Have you ever wondered what kings and queens got up to in their spare, sexy time in the bedroom? You know, when they weren't too busy with any of their other weird royal obsessions? Well, wonder no further - some of these monarchs had quite creepy fetishes or other weird sexual habits in the privacy of their own homes.
While there are several reasons people develop a fetish, one has to assume that some of these kings and queens were just straight-up bored. After all, if you have all the money and power in the world, what else is there to do for fun? Some of them, of course, probably just had stories made up about them. Still, from the pedophile emperors of ancient Rome to the necrophilacs of France, here are some of the strangest royal sex fetishes in all of recorded history.
Perhaps the most infamous "fetish" is that of Catherine the Great. This early modern Russian empress supposedly had such a sexual appetite that she couldn't be satisfied by a man; instead, she had to resort to bestiality, having sex with her favorite well-hung horse. In reality, this was just a rumor used to slander a woman who took lovers throughout her life, but were any of these dirty rumors about monarchs and their sexual habits true? Well, there's always creepy Caligula, the incestuous emperor of the first century C.E. The most bizarre of the weird fetishes of royals from history were even stranger than you think.
Catherine The Great Was (Maybe) Mounted By Her Favorite Horse, Definitely Got Around
Rumor has it that Catherine II of Russia was so lascivious that she died by having sex with her horse. In reality, Catherine was just a woman with a healthy sexual appetite; she didn't schtup her pony. Throughout her adult life, she took many lovers, which contemporaries and historians used to depict her as an insatiable harpy. Such mockery was often part and parcel, unfortunately, of being a powerful woman in that day and age. Catherine actually kicked the bucket after having a stroke on the toilet.
The Roman emperor Caligula (his real name was Gaius; "Caligula" was a nickname, which meant "little boots") liked to get down and dirty with his family members. Ancient Roman rumor had it that this insane autocrat slept with each of his three sisters. However, contrary to popular opinion, he didn't rip his sibling's baby from her womb and eat it.
Caligula's favorite sister was Drusilla; their grandma caught them sleeping together (allegedly) as kids, and Caligula took Drusilla from her husband to live with him when they were adults. Grieving intensely after Drusilla's death, Caligula also pimped out his other sisters to his favorite subjects.see more on Caligula
Herod was a notorious figure in the ancient world, but his problems might have run even deeper than we realize. He wasn't actually born a Judean or a royal, but married into the Hasmonean/Maccabee dynasty that ruled the area; his wife was called Mariamne. A beautiful lady, Mariamne made Herod super-jealous of any guy she smiled at. So, thanks to some conspiring from his own family, Herod had her killed.
Horrifyingly, he couldn't let her go after her death. The Talmud claims that Herod kept her dead body and still made love to it for seven whole years. And that must have been a sticky situation, considering Mariamne's body was supposedly preserved in honey!see more on Herod the Great
The uber-creepy Emperor Elagabalus was debauched in both his personal and official life. In a case of the ultimate religious sacrilege, he raped a Vestal Virgin - the chaste priestesses who were the heart of Rome - and wanted to destroy the eternal flames at the goddess Vesta's shrine. During his reign, he "profaned the sacred rites of the Roman nation," according to the Historia Augusta, supposedly in an attempt to put his own patron god at the center of the pantheon.
Elagabalus also sent his agents out to get the men with the biggest, um, "organs" to come pleasure him. He also hosted performances of Helen and Paris's love story at his home; he himself played a role in the drama, assuming the part of love goddess Venus and stripping naked in front of his guests.see more on Elagabalus
The second Roman emperor, Tiberius, was into some pretty awful stuff, sexually speaking. He trained a bunch of little boys, his "fries," to "to swim between his thighs to nibble and lick him." He even snatched up "weaned healthy babies" and let them "suck his penis instead of their mother’s nipple, he being, by age and nature, fond of such perversions."
At his seaside villa in Capri, he hosted orgies to help keep his own libido up, according to Suetonius. Tiberius also collected erotic writings and had sexy frescoes painted on his walls. Also, in the gardens, he made boys and girls dress up as Pan and wild nymphs and have sex. And that's not even counting all his depravities with adults...see more on Tiberius
He might be best known as the first Holy Roman Emperor, but Charlemagne (derived from "Carolus Magnus," or "Charles the Great") was actually a total weirdo. Medieval rumor had it that he actually liked sleeping with dead people. At one point, it was just said that he'd committed some "unspeakable sin" that the Church eventually pardoned him for, but was it necrophilia?
Legend said that one of his wives had a magic ring that made him love her; when she died, she had it in her mouth, so Charlemagne stayed in love with his deceased spouse and wouldn't let her go. Some have suggested he committed incest with his sister and had a kid by her instead. Either way, he clearly had some issues.
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Besides loving his mom, Agrippina, way too much, the Roman Emperor Nero had another, somehow weirder sexual habit. Apparently, he went after men and women's private parts while dressed in the skins of slain animals, according to Suetonius.
Like a wild creature himself, Nero "was released from a cage dressed in the skins of wild animals, and attacked the private parts of men and women who stood bound to stakes." After he got super-aroused, his ex-slave/freedman, Doryphus, got him off.see more on Nero
Prince Chien Of Han China Liked Drowning Little Kids
Like the infamous Caligula, the ancient Chinese prince Chien loved keeping it in the family: he slept with several of sisters. Allegedly, he also punished the women of his court he didn't like by making them stand outside naked, keeping time on a drum, all day long. Also, Chien drowned boys and girls in his palace lake, put ladies he didn't like naked in trees, or refused to allow them to eat. So, yeah, maybe your last Tinder date wasn't so bad after all.