Commandments - the ten most important ones. The 10 commandments of MAN LAW. The rules that every man needs to know. Because, honestly, there are some things you just don't do. (Honorable mentions include drinking the last beer w/o calling it first, showing another man your canker sore or bringing a food item with less than 300 calories per serving to a Super Bowl Party.) Let's get started.
November 20, 2009
Warning: the following shocking, graphic images make H1N1 look like a case of the sniffles. These are truly the 10 most gruesome and gory things that can happen to the human body. Bonus points if you make it past picture #5 without puking at least a little bit.
November 04, 2009
Between Tarantino's "Inglourious Basterds" and the new "Wolfenstein" game I've been pretty pumped up on the idea of killing Nazis lately. Got me thinking, if I needed to hire a crew to take out the Third Reich who would I hire? Several names come to mind, but seeing as how I favor the "slow and painful" path to death, this must read like the A-list at Pelican Bay: exclusive and dangerous. Feel free to rearrange the list or add your own and help us build our Nazi killing crew!
October 27, 2009
Fire, Brimstone and Demons, oh my!
Reel Alert, movie fans: "Legion" is coming!! So grab your crucifix, black candles and pea soup because we're counting down the top 10 demonic/satanic/hellerific flicks in your possession.
(plus a few honorable mentions)
October 27, 2009
"Kid, I been from one side of this galaxy to the next; I've seen a lot of strange stuff..." - Han Solo
But I bet Solo didn't see any of THIS.
October 27, 2009
Record TV in advance, and your insomniac tendencies won't be a problem. Forget to DVR your HD cable, and you'll probably get stuck watching one of these commercials -- all of which could serve as an example of why it's bad to watch TV without a fast forward button at your fingertips. Unless of course you like having the $5 footlong tune stuck in your head all day. In which case, you and the creepy Six Flags guy are totally on your own.
October 27, 2009
2009 Halloween costumes: adults costume ideas for Halloween. Ideas for a costume are hard to find, adults costumes are even harder. Costume couple ideas are probably the hardest. Homemade costumes are probably your best bet in this case, since you have all the control. So, save your sanity and save your money for candy & pumpkin beer, because this list of 20 easy homemade couples costume ideas will have you and your significant other saying "Trick Or Treat" in no time.
October 27, 2009
Back in the days of lore, a visionary named Walt Disney created Disneyland. Little did he know what a pain in the ass it would become.
While our parents regale us with stories of E-Tickets, Mule Trains and $5 admissions, we have a more bitter view of what this park has really turned into.
Beginning with Eisner and continuing with the powers that be, this park is no longer The Happiest Place on Earth. It's not even The Second Happiest Place on Earth. It's now The Most Expensive Place on Earth.
Should you decide to beat the pavement with Mickey and Minnie, prepare to lose your wallet.
Your soul. Your SANITY.
October 27, 2009
Just like fantasies and fetishes, we've all got a play list we bring out when the mood strikes. Your soundtrack for sex can say a lot about you - maybe you're romantic and tender, or maybe you make like GSP and do a ground 'n pound (sweet!). Either way, break out the essentials and dim the lights: it's time for luuuuuuv.
October 27, 2009
Aaah, the joys of shopping at the supermarket. The endless array of products, the fresh produce, the name brands....the headaches, the congestion, the noise...the list could go on and on. I'm beginning to believe home delivery is the way to go and here's why....
October 27, 2009
Edward M. Kennedy's legacy. The major votes he participated in, bills Ted Kennedy passed and more. This is my tribute to the lion of the Senate. This memorial for Ted Kennedy can't even begin to do his legislative legacy justice, but as talk begins to turn to who will replace Senator Kennedy, I hope this helps serve as a guide to what he and his seat came to stand for.
October 27, 2009
If you really don't care about contracting a stalker, black eye or a disease, please, by all means, ignore the following. For everyone else hitting the hard drive and clawing the keyboard, dust off the web cam and break out the date book.
Here are seven rules for safe and entertaining online dating, with the presumption that you're want something other than sex. (see Craigslist.org)
October 27, 2009
Given that an entire generation of tweens and teens alike are currently spending their hard earned allowances on fake fangs and even faker emotions, let us pay tribute to the true blood-sucking pioneers who bled the way for the Cullen clan. In this list, it's good to suck.
November 05, 2009
Author Olivia Goldsmith once wrote "The secret to true happiness is a combination of low expectations and insensitivity." Given that most relationships are a combination of both of those, I'd say we should all be prancing naked in the streets, doling out hugs and chanting in tongues. But until I can find enough acid for everyone, here are some creative ways to truly kill a moment for someone.
October 27, 2009
Unless you have a job that doesn’t require actual work (porn star, executioner, congressman, pop star….professional athlete (kidding, slash not), reporting to work in the morning is on par with getting your nail ripped off: painful and difficult to recover from.
What most employers fail to realize that their drones do, in fact, have a life outside of their 4x4x4 cubicle and no, they will not come skipping into the office, breaking into song and whistling while they toil. So whilst your boss is rewriting your job manual for the third time this week, you can extricate yourself from yet one more day of doing his job for him….or at least try to.
Wow, these are really lousy.
October 27, 2009
In the large jungle of life, there is a certain order to things. Animals have their food chain; so do humans. While men and women may disagree on the ranking order of the menu, they must agree on the content. A woman has many roles in a man’s life – beginning with his mother and ending with his nurse. In this world, you are either refined or declined.
Let's start from the top and..um..go down.
October 27, 2009
For those of us who slave under the REAL Lumberg, "Office Space" was more than a comedy - it was a documentary. About us. All of us. The lone drones who run the reports. Who count the staples. Who bring the coffee. I believe the only normal people in the building are the janitor and the temp. We all work hard for a living, so why not read about ourselves? You might want to speed-read – I just saw our boss get up.
October 27, 2009
As the last few weeks of summer draw to a close, let us bask in the (late) rays of sunshine and fondly remember our favorite summer flicks. No, not what came out during the summer. But movies devoted to the 3 greatest summer past times: vacation, camp and sex.
October 27, 2009
In an effort to increase my own awesomeness, I've decided to hijack each of these identities and be cool for a day. Not for I the comic sidekicks and damsels in distress, nor the gay accessory or chick-flick-chick. Here there be kick-ass characters.
October 27, 2009
When I was 16, my brother swears he saw an alien outside our kitchen window. We didn't live on a farm, we lived in freaking suburbia. I'm not sure why he burst a kidney; odds are, the alien just wanted to borrow some eggs. Who am I to deny the E.T.'s of the world their weekly brownie? Anyway, strap on your metal helmet and try not to be a cinesnob.
October 27, 2009
Something tells me I should have included Tron in this list.
October 27, 2009
How many of us have left the movies disgusted because it was either 100% CGI or just 100% bullshit? There have been times I left the movies absolutely bitter because I knew the chances of ever having THAT superpower were about the same as a virgin surviving hell. Maybe I'm the lone realist in my universe, but there are several elements in movies I wish to my Holy Creator were reel. Get it? Reel? Nevermind, just read the damn list.
October 27, 2009
Alright ladies, with Valentine's Day right around the corner, it's time to get serious about making that relationship work. And yes, that means it's time for a little tough love. You know I'm only harsh because I care about you...
February 10, 2010
If I thought I could get away with it, I'd drop all of these fools on a desert island and draw bets as to who would die first. My money is on Pratt. He can't do a damn thing for himself. Perez would off himself and then commit suicide. Oh, wait, I'm spoiling the surprise (like you don't have a voodoo doll going already). Either way, I'm just sick of hearing about these guys.
October 27, 2009
Each generation is defined by an image. Perhaps for the 90’s it was the grunge movement. For the 80’s, the iconic figure of Madonna. For the 70’s, a techno and disco print. For the 60’s, a snapshot of Woodstock and on and on. You get the idea. For every 100 years, there is an event that defines a generation and for every event, there is an image that captures that moment. While you may not agree with the imagery listed here, you cannot deny amazing the endurance of their existence in pop culture.
October 27, 2009
As of August 7th, 2009, these ten amazing individuals are still giving the Grim Reaper the finger and laughing with mirth.
Either that, or Grimmy's somewhere in the tropics, having a beer and predicting death dates on the beach. "I'll be seeing you in 10 years..20 years...oh wow, 80 years...aaaaand I've got an appointment with you tomor - oh, crap, can't you let me finish my beer? *sigh*."
Let's have a round (or 100) for the age-defying relics of past, present and future decades.
October 27, 2009
C'mon, sing it with me: "Aaaaaaaalabama, Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado...Connecticut." For real, am I the only person who remembers the State Song from 6th grade? What about "Fifty Nifty United States"?
Whatevs. Should you decide to go prancing through any of these backyards, kindly remember that somewhere in the dark recesses of a vinyl and linoleum strewn police station, an 80 yr old volunteer peace officer is poring over a yellowing copy of their Civil/Penal/Vehicle/Municipal code book and lovingly fingering their gold-plated honorary badge.
And with the unemployment rate hitting 10%, I say we bring back some of these jobs.
(I demand kudos for doing 50 items in alphabetical order...it's a pain in the ass)
October 27, 2009
This isn't about stats or records. This isn't about attitude or principles.
This is about me wishing Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg would shut up for two seconds and, even more importantly, that I had TiVo.
I never miss a fight.
I think Josh Koscheck's hair need to be shaved.
I think the featherweights need a Big Mac.
I want Anderson to go up against Kongo (it'll never happen)
My point being, while the sport ain't all about who qualifies as eye candy, this list IS.
You are now free to drool.
October 27, 2009
They call them horrific torture devices, but I can think of several people who would deserve a few hours on at least one.
Pens out, please.
October 27, 2009
Think "Office Space" - but worse. Bad bosses. Lazy coworkers. Dimwitted customers. A job from hell.
True Story: I work in a call center and, as most of you know, there is no fate worse than this.
Every day poses the same question: How did I get here and how do I get out?
Dealing with this bullshit makes me want to slap my boss upside the head and scream in her ear: I Have Feelings! As far as I'm concerned, she can take her "So go get a cup of coffee" smirk and shove it up her nose-ridden ass.
The following types of callers are real, as are the dialogues. In fact, I think I took 90% of these this morning alone.
If you've ever worked in a call center, you understand. You get the pain. You fee the anguish. The DING of the incoming call chime is worse than nails on a chalkboard - it's nails on a chalkboard, your fingers being cut on a torn tin can, dust in your eyes, salt in the wound and dirty underwear.
There's nothing worse. NOTHING. Those commercials of happy people "..just WAITING to take YOUR call!!" are faker than a model with a personality.
Wait. Faker than all the boobs at Vivid Entertainment.
Wait. Faker than the Los Angeles mayor.
No, no. I really got it this time.
Faker than a call center rep calling in sick on MONDAY.
October 27, 2009
