Graveyard Shift
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Which Of The Thirteen Ghosts Are You Based On Your Zodiac Sign?

Updated February 22, 2021 52.0k views12 items

So, who remembers Thirteen Ghosts (sometimes stylized as Thir13en Ghosts), the 2001 horror moving starring Tony Shalhoub and a whole mess of creepy spirits? It's a forgotten gem that strikes the perfect balance of scares and wacky action. In one scene, a jerk lawyer somehow gets sliced in half by a glass door and the front part of his body squeaks down the pane, revealing his bisected brain. It's gory and shocking, but also strangely funny, which is a perfect way to describe the tone of the movie.

The most interesting feature of Thirteen Ghosts, of course, is the eponymous group of merciless spirits that are released into the house and terrorize the unwitting family. All 13 are earthbound spirits chosen to represent a group called "the Black Zodiac," and each "sign" has its own distinguishing features. Among them are ghosts like "the Bound Woman," a cheerleader slayed by her jealous boyfriend on prom night, and "The Angry Princess," a woman who ended her own life after a botched self-surgery.

After getting to know all of the dark zodiac signs, the next natural thought is to wonder which of these ghosts coincides with the signs of the traditional zodiac. Find out which of the 13 ghosts you are based on your star sign.

  • The Dire Mother: Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

    A Sagittarian's generous nature can be easily exploited by those who don't know when enough is enough. Sagittarians are known for their boundless affection and indulgent tendencies. Their loyalty is also nothing short of devotional. Though they may often make gaffes and blunders of speech, they have big hearts and aren't afraid to share them.

    As Sags, though, you may recognize people trying to take advantage of your naturally caring nature. The Dire Mother fell into the pattern of overindulging her child to the extreme.

  • The Hammer: Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

    Capricorns are among the most responsible, disciplined, and principled signs in the zodiac. They have a clear sense of right and wrong, and with that comes a deep dignity. The Hammer was once a peaceful and industrious blacksmith, but his life fell apart when he was wrongfully accused of theft. With their strong moral sense and steadfast judgment, Capricorns will stand their ground if they know they are in the right.

    The Hammer knew he had done nothing wrong, but the townsfolk still turned on him, eventually going so far as slaying his family. Vengeance arrived swiftly when the target struck back with his massive hammer against the vicious townspeople, which in turn escalated to his cruel demise. Capricorns would rather go down in flames than live a slanderous falsehood.

  • The Jackal: Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

    The Jackal is what happens when the quiet madness of the Aquarian mind finally snaps. In life, the Jackal was ruthless, with an insatiable bloodlust. He eventually turned himself into an institution, where he was kept under lock and key. Even in this controlled environment, he could not control his aggressive urges and went after the staff time and time again.

    Eventually, he came to be locked in the bowels of the asylum, restrained and cut off from the world. This led to him reviling all forms of human contact; he would scream and lash out at any who approached. Aquarians are naturally solitary creatures and can often feel isolated from the rest of the world. Their immutable personalities, deep minds, and sharp intellects set them far apart from others... and not always in the best ways.

  • The Juggernaut: Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

    Pisceans know they're weird and distant, but they'd really rather not be treated like it. From early in life, the Juggernaut suffered from being ostracized due to his massive stature. He grew up with his father as his only friend, working at the family junkyard. When you're a Pisces, you find deep meaning in knowing where you belong; when deprived of this sense, you can travel down difficult paths. With Pisceans' tendency to be led astray by an overactive imagination, they can find themselves in terrible mental spaces if left to their darkest wonderings.

    After the passing of his father, the Juggernaut slowly descended into madness. He lashed out against the world that had rejected him, becoming a relentless slayer and rending his marks limb from limb.