Tower Heist Movie Quotes

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'Tower Heist' movie quotes are hilarious, with some of the best lines delivered by none other than Eddie Murphy. In 'Tower Heist,' Murphy plays a thief who's hired by security guard Josh Kovacs (Ben Stiller), to help him rob his billionaire boss, Arthur Shaw (Alan Alda). Josh also has some really funny lines. I've compiled some of the best 'Tower Heist' quotes here. Be sure to vote for your favorites, and if you see a quote that isn't on the list, add it!

'Tower Heist' is a 2011 comedy movie directed by Brett Ratner. In the movie, billionaire Arthur Shaw's employees make plans to steal his money, after Arthur invests their life savings in a failed Ponzi scheme. In addition to Eddie Murphy, Ben Stiller and Alan Alda, 'Tower Heist' also stars Matthew Broderick, Casey Affleck, Tea Leoni and Gabourey Sidibe.

'Tower Heist' performed reasonably when it opened in U.S. theaters on November 4, 2011. The action comedy faced stiff box office competition from the likes of DreamWorks' 'Puss in Boots,' which went on to win the weekend (and several additional weekends as well). Since it's release, 'Tower Heist' has grossed well over $76 million domestically and more than $50 million internationally, for a worldwide total of more than $126 million.

Looking for some other great comedy movie lines? Check out these lists for the best quotes from 'The Muppets,' 'Hugo,' 'Arthur Christmas,' 'Jack and Jill,' 'Happy Feet Two,' 'A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas,' 'Puss in Boots,' '50/50,' 'Horrible Bosses,' 'Friends With Benefits,' and '30 Minutes or Less,''!

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    Mr. Fitzhugh: "The maid's gone rogue!"

    Buttoned-up Mr. Fitzhugh (Matthew Broderick) sums things up nicely in this quote: Sweet and timid Odessa proves to be anything but, as she takes out anyone standing in her way.

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    Your Face

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    Slide: "I will blow your face clean off your face!"

    Classic Eddie Murphy comedy!

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    Taking a Poll

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    Odessa: "You married?"
    Slide: "Say what?"
    Odessa: "You married?"
    Slide: "No, I ain't married. What's up?"
    Odessa: "Just taking a poll."
    Slide: "Taking a poll?"
    Odessa: "I'll take your poll..."

    Gabourey Sidibe stars in 'Tower Heist' as Odessa, a housekeeper who works for Mr.Shaw. Sidibe has said that this entire (funny) exchanged was improvised!

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    Odessa: "Ya mess wit me, ya a dead man."

    More funny Odessa. The quote itself is pretty benign, but it's Gabby Sidibe's delivery, in a Jamaican accent, that makes it so funny.

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    Lunch is On Me

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    Josh: "Jeez a hamburger is $24. We can't afford to eat here anyway."
    Slide: "We can order whatever we like cause uh, lunch is on me!" (Holds up a baggie with a dead roach inside)

    Slide is a true con artist, always carrying around a nice, dead, insect to get free meals. Don't try this at home. Or in your local restaurant. Please?

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    Slide: "How is this supposed to be right if you made it out of Legos?"
    Josh: "The dimensions are completely accurate."
    Slide: "Man you might as well use Lincoln Logs." (holds up a small Lego person) "And who's this, Webster?!"

    All Hail Eddie Murphy! So great to see him in a non-kiddie comedy again!

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    White Neighbors

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    Josh: "The average apartment in the tower costs 5.6 million dollars. We have the best views, the most advanced security system, but do you know what these people are really buying?"
    Enrique Dev’Reaux : "White neighbors?"

    Probably not the reason Enrique. It's probably the security and the staff that these millionaires are buying.

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    Just Like Everyone Else

    Arthur Shaw: "I may have my own private island in Belize, but deep down, I'm just an Astoria boy like Josh here."
    Josh: "That's right, P.S. 104. Go Lions!"

    Sure, Mr. Shaw. You're just like everyone else. Except that you are A. A billionaire and B. A lying, cheating, sleazebag.

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    Steve McQueen's Car

    Special Agent Claire Denham (to Arthur Shaw): "You have Steve McQueen’s car parked in your living room? And here I thought you were an asshole."

    Tea Leoni's turn as FBI Special Agent Claire Denham adds a lot of funny to 'Tower Heist.' She makes the most out of her supporting role - here, dressing down the ultra-wealthy crook, Arthur Shaw.

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    Living In a Box

    Mr. Fitzhugh: "If you need me, I'll be living in this box..."

    Poor Mr. Fitzhugh. He and the others are having a terrible time - but he's definitely the most sad-sack of them all. Unfortunately, he's now roped into this crazy scheme to rip off the man who ripped them all off. A box might seem better than a prison cell...

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    Picking a Lock

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    Slide: Earlier today I taught you all how to pick a lock with a bobby pin. I want you all to practice on this door. I've got bobby pins for all of y'all." (distributes bobby pins to everyone) "You unlock the door, or you're gonna freeze to death. I'm gonna be inside having sex with Rita."
    Mr. Fitzhugh: "Who's Rita?"

    While Josh is the leader of this merry band of would-be thieves, they need Slide's expertise to pull off the heist. He's giving them some tough lessons.

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    Join Me

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    Charlie: "You're going to go to jail!"
    Josh: "Yes!"
    Charlie: "You're gonna die!"
    Josh: "Yes!"
    Charlie: "Probably both!"
    Josh: "Yes! Join me!"

    A cautious Charlie (Casey Affleck) is one of the last to get on board with Josh's robbery scheme.

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    Not Talking to You

    Slide: "You know this was a bad idea...right?"
    Josh: "That's IT! I'm not talking to you for the rest of the robbery."

    The funniest dialogue in 'Tower Heist' might just be the interaction between Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy's characters. Welcome back, Mr. Murphy!

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    Better Idea

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    Mr. Fitzhugh: "I'm thinking of becoming a male prostitute."
    Josh: "I think I might have a better idea."

    Josh has a plan. A lofty, dangerous, kind of stupid plan, but it just might work. They'll steal millions from their billionaire, Ponzi-scheming boss (and hopefully keep Mr. Fitzhugh off the streets!).

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    Shot in Your Head

    Slide: "If you get shot in your head, it's over. If you get shot in your face, the bullet will go through your cheek and come out the other side! Then what you gonna do?!"
    Charlie: "Die. We're all gonna die!"

    Charlie (Casey Affleck) understandably has some misgivings about Josh's scheme - and even more misgivings after Slide fills him in on some potential pitfalls of the plan. Like, you know, getting shot and stuff.

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    Wallet, Meet Thief

    Slide: "Never leave your wallet with a thief."

    Slide is a career thief and a pretty smooth-talking con man. Don't give him your wallet. Don't give him your cell phone. Heck, don't give him your trash to throw away - he'll find a way to rip you off.

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    Seizure Boy

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    Slide: "How come you bail me out? I don't even know your name."
    Josh: "You don't remember Mrs. Salzberg? We used to get dropped off at her apartment every morning for daycare. Come on, heavy-set woman, short goatee?"
    Slide: "You're the little seizure boy that was having them seizures all the time!"
    Josh: "No!"
    Slide: "But you would have seizures on a regular basis and all the kids would be crying and your eyes were rolling back, and the foam was coming out - it was very scary!"
    Josh: "Asthma doesn't cause seizures!"
    Slide: "Why'd you bail me out?"
    Josh: "Because I have a job for you."
    Slide: "Ohhhh little seizure boy wanna try to rob somebody, huh? What you trying to steal?"
    Josh: "20 million dollars."

    Eddie Murphy's Slide is a pro thief brought in by the guys to be their 'ringer' in the robbery. This scene is classic Murphy humor!

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