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The Best Accounting Jokes

Updated June 14, 2019 1.7k votes 788 voters 24.9k views25 items

List RulesVote up any funny joke about accouting or accountants

It’s hard to think of a group of people that seem to be more boring than accountants, but if these accounting jokes are anything to judge by, they might be more fun than the world has given them credit for. When people think of math they don’t immediately go to accounting humor but after reading this list of funny accounting jokes you’ll never make that mistake again. Maybe you can even use some of these good accounting jokes the next time you pay a visit to your CPA – you might even get a discount if you make them laugh! These funny jokes about accounting are sure to lift your spirits whether or not it’s tax season, so take a break from your day and get your laugh on.

Accountants, actuaries, and economists – they may sound like a dreary group of people, but after reading this list of accountant puns and jokes you’ll rethink your whole idea of someone who works with numbers. After all, don’t you think you’d like to unwind after a long day of crunching numbers? And what better way to let your hair down than telling some good clean jokes about accountants. For an extra special bonus, run some of these accountant jokes by any of your money minded friends at your next ice cream social and see if you can get them laughing. Vote on your favorite jokes about accounting, and if you have some cute accounting jokes in your abacus then feel free to leave them in the comments.
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  • 1
    Why Don't Accountants Read Nov is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    74
    42

    Why Don't Accountants Read Novels?

    Because the only numbers in them are page numbers. 
  • 2
    Old Accountants Never Die is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    89
    67

    Old Accountants Never Die

    They just lose their balance! 
  • 3
    Why Do Accountants Make Good L is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    98
    80

    Why Do Accountants Make Good Lovers

    They're great with figures. 
  • 4
    What's the Difference Between  is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    79
    61

    What's the Difference Between an Accountant and a Lawyer?

    The accountant knows he's boring.
  • 5
    Why Did God Create Economists? is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    47
    33

    Why Did God Create Economists?

    So accountants could have someone to laugh at. 
  • 6
    What Does an Accountant Use Fo is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    60
    47

    What Does an Accountant Use For Birth Control?

    His personality.
  • 7
    Why are Accounting Departments is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    51
    43

    Why are Accounting Departments So Welcoming?

    Because everyone counts.
  • 8
    If an Accountant's Wife Can't  is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
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    32

    If an Accountant's Wife Can't Sleep, What Does She Say?

    "Darling, could you tell me about your work?" 

  • 9
    Why Was the Accountant Excited is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    25
    16

    Why Was the Accountant Excited When He Finished a Jigsaw Puzzle in 59 Weeks?

    Because on the box it said 8-12 Years. 

  • 10
    What Do You Call An Accountant is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    42
    41

    What Do You Call An Accountant Who Speaks to One Person a Day?

    Popular.
  • 11
    When Does a Person Decide to B is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    24
    19

    When Does a Person Decide to Become an Accountant?

    When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker. 

  • 12
    How Can You Tell You've Found  is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
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    35

    How Can You Tell You've Found a Good Tax Accountant?

    He has a loophole named after him. 
  • 13
    How Do You Know When an Accoun is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    29
    31

    How Do You Know When an Accountant is on Holiday?

    He doesn't wear a tie and comes in after 8am! 

  • 14
    What's an Extroverted Accounta is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    25
    26

    What's an Extroverted Accountant?

    One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own. 

  • 15
    What's the Definition of Accou is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    37
    42

    What's the Definition of Accountant?

    Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand. 
  • 16
    Why Did the Accountant Stare a is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    14
    12

    Why Did the Accountant Stare at His Glass of Orange Juice for 3 Hours

    Because on the box it said Concentrate. 

  • 17
    What's an Actuary? is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
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    11

    What's an Actuary?

    An accountant without the sense of humor. 

  • 18
    How Do You Drive an Accountant is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    13
    12

    How Do You Drive an Accountant Insane?

    Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way. 

  • 19
    What Does an Accountant Say Wh is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    15
    15

    What Does an Accountant Say When You Ask Him the Time?

    It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait...... 

  • 20
    What's the Difference Between  is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    16
    16

    What's the Difference Between Sperm and an Accountant?

    The sperm has a 1 in 250,000 chance of becoming human. 

  • 21
    What Do Actuaries Do to Liven  is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    11
    11

    What Do Actuaries Do to Liven up a Party?

    Invite an accountant.
  • 22
    What Do Accountants do For Fun is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    25
    31

    What Do Accountants do For Fun?

    Add the phone book!
  • 23
    Why Do Accountants Decide to B is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    7
    22

    Why Do Accountants Decide to Become Actuaries?

    They find bookkeeping too exciting. 
  • 24
    Where Do Homeless Accountants  is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    9
    29

    Where Do Homeless Accountants Live?

    In a tax shelter.
  • 25
    What's the Worst Thing a Group is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The Best Accounting Jokes
    6
    28

    What's the Worst Thing a Group of Young Accountants Can Do?

    Go into town and gang-audit someone. 
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