- 1vNintendo princesses in general wouldn't make the best mothers (and would actually make the worst mothers out of any video game character) as it's hard to be a good mom when you're constantly being kidnapped. Princess Toadstool (later renamed Princess Peach), though, really takes the cake.
Absentee parents are bad enough, but to have a kid when you know most of the time you're going to be the prisoner of a giant lizard turtle dragon thing? That's just irresponsible.
Whenever the kids got home from school they would just find a babysitter named Toad, telling them that their mom won't be cooking dinner or helping with homework tonight because she's "in another castle".
Moreso, the fact that they can't seem to take care of themselves, make Nintendo Princesses the worst candidates for potential moms, so this mother's day, be glad that your mom isn't getting constantly kidnapped by lizard people who use mushrooms.
VIDEO: A heartfelt song about how the dangerous situation and the Princess's absence affects poor, lonely Toad. What if she had put her own CHILD through this?
A Witch (From Left 4 Dead)vEmotional instability isn't something that makes a mother fit for protecting, teaching or even care-giving.
Firstly, the way she is dressed is NO way to set an example for a young man or woman.
The amount of time a Witch spends crying means that she is not ready for the type of love, affection and committment that go along with becoming a new mother.
The child would always be in want of a real maternal figure, someone he/she could depend on, but would never get it since a Witch is always crying. Given that she is undead, she wouldn't even be able to soften the blow of neglect with anti-depressants, as they would not work on her.
On top of all of this, whenever the child would be in desperate need of a hug, he would come near her for consolation only to be violently attacked.
There is no excuse for child abuse, even if you're a zombie.
BONUS: This is one of the most badass videos we have ever seen involving Witches.
- 3vDid you know that bipolar disorder and certain depressions are hereditary and can be passed on by mothers only? It's true.
So when you see a purple hedgehog running around zippy and quippy one day and then ready to open a vein the next, you met Sonic the Hedgehog and Amy Rose's kid.
Amy Rose has some obsessive behaviors. Even in the video game, her compulsion to violate restraining orders and follow Sonic around get her into trouble on a constant basis. Straight out of a suspense thriller, we wouldn't put it past Amy Rose to try to trap Sonic physically, and violently, when her attempts to keep him with a fake pregnancy fail.
What if YOU were her child? Amy Rose just had you to trap a blue hedgehog into loveless marriage.
Welcome to a truly crappy, complicated and death-metal-filled childhood.
Her love of ice cream and general A.D.D would also make for a poor health and poor learning environment for any child that enters her possession.
VIDEO: The weirdest thing we found of her on YouTube... well, the weirdest thing that we could put on this list that we found on YouTube *shiver*.
- 4In the revolutionary puzzle game Portal, the Artificial Intelligence that is trying to kill you throughout the game is voiced by a woman... a woman who uses negative emotional reinforcement as a mental attack.
Not only is GLADoS a homicidal A.I. psychopath, but it uses the worst imaginable method to guide you through the game and try and deter you from not doing what it doesn't want you to do: guilt tripping.
Watch this video for the perfect example of why having a mother like this would not only be irritating, but horrible for a potential healthy relationship. In this clip, GLADoS:
- Who NOT to date.
- Doesn't answer questions directly.
- Goes right to physical abuse without first considering all the options.
- Demeans your feelings and opinions.
- Uses sarcasm as a means of communication.
Worst. Mother. Ever.
- 5First of all, she is another cold, soulless artificial intelligence cog. What exactly is she the mother of? I didn't see any baby brains running around. She's just the leader of an evil pirate regime trying to destroy everything.
Also, given that Mother Brain is evil and is trying to reset the universe, she is an absolutist. So her children would inevitably be kicked out of the compound/lair as soon as they misbehaved. Mother Brain don't take no guff from no one, especially not other, tinier brains because, c'mon, they're actually smaller-brained.
To add to the equation, she's a Brain in a jar. Seriously, kids need physical affection in the form of hugs and diaper changing, what's she going to do, have her Metroids hug the kid and kill it in the process by draining his/her life force? Nobody should be raised by horrible, teeth-filled alien warrior pirates.
Plus, Mother Brain's glass jar isn't that protective, what if something happens to her?
Most importantly... would be the father?
- 7Fist of all, most people wouldn't raise a child near a freeway, let alone THE NETHER REALM.
With the ability to read thoughts, Mileena is an obvious choice for a would-be horrible mother, as she would never give her child what it truly needs: privacy. There are few things more important than giving a developing child a sense of independence so that they can learn everything they need to face the real world on their own. A mother with the ability to read minds is no way to achieve that. It would be if she were honorable, but as she's been described as "opportunistic", there is really no telling what lines she would cross with her powers.
Of course, she would be able to teach her children some pretty great fighting skills, but would not be able to give a simple kiss due to her grossly disfigured demon-mouth.
"Daaaad, Mom looks like a demon that's going to try and eat me!"
Can you imagine that being the last thing you see every night before you go to bed as mommy puts you to sleep? Granted the only character we can think of that would procreate with Mileena is Baraka, so you'd probably have that crazy freaking mouth that the both of them have anyway.
But still, she looks like she would eat her young anyway, and that's the first sign of a terrible mother.
- 8vOne word, ladies and gentlemen: MILF.
And that's not a good thing if you're a MILF's kid (I would know).
No child EVER wants to hear from their friends how hot their mother is. It's disturbing.
Lara Croft's constant regime of adventuring and working out would keep her in shape and toned well into her child's high school years. She would shed the baby weight faster than snake skin.
Usually, a father figure would dispel or block any MILFesque comments coming from the child's friends for fear that he would hear and kick them out of the house, so it COULD work... if it wasn't for the fact that Lara seems like she would be a single mom. There's nothing wrong with that, and she would actually be quite protective of her children, but the amount of time they would be in the face of danger set off child services alarms for all of us.
VIDEO: The hottest Lara Croft we've ever seen... that's not in the game. How would YOU like people talking about your mom like this?
- 9Originally appearing in computer/console edutainment games, Carmen Sandiego is the continental woman whose tastes for adventure are never pleased.
Seasoned liar, thief, traveller and overall criminal Carmen Sandiego would definitely not set an example for her hungry, neglected and lonely children.
The whole point of these games is to catch Carmen Sandiego, so you know she's eventually going to get caught. And who needs to grow up in a Foster home when their mother has been arrested, probably with a life sentence, due to interntaional thievery, evasion and general mystery.
Having parents that really open up to you is one of the greatest things about growing up -- getting to know the people who have shaped you into who you are as real people and not just authority figures... everything Carmen Sandiego would have to say would be spoken in riddles to which her children would have to guess the answers.
Sure, they would probably make great detectives later, but that is no way to raise a stable child.
- 10Any child of Rayne, from the BloodRayne series, would suffer the same fate as that of Lara Croft's would-be kids: their mom would be way too much of a MILF. It would affect their relationship and resentment would fester when her children would either be grossed out by their hot mom or overshadowed by her. Being the first video game character to ever appear naked in Playboy (pictured to the left -- censored... you can Google it, pervs), she definitely sets a new standard for how far video game women are willing to go in the general sense.
Now, she's half-vampire which means her kids would be a quarter vampire (if she ended up having the kid with a human). Having to stay out of the sun would mean the kid would have nobody to play with, so bringing the child into the world at all would make her a bad mother.
Sure, her main quests are family-oriented (read: revenge), but that is no way to establish a family atmosphere or a healthy view of what goes and what doesn't in the life of a normal, happy family.
Also, her kid would be in constant danger and would have to really get used to eating whatever the Kid's Cuisine equivalent of blood is, since their mom would always be out on revenge quests.