So, who remembers Thirteen Ghosts (sometimes stylized as Thir13en Ghosts), the 2001 horror moving starring Tony Shalhoub and a whole mess of creepy spirits? It's a forgotten gem that strikes the perfect balance of scares and wacky action. In one scene, a jerk lawyer somehow gets sliced in half by a glass door and the front part of his body squeaks down the pane, revealing his bisected brain. It's gory and shocking, but also strangely funny, which is a perfect way to describe the tone of the movie.
The most interesting feature of Thirteen Ghosts, of course, is the eponymous group of merciless spirits that are released into the house and terrorize the unwitting family. All 13 are earthbound spirits chosen to represent a group called "the Black Zodiac," and each "sign" has its own distinguishing features. Among them are ghosts like "the Bound Woman," a cheerleader slayed by her jealous boyfriend on prom night, and "The Angry Princess," a woman who ended her own life after a botched self-surgery.
After getting to know all of the dark zodiac signs, the next natural thought is to wonder which of these ghosts coincides with the signs of the traditional zodiac. Find out which of the 13 ghosts you are based on your star sign.
The First Born Son: Aries (March 21 - April 19)
The First Born Son represents those born under the sign of the ram. In life, the young boy who became this specter was obsessed with western adventure films and sought to emulate the characters in those movies. Like a typical Aries, he could not back down from a challenge when his neighbor offered to duel him.
Reckless and headstrong, he came to the fight with his toy six-shooter, not realizing that his neighbor had a real steel-tipped arrow in his bow. Aries often point to their inability to let a dare go as the reason behind many of their downfalls. In the afterlife, the child doggedly hunts his prey after they tease him. Any Aries knows that insults directed at them do not go unpunished; often, the revenge they exact is far more harsh than the instigator ever expected.
The Torso: Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
What could be more stubborn than a ghost who, despite being deprived of both legs and his head, manages to keep stumping along and terrorizing people? Tauruses will totally get the Torso's motivation, though. Nothing can sway these bulls when they've decided to accomplish something.
The Torso met his grisly fate as a result of his unchecked gambling habit. With their hallmark addictive personalities and strong desire to have the finer things in life, Tauruses know how tough it can be to turn down a bet.
The Bound Woman: Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Ever feel like you just can't stop all those pretty words from passing through your lips, Gemini? Well, you'll probably sympathize with The Bound Woman, whose overly gregarious and coquettish ways lead to her savage demise.
Ever the shameless flirt (sound familiar?), The Bound Woman had many a flighty romance during her life. Her gift of the gab and outgoing personality attracted all who knew her, and she had no problem leaving a trail of broken hearts behind when she inevitably grew bored with each relationship. However, her jealous boyfriend caught her cheating on prom night and slayed her in a rage.
The Withered Lover: Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Cancers are arguably the most emotional and family-oriented individuals in the zodiac. The Withered Lover represents Cancers' powerful feelings and their tendency to hold on to past hurts for what could be eternity.
After tragically losing her life in a fire, the spirit of Jean remained earthbound. Unwilling to leave her family, she lingered near them. In her we see Cancers' devotion to the people they care most for, as well as their unwillingness to move on from the past. Just like The Withered Lover, Cancers, when they are laid to their lowest, will still do everything in their power to protect their family, even at great cost to themselves.