Quotations The Best Groucho Marx Quotes  

1.8k votes 520 voters 38.7k views 32 items

List Rules Must be a famous or well-known quote. If a quote is cut off you can hover over the text to see the full quote.

A list of the best Groucho Marx quotes. This list is arranged by which famous Groucho Marx quotes have received the most votes, so only the greatest Groucho Marx quotes are at the top of the list. All the most popular quotes from Groucho Marx should be listed here, but if any were missed you can add more at the end of the list. This list includes notable Groucho Marx quotes on various subjects, many of which are inspirational and thought provoking.

This list answers the questions, "What are the best Groucho Marx quotes?" and "What is the most famous Groucho Marx quote?"

You can see what subjects these historic Groucho Marx quotes fall under displayed to the right of the quote. Be sure to vote so your favorite Groucho Marx saying won't fall to the bottom of the list.

143 19
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. Groucho Marx

126 17
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. Groucho Marx

81 9
MarcSherman added Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

86 12
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana Groucho Marx

76 11
dean-scott added Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

62 9
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. Groucho Marx

70 12
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx

70 12
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty. Groucho Marx

62 10
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book. Groucho Marx

51 7
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Groucho Marx

50 7
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women. Groucho Marx

61 11
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early. Groucho Marx

47 7
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age. Groucho Marx

59 12
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx

54 10
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. Groucho Marx

43 7
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. Groucho Marx

51 12
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. Groucho Marx

39 8
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked. Groucho Marx

39 8
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. Groucho Marx

15 1
vmstewart22 added I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas, I don't know.

34 7
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. Groucho Marx

36 9
Hello, I Must Be Going Groucho Marx

29 5
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. Groucho Marx

30 7
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. Groucho Marx

28 9
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man. Groucho Marx

26 10
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. Groucho Marx

21 7
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar. Groucho Marx

18 6
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. Groucho Marx

25 13
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. Groucho Marx

21 11
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right. Groucho Marx

8 1
Muhammad Talha Khan added Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

26 22
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. Groucho Marx