Posted on Reddit by u/Wedding_dilemmaOct22:
I shall try and keep this short, though I have a tendency to ramble and add more than necessary info so I apologize ahead of time. Also, I'm on mobile. Anyway, I'm supposed to be getting married early October 2022. It's not gonna be a big wedding or anything, but me and my fiance both have friends that we dont want to leave out.
I have this friend (Amanda). We have known each other since highschool, and we arent incredibly close by any means but we are still somewhat good friends and hang out regularly and I would like her to be there. The problem is, I just recently found out who she is now dating and she wants to bring him as her plus one.
My sister (Lily) and her ex (Steve) broke up about 10 months ago, because she found out he was cheating. She was heartbroken, and I know along with that pain she still has a lot of resentment for him and doesnt even like hearing his name. He was a sh*t boyfriend so my family has no problem with him no longer being in our lives.
8 months ago, Amanda told me she had started talking to someone and she really liked him and everything. She wouldnt tell me who, not even his name, because she said she didnt wanna share anything about him till it got more serious. I didnt really understand the secrecy, but didnt force her to tell me anything and just let her know I was happy for her and hope it all worked out.
Well last week, she told me she was dating Steve. They had gotten more serious and she wanted to make their relationship public to the people they care about. She also said she knew how much I disliked him and what he had done to my sister, and hoped I would try to understand their love and be happy for her and try to see him in a different light. I was a little shocked at first, since I really didnt expect her to be with a guy like him, and she knew what kind of person and boyfriend he was. But it isnt my place, and I told her that I'm happy shes happy, and that was that. Well two days later, we are texting about the wedding and everything and she mentions steve being her plus one. I do not want him there. Not only because I know my sister, who's my moh, doesnt want him there, but also because I dont like him and neither does my fiance.
I immediately told her that Steve was not invited to the wedding. She was confused, and I explained to her that I was sorry, and I'm happy for her, but I didnt want him there. At first she thought it was just because my sister would be, and kept saying that they wouldnt even be near each other and it would be fine. But then i explained that with everything that happened, we didnt want him there. I said sorry again, but she kept saying how I dont want her to be happy, how I just want to live in the past, how I want to punish her for finding love, stuff like that. None of that is true, and I tried to tell her that but she stopped responding.
So now I'm left feeling like a complete *sshole and i dont know if i should just let steve come or not.
Edit/Update(?): First of all, I want to thank everyone sm for commenting and giving judgment. I know I havent replied to everyone but I tried to give any extra info that was asked for or relevant, though I am sorry if I didnt reply to you ❤.
Now, as I have mentioned in the comments, I had a lapse in my judgment and that's what lead to this post. I thought maybe I was seeing things simply from my distaste for Steve and it was coming off as I wasnt supportive of Amanda and that's what made me think I was wrong for not allowing him to come. But I see now, I am completely in the right to not have or want him there so he will not be invited and that wont be changing. With Amanda, I have pretty much decided that she is no longer invited to my wedding and I'm pretty sure I'm ending the friendship, but I wanted to sit down with her and have a conversation first. Not to salvage anything, but I have some things to say to her and questions to ask.
With the cheating; I mentioned in the comments that we only know of 3 girls steve cheated with. We all believe there are more, especially since one of the affairs goes all the way back to a year (they were together for 2), but we dont know for sure and have no solid evidence atm, and Lily doesnt care to find any. Amanda could very well be one of the unknown affair partners, it's very likely and the timing and secrecy make more sense to believe she was. Even though I intend to end this friendship, and I'm finding it hard to believe that Steve wasnt cheating with her, it would still suck if she had been. Another thing I mentioned in the comments was that Amanda had offered support to my sister when everything happened, she even said more than once that 'Steve was an *sshole for hurting Lily', and for that to most likely had been an act would suck lol.
I would also like to clear up something about Amanda and her wanting to 'make their relationship public's. Right after she told me they were dating, she started posting them of social media and telling people, so my wedding wouldnt really be their coming out event, though it would definitely be a way for them to show off their relationship and gloat and everything. Still not okay, but just wanted to clear it up and not mislead anyone.
Last thing lol: I was finally able to get a respond out of Amanda. I told her I would like to talk to her about everything and get everything out in the open, and she has agreed to meet with me and talk. Sooo I shall update when that happens.