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Women Will Never Teach or Have Authority Over Men"I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men; she is to keep silent." Timothy 2:11
This is the most often quoted version of this passage, but in The King James Bible, it goes a little bit more like this...
"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection." which has been translated and taken as the primary passage that doesn't allow women to be preachers. The whole section is really about women not being able to "malign the word of God" if they're not allowed to speak.
Keep in mind the first "big bad" antagonist in The Bible is women, as a sex.
So, since some woman allegedly bit into a delicious looking fruit at some point thousands of years ago, best to attribute one action to an entire sex (just to be safe.)
While this is a little brutal, bringing up this passage to someone who looks like these fine ladies to your left will most likely shut them up (or at the very least garner a really interesting response.)
All women holding up hateful signs are officially moot in the eyes of God, much like they are in the eyes of the rational, so hey, there's a good side to this rule.
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Divorce and Remarrying Are Both Considered Adultery"Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery." (Luke 16:18)
Ooookay, so no church should ever marry people who have already been married if this is the rule.
If anyone in a fundamentalist's family has ever been divorced or re-married, then they are going to hell.
Most people don't observe this rule because it clearly says in The Bible that you can pick and choose which rules you follow (it doesn't.)
How to Use:
According to this passage, all members of the congregation that have been divorced and/or remarried would be sinners and should be kicked out of the church. With a 50% divorce rate in America, it's safe to say that people are selectively ignoring this rule, yet somehow still seeing themselves as "pious."
Just because you're not deeply religious does not mean you're not a good person, and what people are really effectively doing in ignoring certain rules of Christianity is not only proving that exact point, but proving that they believe it.
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No Bastards May Enter the Church"A bitched shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the Lord." (Deuteronomy 23:2)
A bitched is someone who was born outside of wedlock, which means you were born before your parents were married. Being born out of wedlock makes you filthy, apparently; so filthy in fact that it takes ten genetic steps down the line to wash how filthy it makes you.
So your family's 100% awesome to come to church in like a century or two if you're a bitched, which I guess is fair.
Wait, but what if your dad abandoned you and your mom after she had given birth to you... that means you're going to be held responsible and deprived of God's love... which...
Wow, this means that Christian orphanages are hypocritical institutions if they're taking these kids to church. Brutal.
How to Use:
After bringing up the point about orphanages, it's time to take a survey of the church just to make sure there aren't evil, lurking, dirty bitcheds in there ruining the holy juice for everyone.
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Love Thy Neighbor. Seriously."Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke [reason with] thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him. Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord." (Leviticus 19: 17-18)
This pretty much means that every single Westboro Baptist Church protest is inherently Un-Christian.
The Westboro Baptist Church, based in Topeka, Kansas has clearly forgotten this guideline, which is much more explicit than anti-homosexual Biblical references. The church is famous for being a hate group that protests at homosexuals' funerals and has nothing but contempt for any other religion besides its own. The church is using technology to hate on homosexuals through their website, godhatesf*gs.com and has a travel budget of over $200,000 to picket and disrupt funerals all over the country.
They protest military funerals (protest in their context actually means "harass") and make one of the worst days of these people's lives even worse. This is what they do as a primary form of "activism."
The scariest part is that these people actually procreate. They have kids holding up hateful signs and they teach their children the opposite of Christian values.
They have effectively made hate speech accepted and legal by slapping the word "church" on their group, which is probably the smartest thing they've ever done.
But if The Lord says love they neighbor, then what book are they reading?
How to Use:
Simply bring up the fact that all hate speech is inherently Un-Christian.
- 5Up 39Down 14
Women Must Cover Their Hair During Prayer"But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head..." 1 Corinthians 11:5
Wait, so why the hell wasn't I allowed to wear hats in church?
Fundamentalist Christian women seem to have forgotten this basic rule of church attire reminiscent of Islam. The Bible should have clarified what it means to dishonoureth one's head. Most women walk around with their hair uncovered in all styles in modern society and men aren't having too much trouble keeping it in their pants.
How to Use
Mary always wore a veil... why shouldn't they?
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