The Funniest Band Jokes

List Rules
Vote up any funny joke that will make a band geek laugh

The band jokes, puns, and humor on this list are all funny because they’re true (except for the one about the flaming oboe), and we heard all these marching band jokes from men and women who were actually in high school band. We’re sure that anyone who went on to play in marching bands in college and beyond have some funny jokes too, but we stopped talking to them ages ago. Whether you were a flutist or a percussionist (let’s be real - if you’re a drummer you can't read this) you’ll not only identify, you’ll laugh your weird little marching hat off at these band jokes and band puns.

Everyone who went to high school in America has had an experience with a band geek. Either you knew one or you were one – and if you don’t know which one you were then you were the band geek. We never saw the point in waking up early and marching around a dewy field while carrying a heavy instrument, but that’s what makes all you band kids so special. The other thing that makes you so great is that you have a sense of humor about yourself, or at least we hope you do, because we’ve got a whole mess of jokes about band geeks on this list.

Vote up all your favorite joke for band geeks, and if you’ve got one for us, skip the sheet music and just play your funny song in the comments!

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  • What's One Difference Between a Clarinet and a Mouse?
    1

    What's One Difference Between a Clarinet and a Mouse?

    You can't hear a mouse squeak over the entire band.
  • How Many Trumpet Players Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
    2

    How Many Trumpet Players Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

    Five. One to actually do it and the other four to tell him how much better they could have done it.
  • What's the Difference Between a Tenor Sax and a Macaw?
    3

    What's the Difference Between a Tenor Sax and a Macaw?

    One is loud, obnoxious, and impossible to shut up. The other is a bird.
  • How Many Conductors Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
    4

    How Many Conductors Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

    Probably only one, but who's really watching?
  • What Do You Get When You Cross a Piccolo with a Clarinet?
    5

    What Do You Get When You Cross a Piccolo with a Clarinet?

    A serious migraine.
  • How Do You Know When a Tuba Player Is at Your Door?
    6

    How Do You Know When a Tuba Player Is at Your Door?

    You don't. They can't find the right key and they don't know when to make an entrance.
  • What Do Clarinets and Lawsuits Have in Common?
    7

    What Do Clarinets and Lawsuits Have in Common?

    Everyone is relieved once the case is closed.
  • What's the Difference Between Trumpet Players and Government Bonds?
    8

    What's the Difference Between Trumpet Players and Government Bonds?

    Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
  • How Do You Know When a Clarinet Player Is Playing Loudly?
    9

    How Do You Know When a Clarinet Player Is Playing Loudly?

    You can almost hear them.
  • How Do You Confuse a Drummer?
    10

    How Do You Confuse a Drummer?

    Put sheet music in front of him.
  • Flute Players Spend Half the Time Tuning Their Instruments...
    11

    Flute Players Spend Half the Time Tuning Their Instruments...

    And the other half playing out of tune.
  • What's the Difference Between an Oboe and an Onion?
    12

    What's the Difference Between an Oboe and an Onion?

    No one cries when you cut apart an oboe.
  • How Many Clarinet Players Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?
    13

    How Many Clarinet Players Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

    Only one, but they'll go through the whole box to find just the right one.
  • How Do You Make a Trombone Sound like a French Horn?
    14

    How Do You Make a Trombone Sound like a French Horn?

    Stick your hand in and play a lot of wrong notes.
  • What Do Trumpet Players Use as Birth Control?
    15

    What Do Trumpet Players Use as Birth Control?

    Their personalities.
  • What's the Definition of a Minor Second?
    16

    What's the Definition of a Minor Second?

    Two piccolos playing in tune.
  • What's the Range of a Piccolo?
    17

    What's the Range of a Piccolo?

    Oh, about thirty yards on a clear day.
  • What Is a Gentleman?
    18

    What Is a Gentleman?

    Someone who knows how to play the trombone but doesn't.
  • What's the Difference Between a Cobra and a Bad Oboist?
    19

    What's the Difference Between a Cobra and a Bad Oboist?

    A bad oboist can really kill you.
  • What's a Flaming Oboe Good for?
    20

    What's a Flaming Oboe Good for?

    Lighting a bassoon on fire.
  • What's the Difference Between a Saxophone and a Lawnmower?
    21

    What's the Difference Between a Saxophone and a Lawnmower?

    Lawnmowers sound better in small ensembles.
  • Why Is a Bassoon Better than an Oboe?
    22

    Why Is a Bassoon Better than an Oboe?

    It burns longer.
  • What's the Difference Between a Bassoon and a Trampoline?
    23

    What's the Difference Between a Bassoon and a Trampoline?

    You take your shoes off when you jump on a trampoline.
  • How Do You Clean a Sousaphone?
    24

    How Do You Clean a Sousaphone?

    With a tuba toothpaste!
  • Why Do Clarinetists Leave Their Cases on the Dashboard?
    25

    Why Do Clarinetists Leave Their Cases on the Dashboard?

    So they can park in handicap zones.