Wedding Jokes
Jack Napier List of Wedding Jokes and humor, culled from TV shows, films, stand-up comedy and pop culture. These one-liners and humorous anecdotes look at Wedding Jokes from a variety of perspectives, and try to find humor in wry observations, through irony and sarcasm, and even just by being silly. Human beings love to laugh, and being able to notice life's little absurdities can make even bad days seem a bit cheerier. Some of these jokes about Wedding Jokes are designed with that in mind, from amusing little witticisms to obscure references to puns. Others take a more satirical approach to the subject of Wedding Jokes, mining hypocrisy and criticism for laughs.
The jokes on this page take many forms and are written in different formats. Some have a very traditional set-up/punchline style, with the set-up in bold and the punchline written smaller in the space below. Others are more like mini-stories or scenarios, in which case they've simply been broken up in a way that's convenient and easy to read. Go through them all and vote for your favorites!
The jokes on this page take many forms and are written in different formats. Some have a very traditional set-up/punchline style, with the set-up in bold and the punchline written smaller in the space below. Others are more like mini-stories or scenarios, in which case they've simply been broken up in a way that's convenient and easy to read. Go through them all and vote for your favorites!
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- 1Up 7Down 2
How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding?
“ Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church. „ - 2Up 6Down 1
Why are married women heavier than single women?
“ Because single women come home, see what's in the fridge, and go to bed, whereas married women come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge! „ - 3Up 8Down 4
Very Good Reason
“ An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is." he replied, "Breakfast." „ - 4Up 7Down 3
Aspirin
“ A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository." „ - 5Up 7Down 4
Men are like floor tiles
“ If you can lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life. „ - 6Up 7Down 4
What's the difference between in-laws and out-laws?
“ Out-laws are wanted! „ - 7Up 6Down 3
A husband said to his wife
“ No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine. „ - 8Up 6Down 3
A man meets a genie
“ The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death." „ - 9Up 6Down 3
A little boy asked
“ "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it." „ - 10Up 5Down 3
Lucky Escape?
“ A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, 'No, I was thinking about the time before our nuptials. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!' „ - 11Up 4Down 2
If men were in charge of weddings
“ Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long. „ - 12Up 4Down 2
Millionaire husband
“ A woman was telling her friend, "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire." „ - 13Up 3Down 1
Words to live by
“ Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute. „ - 14Up 3Down 2
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
“ They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time! „ - 15Up 2Down 1
Before and After
“ Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. „ - 16Up 2Down 1
At the party
“ A nagging old woman at a party walked up to a belligerent old man and told him, "If you were my husband I would poison your drink!" To which he replied, "If you were my wife, I would drink it!" „ - 17Up 1Down 0
If your wife laughs at your joke
“ It means you either have a good joke, or a good wife. „ - 18Up 3Down 3
Wedding ring
“ Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man! „ - 19Up 3Down 3
Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
“ I'm looking for a loophole. „ - 20Up 3Down 3
At the wedding
“ A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?" The mom replied, "Because they're happy, dear." Halfway through the wedding the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do men wear black?" „ - 21Up 2Down 2
How do most men define marriage?
“ A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. „ - 22Up 2Down 2
What is the difference between a marriage and a war?
“ A marriage is a war in which the enemies can sleep together. „ - 23Up 1Down 1
Happy marriage
“ The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. „ - 24Up 1Down 1
To be happy with a man
“ You must understand him a lot and love him a little. „ - 25Up 2Down 4
Do you know the true meaning of WIFE?
“ Husband: "It means Without Information, Fighting Everytime."
Wife: "No, it means… With Idiot For Ever!!" „ -
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