tattoos Tattoo Artists Share Stories Of Their All-Time Worst Customers  

Lea Rose Emery
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There are bad customers, then there are bad tattoo customers. While dealing with a difficult client is one thing, dealing with lousy customers while you're trying to put permanent ink on their body creates a whole new, potentially life-ruining problem. And that's exactly what these tattoo artists horror stories from Reddit get into, the trials and tribulations of those who work in ink and all its terrrible trends. Not only do they see all sort of different people and personalities, artists must get up close and personal with customers and the bad tattoos they want on their bodies forever. No one can claim the title of "tortured artist" unless they've put their work on a grown man's taint.

Each of these tattoo artists' stories of their worst customer encounters gets very extra - from bodily fluids to screaming to just requests for swastikas, it's all there. And the very worst tattoo parlor customers have a little of everything. Although it makes sense people may get nervous and not be their best when getting a tattoo - especially if it's their first time - these stories highlight the importance of understanding what you're getting into, and what's getting put on to you, too.

Relaxation Methods


From SignDeLaTimes:

"Story told to me by my artist while I was getting tattooed.

Guy and girl come into his shop and ask to get a tattoo on the chick's back. A couple of minutes into it the lady starts squirming. The artist asks her to sit still. A couple more minutes later she starts squirming again.

He says, 'If you don't sit still I can't finish the tattoo.'  She says, 'It really hurts, but there's something that might help.' Artist says, 'Do whatever you need. Just sit still.' So, she manages to stop squirming, and it's a while before the artist notices her head is bobbing. He looks up from the tattoo and this chick has her boyfriend's dick in her mouth. He finishes up the tattoo, they pay and leave.

A week later the artist is at a pool hall, and he recognizes the guy. They make small talk, and he asks, 'How's your girlfriend's tattoo healing?' The guy says, 'Girlfriend? That was the first day I met that crazy b*tch. I haven't talked to her since.'"

Classic Dragon Dick


From malprintemps:

"Tattoo apprentice here.

Not me, but my boss. He had a guy come in who wants his whole dick and balls transformed in a dragon. Boss agrees to do it for a ridiculous price, like a thousand dollars for what would take three hours or so. Ends up tattooing him in the private room at our shop, but of course everyone in the shop is DYING to know how he accomplished it. Basically, when you're tattooing, one hand is running the machine with the needle and the other is stretching the skin tight, but like... how do you stretch dick skin? Did he have the guy get a boner or what?

Turns out he had the guy stretch it out himself. Like he spent three hours yanking his dick first one way, then the other, so my boss could tattoo the whole damn thing, then bat-winging out his nuts. His original thought was for the guy to have a hard-on, but he couldn't keep it going while it was getting jabbed with a needle (obviously).

Now our shop refuses genital tattoos and that's why."

Just A Penis Touch Up


From cats_are_my_friend

"I had a client contact me through my Facebook page and he booked online. He wanted a goddess of fire with the face of Alanis Morissette. When he came in for his appointment, he was generally creepy. He was in his 60s and asking me about getting together with my 25 year old co-worker (who would never be interested because as he was reasonably hideous). He wanted the tattoo on the side of his thigh. When he took off his jeans, he was wearing a red satin thong that undid at the side. He then expressed that it wasn't just going on his thigh, but also on the side of the ass/hip region. During the session, there was a mild bumhole smell the whole time. He asked me how much I would charge to touch up the tattoo on his penis. I told him $1500. After he left I decided to check out his Facebook page and as I went through his pictures, I saw one of his massive collection of anal beads and butt plugs. "

Screaming Smileys


From ipastone

"I gave two football players from my school matching smiley face tattoos. One of them was screaming and I felt bad so I took it easy on him and so now it's faded and looks terrible. The other one came out perfect."