Have you ever been really intrigued by a band with a great name, only to be super disappointed when you hear their music? Or maybe you've disregarded a band with a lame name, and discovered later on that they're actually awesome. Some bands really nail their names: Smash Mouth sounds one hundred percent exactly like a band called Smash Mouth is supposed to sound, and every time we hear Chance The Rapper we think "Yep, he sure is rapping. This all checks out."
Unfortunately, many bands missed the mark in naming themselves, resulting in these bands that sound nothing like their name. We are formally petitioning all of these bands to change their name to something more appropriate. We're not band name experts or anything, but in some cases we have suggested alternatives.
(Right off the bat, we agree that this is a pretty wacky premise. Just stick with us.)
What They Should Sound Like: Nirvana implies peace, calm, and quiet. You'd expect music fit for meditation.
What They Actually Sound Like: Nirvana is anything but peaceful. The grunge-rock pioneers Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl and Kris Noveselic basically invented their own genre: slightly abrasive, introspective rock with growling vocals. They scream, they shred, they whine, they complain. Very anti-chill.
Suggested Alternatives: "Hurt Cobain," "Kurt CoPain."
What They Should Sound Like: When you pick a band name that starts with the word "Savage," people are going to expect something hard and fast: metal, hardcore, or punk.
What They Actually Sound Like: The members of Savage Garden are actually a couple of softies. Adult contemporary ballads, like "I Knew I Loved You," are their jam. We should have seen this coming; they did, after all, get the name of their band from a line out of one of Anne Rice's vampire books ("Beauty was a Savage Garden"), and Anne Rice vampire books are, by law, not very rock and roll.
Suggested Alternative: "Standard Garden."
What They Should Sound Like: The Eagles. Or death metal. Either one would work!
What They Actually Sound Like: The music of The Eagles of Death Metal is actually great desert rock. It's got a hint of rockabilly and is pretty good but, again, not what you'd expect. It's a really bold move to put a genre of music in your band's name and even bolder to make direct comparisons to an established band. You're really making a promise that people will be expecting you to deliver on (for this reason, we also don't recommend naming your band "The Better Beatles").
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What They Should Sound Like: When you think pixies, you think light, airy, beautiful beings full of magic. Something soft and breezy, like that one song about lightning bugs that everyone hates.
What They Actually Sound Like: The Pixies are actually an alt-rock band from the '80s with a sound that's gritty, raw, and electric.
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