Top Ten Things That Keep You From Getting There By nlsn [3 more lists]
When you're seeing the world from an automobile its easy to label half of the population idiots and the other half morons but in reality there are many subtle mutations of work-a-day traffic impasses. If you've ever been to Los Angeles then you've no doubt encountered every example here in a single block... but even if you haven't there is no escaping...
- 1
Slow Pedestrians
As lights turn green so doth a walk signal bloom.
Slow pedestrians often keep cars from making right turns which in turn can back up a lane beyond the length possible for all vehicles to proceed forward within a light cycle. This leaves you looking at a perfectly good green light only to reach it as it drops to red. Making matters worse, red lights only allow more pedestrians to accumulate on corners thus perpetuating the problem.
I suggest, not letting them feel welcome. Try yelling at pedestrians, honking your horn and waving your arms at them, albeit civilly, so they know you view pedestrian traffic seriously and understand they have to adhere to certain responsibilities in the name of progress, like getting out of the road. -
- 2
Left Turners
Coupled with pedestrians these two can virtually end all forward gain across two lanes of traffic. Left turners are selfish selfish people who thoughtlessly let their own desires override those of society. They most often choose to make this dangerous "maneuver" in the middle of nowhere in order to "get to their driveway" or "turn down their road" and thus being so comfortably accustomed to the turn NEVER EVER use a signal and opt to instead jam on their brakes abruptly and wait for the same opening a Mac Truck would need.
Listen, if your street or your home was important enough you'd have a turn lane... keep driving buddy until you can find somewhere else to live. - 3
Deserve your respect and patience. They are slow and forgetful but should be held accountable for neither.
One day when you're old in 2068 you'll be driving your old rusty Hummer 2 from 2004 just to get some pancreatic medication and dinner at Mc-sizzler-taco-arby-king and you'll sure as h**l wish you could concentrate and didn't have some 20 year-old a-hole honking at you because THEY left 30 minutes late for work.
Pray to them now, in person. Its like getting in good with an angel before they've been promoted. -
- 4
Floaters
To themselves "floaters" are something more than "recreational drivers". They left hours earlier than they're expected to arrive and are playing tic-tac-toe with their passengers and swallowing illegally obtained Quaaludes or trading stories about pre-schoolers.
To me they resemble the annoying eye spots that drift aimlessly on my field of vision after looking at the sun (technically: tiny pieces of the eye's gel-like 'vitreous' break loose within the inner back portion of the eye).
Other possible topics of conversation for "floaters": Clouds, Disneyland, The restaurant they're passing- "Lets slow down and take a better look does it seem crowded what does the menu say do they have prawns or lobster it looks a little too expensive what were the rest of you planning on eating can you see the hours wanna come back tomorrow I don't know the staff looks nice ooh theres an open booth..." - 5
Compulsive Breakers
It's true 60 percent of traffic jams occur for little to know actual reason other than improper reactions, lethargy and an imaginary sense of "pace" . Granted, god hasn't given us automated causeways yet so the task to gauge and process distance, rhythm, and speed still falls largely onto the human brain.
Try and resist hitting your breaks unless its absolutely necessary because the very act of tail light illumination can cascade backward until it eventually effects traffic patterns in other countries. Now I'm all in favor of setting "The Ruskies" back 200 years by systematically impacting their traffic progressions but they have the freaking AUTOBAHN over there. Its like a giant car river that has no speed limits and a death toll in the millions. They don't care because they're top priority is... getting there.
Do your part to keep America's roads moving.
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Slow Pedestrians at 12/22/2009 10:46 AM
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