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The Best Groucho Marx Quotes

Updated June 14, 2019 3.9k votes 788 voters 43.8k views32 items

List RulesMust be a famous or well-known quote. If a quote is cut off you can hover over the text to see the full quote.

A list of the best Groucho Marx quotes. This list is arranged by which famous Groucho Marx quotes have received the most votes, so only the greatest Groucho Marx quotes are at the top of the list. All the most popular quotes from Groucho Marx should be listed here, but if any were missed you can add more at the end of the list. This list includes notable Groucho Marx quotes on various subjects, many of which are inspirational and thought provoking.

This list answers the questions, "What are the best Groucho Marx quotes?" and "What is the most famous Groucho Marx quote?"

You can see what subjects these historic Groucho Marx quotes fall under displayed to the right of the quote. Be sure to vote so your favorite Groucho Marx saying won't fall to the bottom of the list.
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  • 1
    262
    30

    I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

    Groucho Marx
  • 2
    240
    26

    I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

    Groucho Marx
  • 3
    172
    20

    Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

  • 4
    144
    18

    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

    Groucho Marx
  • 5
    139
    16

    I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.

    Groucho Marx
  • 6
    148
    24

    Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  • 7
    131
    15

    If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

    Groucho Marx
  • 8
    136
    18

    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  • 9
    123
    14

    I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas, I don't know.

  • 10
    137
    24

    Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

    Groucho Marx
  • 11
    113
    11

    No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.

    Groucho Marx
  • 12
    104
    11

    Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

    Groucho Marx
  • 13
    105
    13

    From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

    Groucho Marx
  • 14
    111
    20

    I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

    Groucho Marx
  • 15
    104
    19

    I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

    Groucho Marx
  • 16
    84
    10

    Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.

    Groucho Marx
  • 17
    79
    7

    One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

    Groucho Marx
  • 18
    90
    15

    Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

    Groucho Marx
  • 19
    105
    26
  • 20
    82
    13

    Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

    Groucho Marx
  • 21
    98
    29

    Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

    Groucho Marx
  • 22
    60
    5

    Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

    Groucho Marx
  • 23
    71
    17

    Hello, I Must Be Going

    Groucho Marx
  • 24
    81
    30

    There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.

    Groucho Marx
  • 25
    53
    9

    Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

    Groucho Marx
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