Weird Nature The Weirdest Animal Penises of All Time  

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List of weird animal penises. The strangest penises on earth are located within the confines of this marvelous list. Peruse the penises of animals from all walks of life to see how unique their units are. You will not believe the shapes you will see, the sizes you will hear, and the uses you will learn about. As if sex on "Animal Planet" wasn't crazy enough, these animal penises are the craziest and most cartoonish packages that a female counterpart could ever ask (or not ask) for.
Dolphin penis might sound like the name of a dinner in a foreign country, but they are in fact insanely retractable monsters that grope fellow dolphins (and the occasional sea turtle) left and right. If that's too normal, then perhaps a tortoise penis will be amusing enough. These liquid tubes are in the shape of a cylinder that, as a female tortoise seduces him, will result in a puffed up package that is twice its original size. And maybe you should check out your pet at home, since "red rocket" dog and "genitally-barbed" cat penises are some of the most unusual peckers out there.
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Horses is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Weirdest Animal Penises of All Time
Photo: Wikimedia Commons/CC BY-SA 4.0

"Hung like a horse" might be a saying, but it'd also be horrifying. These weirdly big penises increase up to 4 times in size when aroused, accompanied by a urethral fossa, a pouch at the end of the glans (which also increases up to 4 times in size). 

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Dolphins is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Weirdest Animal Penises of All Time
Photo: Imgur

Dolphin dongs are out of this world and frankly deserve to stay underwater. Dolphins have penises that are so terrifyingly long and retractable that they are constantly wrapping them around females (and males) to have relations. The dolphin penis can also swivel, and can operate like a human hand, to feel out objects.

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Elephants is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Weirdest Animal Penises of All Time
Photo:  Derek Keats/Wikimedia Commons

Mazel tov to the elephant, who has one of the freakishly largest penises on the planet. It can reach up to 39 inches in length, and 6 inches in diameter (at the base). Its orifice is shaped like the letter Y while its erection is shaped like the letter S. The elephant penis also has a mind of its own, and is independently mobile from the rest of the pelvis.

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Whales is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Weirdest Animal Penises of All Time
Photo:  Richard Gould/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY 2.0

Despite Ron Burgundy's false claim that San Francisco translates to "a whale's vagina," San Francisco might be the size of a whale's penis. This freakishly big whale wiener, especially a blue whale, is prehensile at the tip and can beat out the elephant in penis size. They can grow several feet long - the biggest is the blue whale penis at freaking 10 feet long! - and strangely pop out from a genital slit during sex.