- 1+ 10- 0
A Little MusicRose O'Malley: "I don't think you think things through."
David Burke: "Will you relax! How about a little music?"
[Kenny begins singing along perfectly to TLC's "Waterfalls"]
David Burke: [Mouths] "What the f***?"
In one of many moments where the fake family members get to know each other a bit more, David, Rose and Casey learn that Kenny has a very unique talent in this scene. That talent? Singing along word for word with
- 2+ 15- 4
Bring It Back Here by Sunday NightvBrad Gurdlinger: "I have a smidge of marijuana down in Mexico. Bring it back here by Sunday night and I'll pay you $100,000."
David Burke: "This is way out of my league."
Brad Gurdlinger: "You don't have a choice."
[David sees a whale attack a dolphin]
David Burke: "What the f*** is that?"
Brad Gurdlinger: "I bought an orca. I make a lot of money."
An interaction between David and his boss Brad sets off a chain of events by which the movie follows. Here, David learns that Brad wants him to smuggle what he says is just a tiny amount of drugs from Mexico back to the states. It sounds simple but things escalate quickly.
- 3+ 5- 2
It's a SkateboardvDavid Burke: [Playing Pictionary] "Is that a rocket or um?"
Rose O'Malley: "You know what that is, is that a cucumber? It's a big, black penis."
Kenny: "It's a skateboard."
David Burke: "Skateboard, great"
Rose O'Malley: "Of course it is!"
David Burke: "It's a big, black skateboard."
An innocent game of Pictionary goes awry when Rose's stripper thoughts surface in her answers. Luckily David is there to get her mind out of the gutter.
- 4+ 3- 0
We're the MillersFlight Attendant: "You have a lovely family."
David Burke: "Thank you very much. We're the Millers. This is my son, Kenny Miller, and my daughter…"
David Burke: "Casey" [to Rose] "Honey!"
Rose O'Malley: "Eat a d***!"
David Burke: "Sorry"
Trying to act the part, David introduces his family to the flight attendant. All goes well until he forgets the name of his daughter and when he leans in for a kiss with Rose, he gets some choice words in return.
- 5+ 4- 2
Meet Your New SistervDavid Burke: "Look, I hired this dork that lives in my building and a little gutter punk."
…David Burke: "Kenny, meet your new sister!"
Kenny: "I've always wanted a sister." [hugs Casey]
Casey: "Get it off of me!"
David Burke: "We just have to dress up as an all-American squeaky clean family."
After hiring Kenny and Casey to act as his children, he introduces the two. Kenny is elated to have a sister but Casey on the other hand is not amused.
- 6+ 1- 0
The FitzgeraldsRose O'Malley: "Is this part of your plan?"
Don Fitzgerald: "You folks can make camp with the Fitzgeralds tonight."
The fake family's RV breaks down leaving them stranded. While they are welcomed to stay with another camper family, they have to be careful to keep what they are hiding secret.
- 7+ 1- 0
Just a Cheap StripperDavid Burke: "It turns out we stole from an international drug dealer."
Pablo Chacon: "You all die now as a family."
Casey: "We're not even a real family."
David Burke: "My wife, she's just a cheap stripper."
Pablo Chacon: "Okay, prove it!"
[Kenny watches Rose strip]
David Burke: [Smacks Kenny] "Have some respect! That's your mother!"
Desperate times call for desperate measures and if there is anything that will ease tensions when the Millers are picked up by a drug lord, it's a stripper. Luckily Rose is there ready to perform.
- 8+ 1- 0
This Is Not a SmidgeDavid Burke: "Hola! I'm here to pick up a smidge of pot."
David Burke: "This is not a smidge! You've got me moving enough weed to kill Willy f****** Nelson, man!"
After David arrives at the location where he picks up the marijuana, he learns that when David said a "smidge" he really meant a massive amount. Regardless, he doesn't have many options to back out at this point.
- 9+ 3- 3
You Should Wear a DisguisevKenny: "You're probably going to get searched at the border… You could wear a disguise."
David Burke: "Like Bane from Batman, something like that?" [in a Bane voice] "Ahh there's no drugs in here, you have nothing to worry about."
David confides in Kenny about his drug smuggling dilemma. While they joke about wearing a disguise, the conversation does give David a great idea on how to pass through customs easily.
- 10+ 1- 1
It's Not That BadKenny: "F*** a doggy. It hurts so much!"
Rose O'Malley: "Oh god! Let me see it."
Kenny: "You're not seeing it."
David Burke: "Will you just man up and drop your pants?"
Casey: "We've all seen a d***."
David Burke: "What's it look like? I can't look."
Casey: "F*** me!"
David Burke: "It's not that bad."
Rose O'Malley: "Will you look at that thing?"
David Burke: "No, I'm not going to look at it."
Rose O'Malley: "You're telling me…"
Kenny: "How bad is it?"
David Burke: "Kenny is fine!"
When Kenny is bit by a spider in the desert in his groin area, he's hesitant to show his parts to his fake family members. Things don't improve when he drops his pants then later faints.
- 11+ 0- 0
Spice Things Up a LittleDon Fitzgerald: "When you've been married as long as we have, you're looking to spice things up a bit."
Edie Fitzgerald: "I've never touched another woman before."
David Burke: "I would be okay with that."
Don Fitzgerald: "So I guess we're swingin." [sticks his finger in David's ear]
David Burke: "Ohh, ahh, oohh"
Things go from awkward to straight up weird when late at night the Fitzgeralds make David and Rose an indecent proposal. David is cool with it for a minute, but then things get even weirder.
- 12+ 4- 5
You Can't Rent Me!vRose O'Malley: "What do you want?"
David Burke: "How would you like to spend Fourth of July weekend making 10 grand?"
Rose O'Malley: "What?!"
David Burke: "Rose, listen. All I'm asking is you go to Mexico with me this weekend. All right, and then you and me, we drive home in an RV and that RV has a little bit of pot in it."
Rose O'Malley: "Drug dealing?"
David Burke: "No, no, it's not drug dealing, it's smuggling."
Rose O'Malley: "Are you out of your mind?"
David Burke: "Look, Rose, $10,000 and your flight's already paid for."
Rose O'Malley: "You can't buy me!"
David Burke: "I'm not buying you, all right. I'm renting you! Like Pretty Woman.. Me crossing the border alone, huge red flag, but families, they don't get a second look. Rose, I need you to be my wife."
With his fake kids hired for the job, David approaches Rose at her place of business to ask for her help. Rose thinks he's crazy, which might be true, but she's also enticed by the thought of making that much money so quickly.
- 13+ 1- 2
Asparagus Pee and a Hook HandDavid Burke: "So how was work this evening, neighbor?"
Rose O'Malley: "You're not a neighbor, you're a pot dealer."
Strip Club Manager: "I need a lap dance, table 5. Don't get too close, the guy smells like asparagus pee and he's got a hook hand."
While strippers make a lot of money for what they do, as Rose learns in this scene, sometimes the work is not as fun as it sounds.