The Best Accounting Jokes

List Rules
Vote up any funny joke about accouting or accountants

It’s hard to think of a group of people that seem to be more boring than accountants, but if these accounting jokes are anything to judge by, they might be more fun than the world has given them credit for. When people think of math they don’t immediately go to accounting humor but after reading this list of funny accounting jokes you’ll never make that mistake again. Maybe you can even use some of these good accounting jokes the next time you pay a visit to your CPA – you might even get a discount if you make them laugh! These funny jokes about accounting are sure to lift your spirits whether or not it’s tax season, so take a break from your day and get your laugh on.

Accountants, actuaries, and economists – they may sound like a dreary group of people, but after reading this list of accountant puns and jokes you’ll rethink your whole idea of someone who works with numbers. After all, don’t you think you’d like to unwind after a long day of crunching numbers? And what better way to let your hair down than telling some good clean jokes about accountants. For an extra special bonus, run some of these accountant jokes by any of your money minded friends at your next ice cream social and see if you can get them laughing. Vote on your favorite jokes about accounting, and if you have some cute accounting jokes in your abacus then feel free to leave them in the comments.
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  • Old Accountants Never Die
    1

    Old Accountants Never Die

    They just lose their balance! 
  • What's an Actuary?
    2

    What's an Actuary?

    An accountant without the sense of humor. 

  • What's the Difference Between an Accountant and a Lawyer?
    3

    What's the Difference Between an Accountant and a Lawyer?

    The accountant knows he's boring.
  • What Does an Accountant Use For Birth Control?
    4

    What Does an Accountant Use For Birth Control?

    His personality.
  • Why Did God Create Economists?
    5

    Why Did God Create Economists?

    So accountants could have someone to laugh at. 
  • If an Accountant's Wife Can't Sleep, What Does She Say?
    6

    If an Accountant's Wife Can't Sleep, What Does She Say?

    "Darling, could you tell me about your work?" 

  • What Do You Call An Accountant Who Speaks to One Person a Day?
    7

    What Do You Call An Accountant Who Speaks to One Person a Day?

    Popular.
  • How Can You Tell You've Found a Good Tax Accountant?
    8

    How Can You Tell You've Found a Good Tax Accountant?

    He has a loophole named after him. 
  • When Does a Person Decide to Become an Accountant?
    9

    When Does a Person Decide to Become an Accountant?

    When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker. 

  • What Do Actuaries Do to Liven up a Party?
    10

    What Do Actuaries Do to Liven up a Party?

    Invite an accountant.
  • Why Do Accountants Make Good Lovers
    11

    Why Do Accountants Make Good Lovers

    They're great with figures. 
  • Why Was the Accountant Excited When He Finished a Jigsaw Puzzle in 59 Weeks?
    12

    Why Was the Accountant Excited When He Finished a Jigsaw Puzzle in 59 Weeks?

    Because on the box it said 8-12 Years. 

  • Where Do Homeless Accountants Live?
    13

    Where Do Homeless Accountants Live?

    In a tax shelter.
  • What's the Definition of Accountant?
    14

    What's the Definition of Accountant?

    Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand. 
  • Why Did the Accountant Stare at His Glass of Orange Juice for 3 Hours
    15

    Why Did the Accountant Stare at His Glass of Orange Juice for 3 Hours

    Because on the box it said Concentrate. 

  • How Do You Drive an Accountant Insane?
    16

    How Do You Drive an Accountant Insane?

    Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way. 

  • How Do You Know When an Accountant is on Holiday?
    17

    How Do You Know When an Accountant is on Holiday?

    He doesn't wear a tie and comes in after 8am! 

  • What's an Extroverted Accountant?
    18

    What's an Extroverted Accountant?

    One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own. 

  • What's the Difference Between Sperm and an Accountant?
    19

    What's the Difference Between Sperm and an Accountant?

    The sperm has a 1 in 250,000 chance of becoming human. 

  • What Does an Accountant Say When You Ask Him the Time?
    20

    What Does an Accountant Say When You Ask Him the Time?

    It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait...... 

  • Why are Accounting Departments So Welcoming?
    21

    Why are Accounting Departments So Welcoming?

    Because everyone counts.
  • Why Don't Accountants Read Novels?
    22

    Why Don't Accountants Read Novels?

    Because the only numbers in them are page numbers. 
  • What Do Accountants do For Fun?
    23

    What Do Accountants do For Fun?

    Add the phone book!
  • Why Do Accountants Decide to Become Actuaries?
    24

    Why Do Accountants Decide to Become Actuaries?

    They find bookkeeping too exciting. 
  • What's the Worst Thing a Group of Young Accountants Can Do?
    25

    What's the Worst Thing a Group of Young Accountants Can Do?

    Go into town and gang-audit someone.