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A Million Ways to Die in the West Movie Quotes

Updated November 6, 2017 142 votes 104 voters 61.8k views9 items

"A Million Ways to Die in the West" movie quotes break down just how dangerous it was to live in the West in the 1800s. The comedy film was directed by Seth MacFarlane using a screenplay he co-wrote with Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild. "A Million Ways to Die in the West" opened in the United States on May 30, 2014.

In "A Million Ways to Die in the West," Albert (MacFarlane) is a sheep farmer in Arizona in 1882. He has a girl, Louise (Amanda Seyfried), but she leaves him thinking that he's a coward. To make matters worse, living in that time period is dangerous with literally a million things around that can kill you. Life in the West simply is not great.

Things take a turn for the better for Albert when a new woman, Anna (Charlize Theron), comes to town. Anna gives Albert the confidence to bounce back and urges him to take part in the gun fight against the most infamous criminal in all the land, Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), who also happens to be her husband. Of all the ways to die in the West, Albert will have to have luck and skill to survive this battle.

Sarah Silverman, Giovanni Ribisi and Neil Patrick Harris co-star in the comedy.

"A Million Ways to Die in the West" joins already busy Memorial Day 2014 theaters also showing movies such as "Maleficent," "Blended," "X-Men: Days of Future Past," "The Immigrant," "The Love Punch, "The Angriest Man in Brooklyn, "Million Dollar Arm," "Godzilla," "Palo Alto," "Chef," "Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return Movie Quotes," "Neighbors," "Moms' Night Out," "Devil's Knot," "Belle," "Walk of Shame," and "The Amazing Spider-Man 2." 
  • 1

    You've Never Seen One?

    Photo: Wikimedia Commons / CC-BY

    Ruth: "You've never seen one?"
    Edward: "No, I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something."
    Ruth: "All right, you ready?"
    Edward: [heavy breathing] "Okay, I'm going to close the bible now."

    Edward is a virgin and is getting to see the first naked woman of his life with Ruth. Well, at least he could if he does not hyperventilate first.
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  • 2

    Please Don't Shoot Us On Sex Night

    Video: YouTube

    Clinch Leatherwood: "Somebody in this town is going to die."

    Edward: "Please don't shoot us on sex night."

    When Clinch Leatherwood comes to town and talks about killing someone, Edward hopes that he's not Clinch's target. Come on, who shoots someone on sex night, anyway?
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  • 3

    Hey, Look! It's the Ice!

    Video: YouTube

    Edward: "Hey, look! It's the ice! Why is it so big?"
    Albert: "So it doesn't melt. It's actually really interesting how they do it. It's this one company out in Boston that…" [ice falls, killing a man] "Ohh! That went south so fast!"

    Pastor Wilson: "James, we will think of you as we sip the cold summer beverages for which you gave your life."
    Albert: "They're still going to use the f***ing ice!"

    Edward and Albert witness one way to die in the West, falling ice. While they are intrigued to see the giant ice block in their town, especially that it came all the way from Boston, the moment is lost when one of the town's men is killed in the process. Of course, they still use the ice.
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  • 4

    People Die at the Fair

    Albert: "Welcome to our awesome town!"
    Anna: "What's with this fair?"
    Albert: "Every year people die!"
    Anna: "Really? … People die at the fair."
    Albert: "People die at the fair."

    Albert cozies up with the town's newest resident, Anna. She is interested in their county fair and is surprised that it's so deadly.
    Should this be higher or lower?