film directors The Best Woody Allen Quotes  

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A list of the best Woody Allen quotes. This list is arranged by which famous Woody Allen quotes have received the most votes, so only the greatest Woody Allen quotes are at the top of the list. All the most popular quotes from Woody Allen should be listed here, but if any were missed you can add more at the end of the list. This list includes notable Woody Allen quotes on various subjects, many of which are inspirational and thought provoking.

This list answers the questions, "What are the best Woody Allen quotes?" and "What is the most famous Woody Allen quote?"

You can see what subjects these historic Woody Allen quotes fall under displayed to the right of the quote. Be sure to vote so your favorite Woody Allen saying won't fall to the bottom of the list.

19 0
Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen

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19 0
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen

17 0
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen

15 0
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. Woody Allen

25 1
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen

13 0
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen

23 1
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen

12 0
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. Woody Allen

11 0
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. Woody Allen

10 0
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Woody Allen

16 1
My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else. Woody Allen

9 0
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead. Woody Allen

9 0
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen

14 1
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.. Woody Allen

8 0
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen

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17 2
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. Woody Allen

12 1
I am at two with nature. Woody Allen

18 3
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. Woody Allen

15 2
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. Woody Allen

11 1
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen

6 0
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Woody Allen

6 0
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats. Woody Allen

12 2
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen

10 1
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. Woody Allen

10 1
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen

13 4
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen

9 1
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. Woody Allen

10 2
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? Woody Allen

8 1
Marriage is the death of hope. Woody Allen

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8 1
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. Woody Allen

7 1
Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV? Woody Allen

5 0
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they left things. Woody Allen

5 0
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. Woody Allen

5 0
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. Woody Allen

4 0
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot. Woody Allen

4 0
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. Woody Allen

4 0
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Woody Allen

3 0
It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic. Woody Allen

3 0
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down. Woody Allen

3 0
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. Woody Allen