toys 22 G.I. Joe Action Figures You Wouldn't Want in Your Platoon  

Jake Baumgart
2k votes 334 voters 127k views 22 items Follow Embed

List Rules Vote up the G.I. Joe toys you never wanted to take on top secret missions

With so many Joes, it was inevitable that there would be stupid G.I. Joe action figures. G.I. Joe's tagline for most of the '80s and '90s was "A Real American Hero." That means that the vast and ever expanding G.I. Joe toy line tried to represent every facet of the American armed forces. As awesome as Hasbro was at churning these little plastic dudes they definitely missed the mark once or twice. 

That's why there were enough duds, losers, and outsiders for this extensive list of the Worst G.I. Joe action figures. This is for every kid that didn't know what to do with Mainframe or the child that had to come up with something cool for Dial Tone to do while the other heroes were at war against Cobra.

So vote up the most ridiculous G.I. Joe toys and characters below, then hop in the silliest G.I. Joe vehicle you can find and hit the road. 
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Colonel Courage


Colonel Courage is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 22 G.I. Joe Action Figures You Wouldn't Want in Your Platoon
Photo: YoJoe
Make no mistake, the colonel's primary function in the G.I. Joe organization is as a pencil pusher. In fact, his file card goes over this again and again, even listing his primary specialty as administrative strategist. It looks like the position also comes with the perk of picking out your own code name too. 
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Quick Kick


Quick Kick is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 22 G.I. Joe Action Figures You Wouldn't Want in Your Platoon
Photo: YoJoe
When you have two of the coolest ninjas in all of pop culture on your team, coming into Joe HQ looking like bad Bruce Lee cosplay just doesn't stack up. 
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Dial-Tone


Dial-Tone is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 22 G.I. Joe Action Figures You Wouldn't Want in Your Platoon
Photo: YoJoe
This isn't to say that the man who operates the radio in combat isn't important. However, the code name and look of poor Dial-Tone ages like milk. Aside from the fact that a kid today would have no clue as to what a dial tone even is, but did he really need all that equipment to man a radio?
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Sci Fi


Sci Fi is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 22 G.I. Joe Action Figures You Wouldn't Want in Your Platoon
Photo: YoJoe
Let's try not to dock points for those lime green fatigues (have you seen the other Joes?) but when your specialty is "lasers" on a team where EVERYONE SHOOTS LASERS, it's hard to stand out.