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Investigatory JournalistDerek Zoolander: "Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your 'do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way'?"
Poor Derek. While speaking to investigatory journalist Matilda, he falls into a never-ending circle of speech that seems to go on forever. Little does he know that Matilda is actually on his side, not trying to leave people dead and bloodied and dying along the way to make a name for herself as an investigatory journalist.
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AbodiginalsMatilda: "Uh, Derek, I don't know if you're familiar with the belief that some aboriginal tribes hold. It's the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul. I mean, what are your thoughts on that as someone who gets his picture taken for a living?"
Derek Zoolander: "Well, I guess I would have to answer your question with another question. How many abodiginals do you see modeling?"
Derek Zoolander may be an airhead but he certainly has a point in this scene from the opening of the film. I can't say that I've ever seen an abodoginal modeling, or an abodiginal doing anything really. Derek: 1, Matilda: 0.
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A Bad EugoogoolizerMatilda: "Derek? Derek, hey!"
Derek Zoolander: "What do you want?"
Matilda: "Actually, I'm trying to talk to Mugatu but he's tougher to get to than the president."
Derek Zoolander: "Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?"
Matilda: "A what?"
Derek Zoolander: "A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals."
(Matilda looks at Derek confused)
Derek Zoolander: "Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?"
It's a good thing that Derek Zoolander is really, really, really ridiculously good looking since as his creative pronunciation of eulogy, the speech he gave after his roommates all died in a freak gasoline fight accident, isn't going to win him a Nobel Prize anytime soon.
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Why Do You Hate Male Models, Matilda?Derek Zoolander: "Why do you hate models, Matilda?"
Matilda: "I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered."
Hansel: "I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?"
For a couple of male models who moments earlier were sworn enemies, Hansel and Derek Zoolander certainly make a good team when they pair up against Matilda for some highly stimulating talks. That's not the only thing they tag-team in the film but that's all we can describe in the PG version here.
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MermanDerek Zoolander: (Speaking in a television commercial) "Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty."
Larry Zoolander: "Why'd you have to come back to this town?"
Derek Zoolander: "I wanted to create a new life for myself. I'm sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure, that my hair looks better done up with gel and mousse than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it. All I ever wanted to do was make you proud of me, pop."
Larry Zoolander: "With what?!? Your male modeling?!? Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see?!? You're dead to me boy. You're more dead to me than your dead mother. I just thank the lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid."
Derek Zoolander: "Merman!" (coughs) "MERMAN!"
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