shopping The Top 20 Insane Pet Products for Crazy Owners

Joanne Phillips
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Pets are a reflection of their owners and a lot of times, that reflection is terrifying. From dolling up their cats with wigs to giving puppies a Twitter account to wearing matching Snuggies, domestication can be taken to another level in some cases. In the market for an automatic dog scratcher so that you don't have to take time out of your busy schedule to pet that needy dog? How about a rig so that you can take your gold fish for a walk it definitely won't remember?

Here are the 20 most ridiculous pet products people have bought. Yes, the crazy products for pets on this list actually make legitimate money (take that, starving countries).

An Accessory for Your Dog's Twitter Account

The life of a dog is really interesting. So interesting that it has to try and do something to tell the world exactly how it feels.

With Puppy Tweets, a $30 device manufactured by Mattel, dogs all over the world can finally have their barks deciphered by wearing the nifty device on their collar.

Because that's all they've ever really wanted: a heavy object hanging from their already tight collar and a social media presence.
You have something "the matter" with you if not only have a Twitter account for your dog and actually update it, but also need a collar so that it can keep up with its own "Twitterstream."

Yes, this product is real.


The Dog Snuggie

Worried that evolution has completely forgotten about dogs and that you'll have to solve their "lack of adequate fur coat" problem? Well look no further than the Dog Snuggie. There's nothing that a hairy, evolutionarily adequate creature needs more than extra heat! Provide this for your dog, if you really love them, by getting them a fleece mumu.

It is available in four different sizes and in two different colors. Which means...large, medium, small and extra small dogs are all at risk of being put through this kind of treatment.

So, if you hate your dog (and yourself), buy the Snuggie For Dogs. At least you'll have each other.

Check out the infomercial below:


Thongs. Yes, They Made Thongs.

If Cisco was a dog, he'd have invented this. Scratch that, if Cisco had been smart he'd have invented this.

Boasting supreme comfort and "ease of movement," (and therefore, ostensibly, wiping out their many competitors) Thongs for Dogs are for accident-prone dogs who don't want to look stupid and, you know, pee on the carpet -- which is actually kind of a nifty device... but why in a thong?

Essentially diapers, the thongs feature a sanitary pad in the band that's easily replaced when soiled. The contraption is made of Spandex and comes in two styles, regular and bikini, as well as an array of colors.

Unfortunately for the target audience for this product, there's no catalog. At least let's hope not.
Goldfish Walker is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Top 20 Insane Pet Products for Crazy Owners
Photo:  uploaded by Joanne Phillips

Goldfish Walker

Sometimes fishes need some fresh air and to exercise their ability to not die of a heart attack due to their world literally being turned on its side.

Yes, this product is exactly what it sounds like: A walker so that you can "walk" your goldfish like you would your dog.

Mick Madden is the creator behind the goldfish walker, which he uses to take his pet goldfish out for a stroll in the sun. He said "I was looking at my goldfish going round in circles in their bowl looking bored silly so I made this to take them out and about and they love it."

Also, they go everywhere together.

To the park. To the pub. Even to the adult video store where he regularly picks up "the only women who love him for who he is."

Mink Coat... For Dogs

If humans have a hard time looking good naked, then dogs must have it hard too. See? This one's just science.

Or at least that's what the fine animal killers/lovers at Hartman & Rose (who are behind the $995 mink coat for dogs) must think.

The only really great thing about this product is the question of what PETA would do, if faced with a lone dog wearing this jacket. Sources say that PETA would actually implode and that all of its members would melt a the same time if ever faced with this conundrum.

Butt Covers. Finally.

Have you ever stared at a poop slowly emerging out of a dog's anus before plopping onto the soft, green grass?

I haven't. You have? That's gross, man, why are you even looking at that. You got problems.

Anyway, that experience is the reason this contraption exists. "Rear Gear" butt covers for dogs, a colorful placard that ties around the pup's tail and hides their hole from the public. Thank God that this problem is finally being tackled in our society because I was actually scared to take my children outdoors because of this... wait no, because of the people who will actually buy this.

A Dog Washing/Traumatization Machine

Nothing says "I love you" more to your pets than throwing them into a loud dark enclosed space with water pouring over them for the first half of 30 minutes and then wind-blowing them like a car you're too cheap to run on anything but the gas station washers.

Yes, washing dogs and cats can be annoying but treating them like dirty laundry is actually getting on the "cruel" side of things.

French entrepreneur Romain Jarry, however, disagrees, with his Dog-O-Matic that has already gained popularity in his home town city of Saint-Max. He insists that the dogs "just sit there and they come out clean" and hopes that the washing machine will be soon become available everywhere in England.

It costs about 13 pounds to wash a small dog, 22 pounds for a medium size dog and 31 pounds for the largest dogs -- not mention how much it'll cost to arrange a burial.

The Dog Sex Toy

Finally, the couch, your favorite childhood plushes and your father in-law's right leg can take a breather.

The doll even comes with some lube, so you can ensure your dog'll be yelping for joy. There are three sizes to pick from, small, medium and large, for the dogs who are used to banging Saint Bernards.

With the first sex doll for dogs by PetSmiling available for sale, dogs now have a new and more suitable object to make their sexual advances on. Appropriately called DoggieLoverDoll, the rubber toy is perfectly sized as a female canine and has a silicone vagina that's "easy to clean." Their words, not mine. No word yet on whether or not they will make one shaped like an overweight middle-aged human woman holding a spoonful of peanut butter.