Snake Dies of Silicone Poisoningv
At a recent photo shoot in Tel Aviv, Israeli model Orit Fox, whose last name is kind of a lie, got a little too friendly with a snake (an actual snake.)
Fox was comfortable with the animal throughout the shoot, wrapping it around her neck, back and legs, but as soon as the Z-list personality went in the for the kiss, the snake reacted badly.
Why? Well, because it's a motherf*cking snake. It's obviously got ONE famous mode of communication -- its tongue. So why the hell would you stick your tongue out at it? You have NO IDEA what you're saying in snake. You could be insulting its mother, or maybe even possibly its tooth-length (you don't know what's insulting to snakes.)
Well, clearly the woman said something along the lines of a holocaust joke to the snake and it went in for a huge bite of her new insensitive enemy by biting her on the breast as hard as it could.
Being a model for a living, she has fake boobs and when the snake went in for the kill, it unleashed poison from her implants in the form of silicone. The snake had been poisoned by something inside a blonde model with fake breasts, just like a lot of us, but unfortunately for the very-offended snake, it didn't live to deal with the Carmex and died of silicone poisoning.
Or so goes the headline. Animal experts have contended that snakes cannot die of silicone poisoning, but several online publications beg to differ.
German Porn Star "Sexy Cora" Dies after Botched Boob Job
As much as I want to make fun of this, it's actually really sad, so get your tissues out (to cry.)
According to TMZ.com, German porn star "Sexy Cora" fell into a coma during her breast augmentation surgery to go from a 34F to a 34 G (for Glorious) and died just nine days later.
According to Sky News, "She went under the knife for the last time at the Alster Clinic and was having 800g (28oz) of silicone injected into each breast. But her heart stopped beating during the operation. She suffered brain damage and was put into an induced coma."
The doctors who performed the procedure are being charged with negligent manslaughter.
Sexy Cora had previously gone in for five surgeries at another hospital in Poland, but when they refused to see her a sixth time she resorted to look for whoever else would take her. And like this poor girl (an 18 year old high school student who died of a boob job) she had
Teen Hires Men to Kill Mother for Money for His Girlfriend's Boob Job
Nikita Lee Weis is a boob guy. You can tell.
This particular boob guy happened to be low on rent money and wanted his cute Asian girlfriend to also have a boob job. This was extremely important to him. So important, in fact, that he decided to hire some thugs to kill his mother so he could sell her car and liquidate her assets in order to buy his girlfriend said boob job.
When the two people he hired (who really must've been about as smart as The Sticky Bandits -- the bandits from Home Alone) attacked her with small baseball bats, the mother was able to hit the panic button on her car alarm and run to a nearby neighbor's house like most people in horror movies should do.
They were all later caught, including the unfortunately-still-relatively-flat-chested girlfriend who apparently didn't have a problem with any of this.
So although boobs didn't technically "kill" in this entry, they almost did and like many near-death entries on this list, that's all that matters.
Man Kills Stranger Because Girlfriend Falsely Claimed He Touched Her Breastsv
Guys really will kill for boobs. This is no longer hyperbole, it is a fact.
Take teenager Lee Swales who was walking home with his drunk, s**tty, ridiculous idiot of a girlfriend one night when she decided, for no reason, to claim that the man passing them was one who touched her breasts earlier that night.
Like any rational dude, Lee Swales came to his lady's rescue by approaching the guy and punching him in the face. Little did Swales know that the man he punched in the face would coincidentally fall right onto the corner of a sidewalk and suffer massive head injury which would then lead to his death in just a few days.
He killed him with a single punch.
Needless to say this was an accident, so the guy got off with only 30 months in jail as the judge did consider that one punch really does not equal intent to kill, but that he should not have done it anyway.
Either way, what did this girl's boobs look like in order for them to be worth killing a guy over touching them? Sources say that they're most likely akin to that of a unicorn's tears, which can heal any ailment and grant eternal youth, as this would be the only reasonable way someone would kill for boobs.
And now, embedded to lighten the mood, Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney with "The Girl is Mine"... take it away, boys.
Woman's 40 LL Breasts Nearly Kill Boyfriendv
This is one of the best stories of all time.
Claire Smedley, 27, has 40LL breasts. Yes, those exist.
Something that her husband clearly likes is enormous, monstrous breasts. She gladly obliges whenever they get down and awesome by smother him with them, which, according to Smedley (mother of three) he loved.
"Steven was usually crazy about being smothered with them. This time, he started flailing around a little bit, but I assumed it was because he was so excited, so I kept going..."
She nearly murdered her boyfriend during sex with her 40 LL bitches.
After Steven, the smothered man, passed out and stopped breathing, he miraculously recovered from the incident, although their relationship did not.
Steven now refers to Smedley's boobs as the "rack of doom." They are the second largest pair in Britain and, unlike they would in America, they don't sell tickets to see them.
38KKK Bust Nearly Kills Modelv
Note: yes, that main list image you see up there is an actual, real picture of this woman. Feel free to click on it for a larger view.
Sheyla Hershey, a Brazilian model, recently underwent plastic surgery to enlarge her already humongous 38KKK breasts (the most racist of breast sizes) to an "M" (for Mature) and suffered complications that nearly killed her.
The model was bed-ridden and struggling to breathe, suffering from a severe staph infection from her previous surgery. Doctors were nearly forced to remove Hershey's natural breasts along with her implants following the complications, which probably would have been a lot like knocking over a years-long sand castle (she worked for years to gradually get her breast sizes up, as it was her dream to have the world's largest bitches.)
Hershey's breasts each contain about a gallon of silicone implant fluid. Literal milk jugs she's carrying around. Literal milk jugs. Handling those would be much like taking heavy bags of groceries up a flight of stairs with no breaks in between.
No word yet on whether the model has recovered from her botched boob job, but her breasts have been acknowledged as the largest in the world by the Brazilian equivalent of the Guinness Book of World Records which, you know, sounds legit.
This Jerk's Hilarious Manboobs Made Him Kill People
Sidney Cornwell is a crip. He's also a killer. A really lucky killer. He and his other crip buddies (that's what they call each other, right?) were hunting for a member of a rival gang (who nobody on earth knows the name of) when the booberific Cornwell opened fire on a porch full of people who might know the person they were looking for. Might.
Tragically, he accidentally killed a three-year-old in the process. And it's not like that previous entry where the whole accidental part is going to get this guy off a sentence, he accidentally killed someone for f*cking shooting into a crowd.
So where do the boobs come in?
Well, this guy apparently had a case of Klinefelter's Syndrome, which basically gives people "b*tch t*ts" like that guy in Fight Club due to an extra X chromosome in their DNA (that's the girly one.) The judge didn't know about Milkjugs McPokeyShirt's condition at the time, so the Governor pardoned his death sentence to just life in prison with no chance of parole.
He was apparently able to blame the entire incident on psychological issues from his Klinefelter's Syndrome from being bullied way too much as a child due to his round, supple and perky breasts.
At least this jerk is serving a life sentence. Hopefully they make him run a lot.