Most of us in the present paint ancient people as prudish compared to modern standards. Well not so fast — many historical cultures experimented with pleasure boldly, just like us. In fact, there are plenty of ancient Egyptian pleasure toys, but these days, the ancient Egyptians are famous for three things: the pyramids, mummy curses, and crocodile dung birth control.
Many ancient Egyptian pleasure artifacts have been lost to history due to the prudishness of the explorers who discovered them. Victorian-era archaeologists likely didn't feel that it was right to expose the populace to this view of ancient society — but today, modern archeologists are much less afraid to get dirty and exhibit all of Egypt's dirty secrets. These are some pleasure toys ancient Egyptians used to get it on.
Afterlife Genital Extensions For Males
The ancient Egyptians had a number of devices designed to get the most out of their afterlife climaxes. Egyptians were big on the belief of the afterlife and dedicated enormous amounts of preparation into their after-party plans. They loaded up their tombs with everything they could possibly need on the other side: food, drink, loyal servants, paddle-shaped fertility dolls, and (actual) erect male genitals.
Ancient Egyptians very much so indulged in partying. Not only were they enthusiasts of traditional, modern-day party stimulants, but they also had their own unique concoction that made for some Nile-side all-nighters. Blue water lilies (AKA lotuses) had an important place in ancient Egyptian culture: They were used for their medicinal qualities, as a perfume, a sacred decoration, and they were seen as symbols of the god Nefertem.
When lotuses are soaked in wine they change chemically, inducing a relaxing, slightly euphoric feeling. It also enhance's one's experience of their dreams. The so-called "party stimulant" of the ancient Egyptians, lotuses had a similar effect as codeine — plus some lovely hallucinations. These qualities, combined with the flower's sweet scent and sacred place in Egyptian society, made blue water lilies a favorite staple of fertility rituals. The Turin Papyrus depicts the women in these celebrations of sexuality as wearing very little aside from lotus headdresses.
Camel Dung Pleasure Toys
Rubber was first discovered in 1751. We first began using stainless steel in 1821. Silicone wasn't discovered until 1823.
Because of this, our ancient ancestors had to use some sub-optimal materials when making their toys for pleasure, but that didn't stop them. While the queen may have had access to solid gold pleasure toys, your average Egyptian had to make do with considerably less distinguished materials. Stone, wood, and bone had all been in use for thousands of years, however, it wasn't until the Persian or Ptolemaic period (somewhere in the 500-300 BCE range) that camels came into widespread use throughout Egypt, bringing with them a fantastic new building material: their poop. Camel dung was molded into whatever shape and size an Egyptian could want and coated with a resin that hardened the toys and kept them set firmly in place.
Crocodile Dung Diaphragms
Dung had many uses for the ancient Egyptians: pleasure toys, building materials and even birth control.
Crocodile dung was used as the base for a number of popular mixtures that the Egyptians would form into pessaries intended for internal use. The irony of the dung diaphragm is not just that you are putting inside of your body something that by its very nature is not supposed to be inside of bodies, but it also couldn't have been all that effective. Certainly, the fact that the device acts as a barrier could be helpful to your cause — were it not for the fact that the alkalinity of the dung would neutralize the more acidic female genitalia making it even more conducive to fertilization.