Quotations The Best Woody Allen Quotes  

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517 votes 114 voters 18.7k views 40 items

List Rules Must be a famous or well-known quote. If a quote is cut off you can hover over the text to see the full quote.

A list of the best Woody Allen quotes. This list is arranged by which famous Woody Allen quotes have received the most votes, so only the greatest Woody Allen quotes are at the top of the list. All the most popular quotes from Woody Allen should be listed here, but if any were missed you can add more at the end of the list. This list includes notable Woody Allen quotes on various subjects, many of which are inspirational and thought provoking.

This list answers the questions, "What are the best Woody Allen quotes?" and "What is the most famous Woody Allen quote?"

You can see what subjects these historic Woody Allen quotes fall under displayed to the right of the quote. Be sure to vote so your favorite Woody Allen saying won't fall to the bottom of the list.

1
20 0
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen

2
27 1
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen

3
14 0
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen

4
25 1
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen

5
22 1
Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen

6
20 1
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen

7
11 0
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen

8
16 1
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.. Woody Allen

9
15 1
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. Woody Allen

10
17 2
My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else. Woody Allen

11
19 3
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. Woody Allen

12
12 1
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. Woody Allen

13
18 3
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. Woody Allen

14
11 1
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. Woody Allen

15
11 1
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen

16
15 3
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. Woody Allen

17
13 2
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen

18
13 2
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen

19
12 2
I am at two with nature. Woody Allen

20
14 4
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen

21
10 1
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. Woody Allen

22
10 1
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Woody Allen

23
11 2
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. Woody Allen

24
11 2
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? Woody Allen

25
9 1
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen

26
9 1
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead. Woody Allen

27
10 2
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. Woody Allen

28
9 2
Marriage is the death of hope. Woody Allen

29
5 0
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Woody Allen

30
6 1
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Woody Allen

31
7 2
Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV? Woody Allen

32
6 1
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats. Woody Allen

33
5 1
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. Woody Allen

34
5 1
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot. Woody Allen

35
5 1
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. Woody Allen

36
5 1
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they left things. Woody Allen

37
5 1
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. Woody Allen

38
3 1
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. Woody Allen

39
3 1
It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic. Woody Allen

40
3 2
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down. Woody Allen