• Quotations

The Best Groucho Marx Quotes

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A list of the best Groucho Marx quotes. This list is arranged by which famous Groucho Marx quotes have received the most votes, so only the greatest Groucho Marx quotes are at the top of the list. All the most popular quotes from Groucho Marx should be listed here, but if any were missed you can add more at the end of the list. This list includes notable Groucho Marx quotes on various subjects, many of which are inspirational and thought provoking.

This list answers the questions, "What are the best Groucho Marx quotes?" and "What is the most famous Groucho Marx quote?"

You can see what subjects these historic Groucho Marx quotes fall under displayed to the right of the quote. Be sure to vote so your favorite Groucho Marx saying won't fall to the bottom of the list.
  • 1
    214
    14

    Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

    Groucho Marx
  • 2
    231
    27

    I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

    Groucho Marx
  • 3
    169
    8

    One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

    Groucho Marx
  • 4
    125
    6

    Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

    Groucho Marx
  • 5
    209
    57

    I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

    Groucho Marx
  • 6
    112
    9

    The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

    Groucho Marx
  • 7
    119
    15

    I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.

    Groucho Marx
  • 8
    122
    18

    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

    Groucho Marx
  • 9
    130
    24

    Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

    Groucho Marx
  • 10
    117
    17

    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  • 11
    152
    44

    Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

  • 12
  • 13
    98
    18

    I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

    Groucho Marx
  • 14
    106
    27

    I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas, I don't know.

  • 15
    98
    22

    I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

    Groucho Marx
  • 16
    113
    34

    If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

    Groucho Marx
  • 17
    74
    10

    Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.

    Groucho Marx
  • 18
    95
    28

    No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.

    Groucho Marx
  • 19
    126
    51

    Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  • 20
    71
    11

    There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.

    Groucho Marx
  • 21
    121
    52

    Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

    Groucho Marx
  • 22
    91
    29

    From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

    Groucho Marx
  • 23
    90
    28

    Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

    Groucho Marx
  • 24
    89
    43

    I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

    Groucho Marx
  • 25
    72
    29

    Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

    Groucho Marx