Food

20+ Things McDonald's Should Put in Happy Meals for Grown-Ups 

Jason Robbins
Updated May 30, 2017 2.3k votes 356 voters 7.1k views 22 items

List Rules Vote up the items you would most want to find in adult McDonald's Happy Meals.

What would you want in a grown-up happy meal??

The cheap little toys that accompany McDonald's Happy Meals seem to be a source of great joy to children (not the children making the toys overseas; the children eating the Happy Meals), so why not dream up some things McDonald's should put in adult Happy Meals that would get us even more excited for our Big Macs? After all, why should kids have all the fun? We deserve rewards for eating poorly, too!

But what would put a smile on an adult's face when opening that magic meal box? Certainly not a plastic ninja turtle, or a Lego toy made from the company's irregular-fitting blocks. Adults have a very different idea about what makes for a good time than their pint-sized offspring.

Here are some things that should be in McDonald's Happy Meals for grown-ups, should they ever choose to offer any. Vote up the things that would make YOU a more satisfied consumer of the big M's food.

list ordered by
1
Xanax
2
"The Hamburglar grabbed my buns!" T-shirt
3
Combo meal-specific wine pairings
4
Officer Big Mac pepper spray
5
Hamburglar-themed sex toys (Collect them all!)
6
Antacids
7
Uncle O'Grimacey memorial beer bottle opener
8
Condoms (stamped with the M insignia for quality assurance)
9
Bottle of special sauce-flavored vodka
10
An amuse-bouche joint
11
"What the hell is Grimace?" storybook, telling of how the amorphous, fuzzy purple muppet thing came to be
12
Ambien
13
Birdie the Early Bird foam middle finger
14
Student loan forbearance forms
15
"Popcorn is an unnatural form for chicken!" Anti-KFC sticker
16
Cholesterol medication
17
Mayor McCheese official staff "Udder Inspector" badge
18
"Our redhead is sexier than theirs!" Anti-Wendy's sticker
19
The McNugget Buddies anatomically correct orgy action playset
20
"Americans elect mayors, not kings!" Anti-Burger King sticker
21
"Where are they now?" pamphlet, describing the adult lives of the Fry Kids and how you can donate money toward their insulin and rehab expenses
22
"Make Your Own Chicken Nuggets" kit, consisting of breading packet, rat poison, scalpel, nugget baller, and "White Meat" food coloring