Dontcha Put it in Your Mouth
The short: Unless a grown up says it's okay, dont'cha put it in your mouth.
The Long: Giant blue puppets playing instruments cause children more terror than "learning. Especially that blue one with the bow that DOESN'T F**KING BLINK.
Oh yeah, and the title of the song is funny.
It Could Be Dead Wrong
Pee Wee Herman tells us not to do crack cocaine. Every time we use it, we risk dying. It might make you cool if you use it, but it'll kill you.
The zinger is the pun, "But doing it with crack isn't just wrong...it could be dead wrong." ZING! For little ones, this is pretty sure fire. A straight shot of one of our television personalities giving us the low down on crack. Awesome.
Crack = Not just wrong, but DEAD wrong, kids... meaning you will die. Get it? See what Pee Wee did there? Is that securely locked in there? Should we make another death pun? Cause we CAN! No? Good.
The First Hit's Free
Ever tried drugs? Drugs from a puppet? A puppet with crazy, terrifying eyes?!
0:19 Elvis, Jim Morrison, John Belushi, girls snorting coke, and I think a subliminal picture of an angel... I'm not sure if they're trying to persuade our kids out of doing drugs or if they're trying to make them 80's rock stars.
00:21 Skip to 21 seconds in for when the puppets decide it's not worth the time to do drugs... then... for no reason... the most terrifying eyes you will ever see on a puppet. Out of nowhere. This probably convinced kids out of watching TV alone in the dark more than it did out of drugs.
He Man Says No Touching
He-Man wants to talk to you about not letting people touch you "that way."
Which way is "that way"? And why don't I trust a man who is so muscled and large when he's trying to tell me something important? For an adult, this thing is so awkward it hurts. But trust me, any kid growing up with this show likely didn't understand the meaning of being touched in "that way", and hoped to God both He-Man and She-Ra would touch them. We always want our heroes to touch us.
What? What did I say?
VD Is For Everybody
This is a 70s PSA that lets kids (and adults-alike) know that venereal disease can be given to anybody and can come from anywhere: dancers, your local butcher, a librarian, babies...
I believe this commercial is David Lynch's influence for everything. EVERYTHING.
The Different Kinds of Strangers
Children can encounter very many different kinds of dangers in the world, and according to this video they should stay away from...
- Adults that need help.
- People that own cars or vans.
- Women who don't know how to install batteries into an old-school
Skip to 1:00 to see the different kinds of "traps" that strangers can set. They are absolutely wonderful... and one of the threats that a stranger gives a young boy is probably the funniest thing I've seen on the internet in about a year.
L The List