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- 1+ 6- 0
Magnum!Derek Zoolander: "One look?... ONE LOOK?! I don't think so!"
(Derek reveals Magnum)
Hansel: "There it is"
Larry Zoolander: "Holy moly"
Maury Ballstein: "Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!"
After being told repeatedly that he only has one look, he just names it different things, Derek Zoolander unveils Magnum, the big look he's been working on for years. While it really is the same look at Blue Steel, Ferarri and Le Tigra, it stops Mugatu's throwing star in mid-air and saves the Prime Minister of Malaysia from a certain death.
- 2+ 11- 4
Investigatory JournalistDerek Zoolander: "Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your 'do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way'?"
Poor Derek. While speaking to investigatory journalist Matilda, he falls into a never-ending circle of speech that seems to go on forever. Little does he know that Matilda is actually on his side, not trying to leave people dead and bloodied and dying along the way to make a name for herself as an investigatory journalist.
- 3+ 8- 2
A Bad EugoogoolizerMatilda: "Derek? Derek, hey!"
Derek Zoolander: "What do you want?"
Matilda: "Actually, I'm trying to talk to Mugatu but he's tougher to get to than the president."
Derek Zoolander: "Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?"
Matilda: "A what?"
Derek Zoolander: "A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals."
(Matilda looks at Derek confused)
Derek Zoolander: "Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?"
It's a good thing that Derek Zoolander is really, really, really ridiculously good looking since as his creative pronunciation of eulogy, the speech he gave after his roommates all died in a freak gasoline fight accident, isn't going to win him a Nobel Prize anytime soon.
- 4+ 8- 2
Crazy PillsMugatu: "SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? NOTHING! YOU'VE DONE NOTHING! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done, then I will!"
Right as it's time for Derek Zoolander to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia, he stops, much to the displeasure of Mugatu, who follows with a lengthy tirade about everything from inventing the piano key necktie eons ago to how Derek Zoolander looks are all the same. As much as assassinating foreign leaders is bad, Mugatu does have a point.
- 5+ 6- 1
Really, Really, Really, Ridiculously Good LookingDerek Zoolander: "I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is."
After losing the Male Model of the Year Award in embarrassing fashion to rival model Hansel, Derek Zoolander has one of his deepest thoughts ever. Derek ponders if there's more to life than being nice on the eyes, much to the confusion of his model housemates.
- 6+ 6- 1
A Center For AntsMugatu: "Let's get back to the reason that we're really here. Without much further ado, I give you the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good."
Derek Zoolander: (Looks at the tiny scale model of the proposed center) "What is this?!? A center for ants?!?"
Derek Zoolander: "How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?"
Ah, poor Derek Zoolander is finally offered his own center for kids who can't read good and want to learn how to do other stuff good too, but in a confused state has no idea that the scale model he's shown of the building is only a tiny model, not the actual finished product.
- 7+ 7- 2
I'm Not An Ambi-Turner
Derek Zoolander: "And all he had to do was turn left."
Matilda: "What do you mean?"
Derek Zoolander: "I'm not an ambi-turner. It's a problem I had since I was a baby. I can't turn left."
Matilda: "Derek, that's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who can't turn...I mean, there have got to be some people out there just like you who can't...turn...turn...left."
Showing us interesting new conditions we've never heard of before, Derek Zoolander painfully explains to Matilda about his problem turning... left. As Derek's agent Maury later explains, some models go right at the end of the runway and others turn left. Derek is no ambi-turner, he does not turn left.
- 8+ 5- 1
You Can Read Minds?Matilda: "I couldn't understand why I didn't look like them. I just didn't get it so I became, so, um, I became..."
Derek Zoolander: "You can read minds?"
Since clearly Derek and Hansel see nothing wrong with throwing up after every meal, especially right before a big shoot or show, they are utterly perplexed when Matilda admits that she suffered from bulimia. To make matters worse, Derek confuses being bulimic with being someone who can read others' minds, which are two things that could not be more different from one another.