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Top 13 Most Shameless Public Masturbators By Robert Wabash [50 more lists]
From a woman caught using a sex toy and watching p**n while driving, to a man caught pleasuring himself on a park bench with his shirt off using an armless mannequin, here are the 13 most shameless people ever caught masturbating in public. Enjoy (in private)!
- 1
Woman Caught Using Sex Toy, Porn While Driving
Definitely a favorite among anyone who loves to either laugh or just read an article with their mouth wide open, is a woman named Colondra Hamilton of Ohio.
She was recently pulled over for having slightly darker-than-legally-tinted windows. When police pulled her over, she had a female sex toy on her lap, and then openly admitted to have been using it on herself (that's right) WHILE DRIVING. In addition to this, she also admitted to have been using it while watching a pornographic film on a laptop that was open in the passenger seat.
She was, of course, arrested, and when police found the vehicle, they found a broken crack pipe, which also belonged to Hamilton. She was charged not only for the impaired driving but also two counts of drug paraphernalia possession, due to both halves of the broken crack pipe, which even for that kind of charge and for what she was doing, seems a little excessive. One crack pipe should definitely be ONE charge.
Sometimes, life just isn't fair.
Click here for the full article chock full of WTF -
- 2
Pastor Caught Masturbating In Boys Underwear Aisle of a Dollar Store
In early 2009, Pastor Millard Clifton Tolbert, once again, don't forget that name, Pastor MILLARD CLIFTON TOLBERT, 58, was caught on video masturbating in the boys and men’s underwear aisle of a Dollar Store in Appalachia.
Once again, the BOYS underwear aisle of a DOLLAR store.
The pastor was worried he would go to jail when he was caught by terrified store managers and caught on video (video below) masturbating while looking around.
So it goes without saying that a pastor masturbating in a boy's underwear aisle at a DOLLAR store, to boy's underwear, raises a lot of concerns, like: where was he going to finish, why doesn't he have this thing we all like to call "internet access" and really? He REALLY couldn't have gone to a Target or something?
Click here for the full news report (video).
BONUS: Here's a report of a diagram drawn by the non-crazy, complete geniuses over at christwire.org of "How To Spot A Masturbator": Link .
Such great advice comes in the form of: "smell the mattress and say 'this smells like semen'" and "untucked t-shirt".
Here's a video titled "Mindblowing Christian Sex". Not surprisingly, it's about masturbation. - 3
Caught Masturbating in Police Holding Room During Arrest, After
"Bitch, you're going to suck my dick,” is what Cortez Moorman allegedly said to a 43-year-old woman after persuading her to get into his car (which is actually kind of an admirable feat, given how much cat calling goes on... I guess after a while it must just actually start working?...) She, of course, denied him this and it didn't sit well with this perfect stranger whose car she'd just gotten into, so he proceeded to force himself on her.
After he physically assaulted her by taking her clothes off, the woman escaped in her bra and panties and flagged down police before he could go all the way.
Police were able to catch Moorman. And this is where the story BEGINS:
Moorman was accused, then, of blocking the door with a chair, whipping out his penis and masturbating right in the interview room. Moorman had apparently gotten over-excited during his, you know, R**E ATTEMPT earlier in the evening.
Once the cops finally entered the room again, Moorman then continued to stroke himself under his clothes. After the interview ended, he went right back to it showing us all that cops in this town obviously need to restrain their rapists just a liiiiiiiittle better.
NOTABLE COMMENTS FROM THE NEWS ARTICLE ITSELF INCLUDE:
“You're not supposed to let the police see you cumming.”
“He just wanted to get a load off his chest.”
NOTABLE TAGS FROM THE ARTICLE INCLUDE:
The More You Know
NOTABLE CAPTION TO THE PICTURE OF MOORMAN, AKA UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR:
"Cortez Moorman doesn't know boundaries"
Click here for the full news story, including more details -
- 4
On a Park Bench, To An Armless Mannequin
61 year old Eddie Campbell of West Virginia, who surprisingly doesn't own a fishstick company, was arrested after being spotted on a public park bench masturbating to an armless mannequin; one hand on the mannequin, one on himself. When police approached him, his response was a casual "just tryin' to have a little fun!" The man, aroused by the one-armed mannequin, probably just missed his old boss Captain Hook.
Luckily Campbell, like the mannequin, was not armed.
Click here for the full news story - 5
College Football Athlete Uses Worst Pick-Up Line Ever, Twice
The news story really just does the most justice to this account.
“Freshman defensive lineman Tate Pittman [of Texas A&M] beckoned a female student over to his vehicle. He smiled at her and calmly asked, ‘Can you help me with this?’ as he pointed to his exposed genitals. He was arrested and charged with indecent exposure.”
He was in the school parking lot, so what could possibly go wrong, right? Well, lesson learned and everyone moved on with their lives, right? WRONG
“Two weeks later, possibly to commemorate the two-week anniversary of his first arrest for indecent exposure, Pittman chose another female student, and again smiled before revealing his genitals. In the world of indecent exposure, a smile clearly indicates a non-threatening exposure, but unfortunately for Pittman, the girl was not familiar with the flashers’ code of conduct, and he was arrested again.”
Twice. That's right, he did this TWICE. How many times must he have completely gotten away with this, I mean why do most dumbass guys do the things they do that they think impress women? The answer, sadly, is that at some point, for someone, in some random, ungodly place in the world... the tactic actually worked.
BONUS: Click here for the full story and four other public-masturbating athletes.
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Top 13 Most Shameless Public Masturbators at 8/11/2011 2:43 PM
Pastor Caught Masturbating In Boys Underwear Aisle of a Dollar Store at 9/02/2010 5:54 PM
Top 13 Most Shameless Public Masturbators at 9/03/2010 7:44 AM