722 (62.6 %) were chlamydia, 355 (30.8%) were gonorrhea, and 126 (10.9%) were co-infections with chlamydia and gonorrhea.

"But this isn't a plus, I thought this list was about pluses!"

Here's the plus: those diseases are CURABLE. There are over 50,000 working men and women in p**nography. If you do the math, that means a fewer percentage of p**n stars have incurable and curable STD's than the general public, relatively speaking.

So, statistically, you'd be better off banging a p**n star than a girl or guy you met at a bar.

Male P**n Star and aficionado Evan Stone says he is checked before every single scene he does and never has sex with any "civilian" before he personally goes with her to get a full STD screening. Seems kind of crazy, but when your package is your bread and butter (I'll ALSO pretend I didn't write that last sentence), you don't take any chances.

And that, my friends, is safer than anyone you have ever slept with.

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