The Top Baby Products For Bad Parents

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Dear Parents doing your newborn products shopping: baby products are mostly evil, stupid and unnecessary. Out of all baby products these are the stupidest. Ever. We know that you are excited that your new little Missy of Jr is coming, but please stay away from these products and save your money for what you're going to need it for...a Divorce. Kidding!
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    This thing does exactly what it says it does. You put it over your baby boy's penis to keep him from pissing on your face. For $12.95 I rather put a dixie cup over it. Also, who's to say that the geyser effect won't have you hit in the face with the Weeblock AND have pee all over your shirt?
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    Zaky Infant Pillow

    If you have a pair of these, throw them away. If you have any pictures of your baby sleeping next to these things, please throw them out as well. It's like sleeping with a huge, drunk friend. Is that really what you want your baby to get used to? Sleeping with huge, drunk people?
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    Bumper Bonnet

    This very thick, uncomfortable looking diaper is referred to as 'The Bumper Bonnet'. So in other words it's a helmet with bears on it that doesn't work as well as other helmets.
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    Baby Bangs!

    Definitely the creepiest product on this list. Their slogan actually says, 'For the girl who has everything - but hair'. Why does your baby need hair at the age of two months? If you ask me this product is for the parents. If God wants your baby bald for the first year of their life then let them be bald, damn it. What if they have thinning, s**tty hair for the rest of their lives? People will look at old pictures and think that your child hit their hair-peak at the toddler stage.
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    The Baby Wipe Thermo

    I tried to reason with this product until I came to the conclusion that all it was doing was making crap and piss warm for you.
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    'What To Expect When You're Expecting'

    Women give birth every day, you should know what to expect by now. Ask your mother, your sister, your aunt, your friend, your freaking neighbor and save yourself the $30 bucks that are making Heidi Murkoff rich enough to buy herself a new face every two months. A NEW FACE.
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    The Babykeeper

    In their ad they actually say, 'Finally, the answer for the mother on the go'. What is that answer, buddy? That now they can hang their baby next to their shoes in the closet? Their slogan should be "Now you can treat your baby like a coat!"

    I would actually like to hear cases about people that forgot about their baby and walked off. Look at this picture...where is their baby? Is that a bathroom stall? This product ACTUALLY creates the potential problem of leaving your BABY, helpless to move, in a bathroom stall.

    Smart move, Babykeeper, way to be the antithesis of what your name says.
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    The Leash

    Should come with a tape that teaches your baby to bark. Not a CD. A tape.
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