The Best Woody Allen Quotes  

539 votes 120 voters 18.8k views 40 items

List Rules Must be a famous or well-known quote. If a quote is cut off you can hover over the text to see the full quote.

A list of the best Woody Allen quotes. This list is arranged by which famous Woody Allen quotes have received the most votes, so only the greatest Woody Allen quotes are at the top of the list. All the most popular quotes from Woody Allen should be listed here, but if any were missed you can add more at the end of the list. This list includes notable Woody Allen quotes on various subjects, many of which are inspirational and thought provoking.

This list answers the questions, "What are the best Woody Allen quotes?" and "What is the most famous Woody Allen quote?"

You can see what subjects these historic Woody Allen quotes fall under displayed to the right of the quote. Be sure to vote so your favorite Woody Allen saying won't fall to the bottom of the list.
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.. Woody Allen
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else. Woody Allen
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. Woody Allen
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. Woody Allen
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. Woody Allen
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. Woody Allen
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. Woody Allen
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen
I am at two with nature. Woody Allen
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Woody Allen
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. Woody Allen
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead. Woody Allen